Thursday, March 11, 2010

Random Bike Thoughts

First, here’s how it went down…

Plan A – 60 mile bike ride

Plan B – 90 minute trainer ride/core/strength circuit at home (due to forecast)

Plan C – HOLY crap, it’s sunny out and no rain, no rain, no rain, where are my shoes, where’s my helmet,  huurrrrry, go, go, go, get out the door.

I opted for Plan C.  Plan A wasn’t going to happen, not enough time today AND the wind.  If I went with Plan A, it may have taken me four hours, I swear.  So, I made the best of Plan C, got in a very difficult (read: windy uphill both ways) kind of ride.  The kind of ride where you’re working really hard, you’re on a false flat, you look down and you see a 14.  WTF?!?!  14, seriously, I can’t catch my breath and I’m going 14mph.  THEN you hit a downhill and you max out at 18mph.  Yeah, the wind can SUCK IT.  HOWEVER, it was, hands down, better than riding inside, any day.

Random Bike Thoughts

I freak out whenever I see a Chester the Molester van drive by – the utility van with no windows.  I am certain they are trolling for me.

I swear, they could bury me over there and no one would know. 

When the turkey vulchers are swarming around for something good, ripe and dead, are they just waiting for me to keel over?

I really DID just need new bike shorts.  These feel really nice on my bum and cooter bone.  Thank gawd!

How the hell am I going to make it through Triple T?  I’m scared.

I hate it when people/cyclists throw their banana peels in the shoulder.  I still gotta ride through your crap – can you not give it a little distance?

How does someone lose a shoe on a main road where people are not walking?  I mean, not a pair, just one shoe.

Why do I like to eat ice cream and Girl Scout Cookies OR drink beer during the Biggest Loser?  I DO love to watch big people shrink.  I can’t help it, it’s amazing.

What would I do if I won the lotto?  I would have a man servant, that’s what I would do.  Someone to have my shit done and ready at all times.  Grocery shopping done, food cooked, bike cleaned and aired up….all of it.

And now it’s time to hit the track for a fun morning of…whatever coach has in store…before the hail hits!



Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

For a post that promises in its opening line to tell us how you "went down", this is pretty disappointing. Sure, later on you mention your bum and your cooter bone, but still, I.O. Missy, where's Teh Lurve - the graphic, disgusting, detailed LURVE we all crave hearing a description of? This is the intertubes after all. Pffttt! Do you really want to be a part of the 0.001% of it that isn't porn?

Because right now? You are.

And if this shames you?


Big Daddy Diesel said...

I HATE FALSE FLATS!!!! Ugh, pure torture, trying to figure out why we are going so slow.

KC (my 140 point 6 mile journey) said...

uugh! W-I-N-D: a nasty four letter word. Even worse than cooter bone. You totally cracked me up this morning reading your post. A bad day on the bike outside is better than a good day inside for sure. Choice C was the best one.

Velma said...

Funny! I wonder about the shoes on the road. I also watch BL, but I can't eat while watching in - Jillian makes me feel guilty. Maybe I am crazy :)

Chloe said...

I love random thoughts on the bike. And the single shoes? I totally agree - where is the other one?

You are going to rock out Triple T - it's all about the outfit! :)

Keith said...

All the boys are trolling for you. Except the gay ones.

Someone would find out eventually. Too late for you, I admit. Which is bad.


What, no photo?

You're not scared, you're trolling for sympathy or encouragement. You are going to conquer.

I say we take the litterbugs, decapitate them, put their head on a pike, with whatever their litter is stuffed in their mouths, on the side of the road where they littered. For people that litter cigarette butts, I'd get nasty.

I could tell you the story about the lost shoes, but then I'd have to kill you. It's a secret.

You like those things because you are in control of your eating, and have a metabolism that will burn it off. Plus, it gives you a delicious sense of something or other to eat while watching that show.

If you win the lotto, your nickname will be Lara.

Marit Chrislock-Lauterbach said...

Yes-a good pair of bike shorts are worth their weight in gold, eh? Nice random thoughts... Agree about the bananna...totally. If you carry it in, carry it out! And yes, the wind can definitely suck the life out of you - no matter how long the ride.

AND - you'll totally do the Triple T. No worries!

Dave said...

I think those rides where it's tough but you feel like it's too much work for the results you are getting are great...It helps when the race conditions turn crappy, you can think back to that workout and say, " sucks, but I know I can get this done." btw...the will be me....;-)

Wes said...

There's a cell tower I pass on the way home that has a flock of vultures on it every noon. I call it my Carrion Tree :-) I like the thought of inducing the same amount of stress in (x) time as an easier ride in (y) time. It's working for me!

Kim said...

yay for getting outside and having a comfy wooha! what kind of shorts did you buy?

Judi said...

cooter bone. nice. i guess that is what it is, LOL.

NJ said...

It never fails...I'm watching BL and I eat crap. Not chips and ice cream, but homemade cookies which are actually not too bad for me because I us whole wheat flour, agave nectar in lieu of sugar, but they still have some sinful choc. chips. I used to really dislike Jillian, but she's grown on me.

Amanda said...

I wonder that about the shoes too...and Triple T. But it'll happen. Apparently, both of those will happen.

kristen said...

I hate the trainer and I'm pretty sure I'm not qualified to make a statement like that since I've only started riding a few months ago. Dislike.

Chester the molester probably could tell you why theres only one shoe in the middle of the road.

D said...

"cooter bone" *snort* :)

Blackdog said...

Lottery... Man Servant? Not so much. Woman Servant for sure. At least until my wife found out. Then we would have to fire her and get a man servant.

ShirleyPerly said...

I too get freaked when I see Chester the Molester (lol!) vans drive by, esp. if I see the same one more than once. They bother me more than turkey vultures.

Keri said...

We call those Rapist Vans. I too thing every person/vehicle I see is a kidknapper. I was running the other day and heard voices behind me and jumped around in my defense mode. Turns out to be two friendly men on bikes. Yeah, I looked like an idiot and told them they scared me. I am sure they were thinking whatever you crazy lady we are just riding up this hill, geeze louise!

Maryland Girl aka Michelle said...

Pockets on bike jersey tote the banana out on the ride and tote the peel back home. You are going to wash the jersey so it doesn't matter if there is mashed banana goo in the pocket or whatever.

Woot new short! I want to ride outside too!

Julie said...

Wind is worse then hills -- you are so right. They play with you mentally, eh?

Hooray for the new bike shorts! :)

LOL at your manservant daydream. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

MCM Mama said...

LOL at a lot of this. Will you share the manservant when you get him? I could really use one...

Aimee (I Tri To Be Me) said...

Ughh..I hate wind, but I agree that riding outside is way better than riding on a trainer.

Oh, and scary vans give me the creeps too.

Diana said...

I totally think the "van" has something to do with the missing shoe!

I would also get myself a "man-whore" if I won the lottery!!

KK said...

I think the same thing when I see those vans "how many kids are tied up back there?"

LOL at cooter bone. SICK.

You are fuh-nny.

Carolina John said...

two chicks at the same time. i reckon if i won the lottery, i could make that happen.

Anonymous said...

First of all, don't be too worried about Chester Teh Molester vans. Only the white ones are trouble - the rest of them mean no harm.

Well, now that I think about it...maybe green and gold vans might be cause for concern, as well. Just hold on to your cooter bone and you'll be fine. Or beat them away with all those random shoes you find along the side of the road.

I also pig out whilst watching the big people sweat. Like I'm somehow better than them, when we all know that if I cut back to 5 days of running as opposed to 6, I'd be simply planet-oid inside of a week.

IronMissy - it's official!

IronMissy - it's official!
A vision in green!