If you're looking for great race stories...

If you're looking for great race and training stories, you've come to the wrong place.  To date, I have hung up my race shoes, bike and suit. Triple T was my last big race, no joke. I did run the Grand Canyon with friends but it was no daYum race, I can promise you that. In fact, I thought I might die a few times. I distinctly remember a woman that came down the south rim while I was on my way out of the canyon saying....you're almost there, hang in there, only three more miles.  Now, three more miles 'climbing stairs' is NOT almost there bitch. I really thought I was going to punch her or cry. I didn't do either. I had no energy and no tears left, I was all dried up. 

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Does anyone  blog anymore?  What have you been up to, how have you been?  Hello, hello, anyone, check, check......

Dear Readers, Friends, Creepy Internet Friends and Fellow FREAKS....

It's not you, it's ME! We've all heard that before, right? Well, that is the case here as well. I have enjoyed my time here but I'm afraid it must come to a close. This is not a ploy for you to beg me to stay. I've been thinking about it for a while. I guess I just feel like everything has run its course, at this point. While I still have so much to say, I am finding that it (at times) has become more of a job than a joy....as you can tell since I haven't posted in over a week. Like anything, I want to enjoy it and if it becomes a job, I best be gettin' paid for this shiz.

I have had the pleasure of meeting a few of you real live and in person. That has been the best part - or even just the hey, aren't you Missy? At a race. That is fun. I kinda feel like I've grown up with so many of you in these endurance and triathlon endeavors. I love the support, advice and general good times that this has provided. I still hope to meet some of yous someday...at a race or at a ride.

My hope is that, at one time or another, I made you laugh until you shot your drink out your nose. If I did that to you one time, then my job here is complete and that makes me happy. Oh, and if I ever do get that great book or writing gig...you better buy it;) Here's a few links to some of my favorite posts over the years, for those that you may have missed. These are just some of my fav's from the archives.

My First Ever Post

Phases of Ironman Training

The Happiest Pee Ever

Funny Mom Stories for Monday - the Fire Marshall

Beach2Battleship Ramblings

RIP Kasha

All my best to you and never let me hear you say I CAN'T...I find nothing more irritating. If you're ever hurting for blog material, give me a buzz or I can guest post - I stills gots lots of ideas. For anyone that wants to keep in touch, my email is on my info page! And that, my friends, is all she wrote...

The American Triple T - Race #4

Finally, the half ironman, the last day, the last race of the American Triple T Ohio. You know the distance, no explanation needed. The morning was significantly different than either of the previous days. For the previous races, everyone was all keyed up, anxious to get into their race order making sure that everyone was sequential. Sunday morning, no one cared. It was chip timing, afterall, go ahead, I don't need to get into that nasty water any earlier than necessary. Maybe the top 10 guys in line were keen on their starting position, otherwise, no one cared. No one could believe that we had a half iron to complete. We couldn't either.

Swim was a good one, cold, murky, gross but just fine time wise. Transitions were funny, at this point, because most people just strolled into and around transition. The hustle was gone. One event down, two to go.

Bike, holy CRAP! Two loops of the same thing to make up our 56ish mile ride. I have never had a bike split this slow until this day. As far as team drafting was concerned, not that big of a deal, I was just grinding my gears for everything I had...knowing that I had to come back and do it one more time before I even got to run. The beauty of a two loop bike. I did find the best bike food ever - mini golden oreo cookies. After a full day of gels, tremendous gas and horrendous ass, I couldn't stomach one more gel. We both moved on to food (if you can call an oreo food). It was glorious. The ride was pretty and we enjoyed it the FIRST TIME around. We got lots of comments like - you're having too much fun, there's my party people - stuff like that. Yep, we were trying to make the best of it. I don't even think we started cussing too much until loop two when we knew we had to do it again. I can only describe the ride route as every crappy hill in Nashville all linked together to make one, ass kicking bike ride.

After we strolled into transition, got dressed again, it was time for our two loop run - of the same thing we've done all weekend long. The fear, the dread, the rocks in my shoes. OK, we started to discuss a strategy because actually running the whole thing was not even going to be realistic at this point. Tilghman says, let's go 2-1, run 2 minutes walk 1 minute. Perfect. Wouldn't you freakin know it - every 1 minute walk ended on a flat and every 2 minute cycle was on an uphill. DaYum IT! Next, why don't we try to run every flat and downhill and walk when ever the fire road changes pitch. Excellent! This seemed to be everyone's plan. There was no getting around it, walking was going to be involved for us.

We cheered on our new friends, Speedo Cowboy (the guy in a teeny speedo and cowboy hat), Dora Dude (the guy that wore Dora sunglasses last year), the MSU guys who had the worst team kit ever (green shorts, never, guys and I went to MSU), Ironmom, Canada (scared my poor little friend from Canada when I yelled - Go Canada and then proceeded to let out a roar of a belch, he actually stopped and turned. Sorry Canada, that was not intentional and no dig at your homeland) ... really, it was the most all for one and one for all race I've ever been a part of. While I'm sure the top guys and teams were keen on their times and splits, everyone else was just working toward a common goal. To get this freakin' run over with!!!

I knew once we hit ~10 mile marker we were home free. You know what that means, running downhill! Yep, I didn't want to say it but I knew we were home free at that point and it was glorious. Finishing was never in question, how fast was. We loosely discussed what we thought we'd hit the finish line in between me chasing Tilghman up a hill and hollering at our comrades. At this point, we didn't even know where we were in the team standings. No clue, truly and not even concerned. As we made our way 'out of the woods' and onto the last ~.5 mile on asphalt, we saw them. We saw the women's team from the previous day that passed us heading into the woods for the second loop of the run. As we cheered them on (and meant it), the other part of us had a little extra skip in our step. Yep, we made the right decision, I should say Tilghman made the right decision for us on the previous day's races. Let them go, she said, we'll see them again. ...and we did.

We didn't have an ounce left of get up and go so we just ran it on in to the finish. We have never been so happy for each of our slowest half iron times in history. Truly, I was thrilled. I was thrilled not to be moving any more, thrilled to be done and just laughed my ass through the finishing chute because I can't believe we did it. We conquered this bitch.

There's so many other thoughts that I have about this race but here's what I know for certain:

This is the hardest race I have EVER done, hands down (YES, harder than ironman).
This was one of the most fun races I have EVER done.
I laughed so hard all weekend long that my face hurt.
Getting up for a half iron on the last day sucks.
The race doesn't start until Race #3 and #4.
I'm made for pacing (as is Tilghman).
I hate sprints.
I was THRILLED that I brought my road bike instead of my TT bike. Would have been nice to have some clip on aero bars, though.
I don't ever need to do this again.

More to come, other funny stories and our take on the Little Smokies race (the guys that got do JUST do the half on that last day), we were ruthless on them. Oh, and our finishing time was good enough for second place in the Women's Senior Divison. Woot, woot, we were totally stoked.

Taking longer than the race...Triple T Part #3

The American Triple T - Race #3

24.8 mile bike - 1500 Meter swim - 6.55 mile run - team event, we must start and finish together. We already know this is a non issue since our previous race time was ~2 minutes apart, sweet.

Bike first, uh, yeah, this is the same bike course we did this morning and it was a BITCH. Now, I just happened to know what we were getting ourselves into. Let's just say we were both married to our smallest gears. There wasn't much drafting for us, per se, since we just had to grind it out. And YES, I did make the 'young one' ride up front most of the time. Hell, I had to play the old lady card some way. Our strategy on the bike - when you can 'feel' pressure on your pedals, gear down and just spin...still got a swim, run and half iron to do. Done and done.

How the hell do you get a wetsuit on a sweaty body? With wetsuit dressers rather than strippers that we're all used to. I didn't have any issues so it was no big deal but how handy to have nice men standing there with grocery sacks for your arms and feet to get your wetsuit on.

To the murky water...we both screamed when we hit the water and scared those around us, I think. It was still so cold and shocking. If I was just smart enough to wear TWO caps. Nothing special on the swim, finished together and walked to transition. I would say that most of my transitions for this were very mellow, again, minutes weren't going to count for me, so an extra minute for fresh, dry socks, lube and some GasX (my new favorite racing treat after ingesting gels for two days), was what I needed. Got all of that and went to Tilghman's rack and the conversation went like this -

Me: I got shoes, hat, GasX and Gu's, what else do I need?
T: I think that sounds good.
Random guy: How about crutches and a HoverRound?
Us: Baaahahahaha, yes please.

....and we went for our 6.55 mile trail run. This nice young man was forever known as HoverRound. Whenever we would see him we just yelled, Hey Go HoverRound. HoverRound, if you're out there, we love ya.

Trot, trot, trot, we ran this shit again, but together this time. We were determined NOT to walk for the Oly's so we pulled out what little bits we had to keep it moving up those bitchin hills. See Til's trashed shoes. I think these we new when we arrived.

UNTIL, I heard them. I hear two girls closing in and talking to one another, they get closer and within 'draft' range for this thang. My pace starts to quicken, the hairs on my neck stand up, we weren't even talking and Tilghman just says to me - stop it, we'll get them tomorrow. We can't kill ourselves today - we pride ourselves in being able to pace. Fine, fine, I know she's right, I KNOW it and I'm glad she was there as my voice of reason. We let the young one's go by (I have no idea how old they were or what division, I just knew that they were a female team). They were super nice and not at ALL snarky or anything. It was just my competitive side coming out. We let them go - and Tilghman says to me, hey little girl, haven't I ever told you about the Tortoise and the Hare?

Run, run, run to the finish and off our mornings race by 8-10 minutes. Hell, we were happy with that since we started to see people totally combust by the third race. Besides sitting in the ice cold stream, hammering a Coke, getting a massage (from Bob who was sweet on me because I got an extra 10 minutes and a hug), eating the best noodle with Parmesan cheese we ever had, it was time to get out of there.

We were feeling good but the thought of a half iron on THAT kind of course the next day was daunting. We needed food and lots of it, stat. Mashed potato, I'd kill for a mashed potato. KFC, certainly, there's a KFC in this town, right? Grilled chicken and some mashed taters...it was NOT to be. Instead, we found some awesome deli, got hand cut french fries with extra salt and a large philly cheese steak. You know, I have never been so relaxed with my food choices as I was for this race. For big races, I'm usually so anal about what I'm eating. For this, it was eat often, eat lots, you're going to need it. As I stood in line for my cheese steak, stinky, nasty, muddy, obviously coming from the race site, the IRONCHODE is standing there waiting for his food as well. Seriously there dbag, get over yourself, 99% of this crowd has done at least one Ironman. He was quite proud of himself and carried himself accordingly. Made me want to put tacks in his transition spot.

Off to bed...but couldn't sleep...was too jacked up. Until an alarm clock went off at freakin 4:00am. Holy crap, are you kidding me?!? WHAT do I have to do today?

Triple T - Race #2

The American Triple T - Race #2

1500 Meter swim - 24.8 mile bike - 6.55 mile run - individual, even though me and T were a team, this race was just individual event and then our times would be combined for our total score (the next two races we must start and finish together).

After a crazy nite, we were ready to get this party started. Who knew what the day would bring, who knew that we were getting ready to enter the IRONMAN CONTEST. Bring every piece of ironman gear you own and wear it, it IS a contest, apparently. Does anyone else think it's redundant to have five ironman stickers on your car? Really, is that necessary. We each had our required M-Dot visor (check).

We got all our shiz together in transition with no issues. I love it that triathletes can unabashedly put on arse and cooter cream in public, while talking to another person. I wanted to dose up on some chamois cream and was looking for a spot...until I saw others that were wrist deep. Right on, I will do the same!

The swim was the swim, cold, murky, and OVER. I wish I had a long sleeve wetsuit - I CAN tell you that. The bike, hell, it was so long ago, I can barely remember the bike from Race #2 other than, hilly, as I expected and my slowest bike split in some time. Whateves, save myself, save myself, save myself.

The run - uh, yeah, I didn't know that I was going to begin my trail running and steeplechase career at the Triple T. Bring trail shoes if you own them! That's what I get for 'not stressing' by NOT reading too much into the race packet OR driving the bike course. I like it all to be a surprise. It was. It was also 3+ miles of up, just up, yeah, there were some downs and a flat or two but my glutes still hurt!

Calling ALL men, calling all MEN, this means you - if you wear colored shorts, you have to expect us to point and laugh. Colored lycra is NEVER acceptable under any circumstances. We don't need that kind of pressure and if you think it's not that big of a deal, it IS, trust me, you're not exempt from this rule. If you're team kit has a color other than black on the bottom, work to change it. Just sayin.

Two races down, two to go! Still looking pretty happy about the whole thing. Even though this race was not completed together, our final times were within a minute or two in exactly the same splits. We knew that we were spot on with our pacing and team mate choice!
Waiting for race #3...

Triple T - Race #1 - the Prologue

Our mantra as we sat awaiting the first race - We're a team, not a couple! AND NO, I don't even give a crap about a girl couple, happy is happy....I just didn't want to ruin any chances for Tilghman for crying out loud.


Friday afternoon....Prologue - Race #1

After our introduction to the swamp lands (Thank you Mother Nature), we spent the afternoon chilling, fueling and entertaining ourselves by watching person after person get stuck in the mud trap parking area. It was super entertaining to watch people who have never been in mud before, apparently. I took our one ton dually so this was not an issue. Continuing to spin your wheels in mud only gets you deeper, is this not a known fact? Ranger Rick, our friendly park ranger, was deeply concerned about the condition of his field. The sign said, event parking so that's where everyone went, much to Ranger Rick's dismay. Why didn't I help pull people out of the mud, you ask? I have NO clue how to do it without pulling the front fascia right off your car. I don't need YOU suing ME for trying to help YOU. But I digress...

Race time was swiftly approaching. OK, I use that term loosely, race, that is. For me, this was going to be my regular - day before the race shake down. I had no intention of killing myself out there. With such a short race, the difference would only have been in minutes. At the end of the weekend, minutes weren't going to matter to me. We all herd out to swim in the vat of chocolate milkshake and mud. Uh, someone said the water was 73, they lied. Maybe the surface temp was 73 but I screamed when my face hit the water. Holy crap, this is FREEZING (and I just had a shorty wetsuit on, I'm glad I had something to help protect my core temp, jeeze). Fine, then a baby bike ride, no problems, no issues. Finish it up with a one mile run on a muddy trail and wet grass. I didn't even try to hit this hard, I was just trying NOT to bust my arse. I came in #255 in a whopping 29:10. Besides getting into zone 5 when I hit the water, it was pretty tame. Almost a shame to get so dirty, trash my shoes and cake up my bike BUT, there it is.

Dinner was to be nothing new, nothing special....pizza and beer. Perrrrfect. Nothing new on race day, that's my motto (except for new swim goggles, I always want new goggles on race day). After our return to the hotel, it's time to clean up, order some pizza pie and drink a beer, one beer. I screamed when I hit the shower, there was mud EVERYWHERE. I had to pluck it off me hoping not to find a leach mixed in with the caked on mud. I laughed, I was in the water for less than five minutes, REALLY, caked on mud?!?

Beer, we needed that one beer for old times sake but NO bottle opener. I make my way down the hallway, asking anyone around. I see the perfect candidate - he looks like a fraternity boy with a bunch of camping gear. Surely, he'll have a knife, multitool or bottle opener on his key chain - hey man do you have a bottle opener? Like for beer? Duh, yes, for beer, do you have a bottle opener for beer (I suppose it could have been a wine bottle opener)? Uh, you're having beer? Yes, jakeleg, I'm having one beer, do you have an opener? No, sorry. Thanks for nothing dbag.

LSS, we got our pizza our beer and fell into a deep slumber when .... a crack of thunder was so close to the room window that the hair stood up on my neck, I sat straight up and screamed - check the clocks, check your phone, make sure we still have an alarm for the morning. Thankfully, this strong storm passed very quickly.

Now it's time to get the 'real' show on the road...Olympic Race #2, up next!