I am in that dark place. Not much is funny right now. I’m eating, sleeping or training. I pride myself in blogging about the lighter side of training and racing but today is just not that day. It’s a dark day. I don’t want to any more. I don’t want to get up at 4am, I don’t want to go for a 100 mile bike ride and I don’t want to run for two hours. I don’t want any of it. I don’t care if I don’t race Triple T, you can have it, you can keep it. I want to hang with the fam and drink beer on a nice afternoon. I want to ride ONLY if I FEEL like it not because there’s a 100 mile ride on my plate. I want to enjoy it. I want to just do it because I WANT to, not because I HAVE to. I suppose I could bag it all right now. That IS an option but not for me. It’s not how I’m wired, it’s not how I’m made. I don’t do ANYTHING unless I think I can do it successfully or prepare in such a way to do so…with anything, not just this tri thing.
I pride myself in talking about Pleather, cooter bones and how to never trust a fart on a long run. How you should always carry a pre-packaged moist towelette with you always because you never know when you may have a moment in the bushes. Snot rockets and the virtues of peeing on a bike, that’s what I’m all about, not this serious shit.
The darker side of endurance training – NO I’m NOT made for this, NO I don’t LOVE getting up at 4am every Meffen day, NO I don’t really enjoy running that much. Everyone always thinks I’m a runner because I’m so tall. Anyway, sometimes, I want to give it up, I don’t give a shit if I don’t do REV3 or 3State3Mountain OR Triple T. I want to sit home on the sofa like the rest of America.
Today, I did that. I skipped everything, I played with puppies and drank beer with hubs, we ate pizza and laughed. It was the most perfect and glorious day. You know what, it was a really nice day for a bike ride….mmmm, maybe I am made for this shit afterall?
Don’t worry, dear friends, I know what this is. I am going through my IronBITCH phase. I know it when it happens and, thankfully, know that it will pass. For now, I just don’t wanna anymore.
You know what, this is how I know I’m ready.