Thursday, February 25, 2010

Timeline

4:00am - alarm blasts to wake me out of a deep slumber. Hit snooze. Coffee begins to brew.

4:00:30am - Magnus gets up and is ready to eat. I tell him to go back to bed, he does and does that dog sigh.

4:05am - OK, sleep until the alarm goes off again at 4:10am.

4:10am - CRAP! Hit snooze button.

4:11am - debate about going back to bed for another two hours and running after work. Surely it will be warmer and I can run outside.

4:14am - logic kicks in to remind self - you're not going to feel any more rested if you try to go back to sleep now, you may feel worse.

4:16am - this is a recovery week, shouldn't I be sleeping in? I hate the suckmill, I can run outside later.

4:19am - alarm is going to go off in another minute, fish or cut bait, fish or cut bait.

4:19:59am - turn off alarm and decide to go to the gym for a short recovery week run.

4:20am - smell of coffee travels upstairs...we don't want it to go to waste.

4:21am - fine, fine, fine, UP, I'm up, I'm up.

4:30am - look outside at the neighbors to see who is up. What ARE they doing in there anyway? No one in their right mind is up at this hour. FREAKS! (I seriously think that every time I see someone else up at 4:anythingA.M.)

4:35am - mainline coffee.

4:45am - do what naturally happens after one mainlines coffee. Thank GAWD, I hate starting a workout without pooping. It only spells disaster.

4:50am - open garage and hope that a bird hasn't made warm shelter in there. It makes me wet my pants when I open the garage and a bird starts flying around.

4:58am - arrive at gym with the 'old people' and a few meat heads.

5:02am - warm up on the suckmill + 4 mile run while reading the TVs in front of me. There's really more questions than answers when reading the TV. Like, this expert looks like you found him under a rug somewhere, how is this guy a whale expert? He looks half dead and mangled himself. Expert? Really? What kind of expert would that make me, then?

...there were many more conversations in my head while plodding on the road to nowhere. What is that smell? Who puts perfume on at 5am, seriously!? I'm going to puke. Dude, you don't have to look over my shoulder to see how fast I'm going. I'm not going fast today and YOU can't make me. Oh, it doesn't look like I'm working hard, guess what, I'm NOT.

5:15am - I guess this is the time where all treadmills are full at this place. Glad I got here on time. I never get to the gym 'on time.'

5:20am - I hate the gym, look at all those sweat splatters and marks everywhere. I wonder what kind of vermin is growing in here?

...is that the smell of Ben-Gay? Who farted? Lady, if you don't crack even a little sweat on that bike, you're not going fast enough. Lalalala, how much longer, I hate this thing!

5:30am - Oh look there, 10 more minutes, OK, 15, 15 more minutes. I can be home by 6:00am.

5:45am - DONE, yeehaw! I'm out of here bitches!

6:00am - Good no bird trapped in garage.

6:09am - start second pot of coffee for hubs.

6:12am - finish this drivel....

As always, hate to get up but so thrilled once it's over. I'm always happy when it's done. I'm never upset that I got up to do it either. It's the getting up part...

35 comments:

Big Daddy Diesel said...

I miss the "dog sigh"

People watching the gym sorta makes the pain go away.... ok not really, but it makes you feel better about yourself.

My kicker is the woman who shows up at 5am and looks like she is ready to hit the town, all makeup-ed, hair all done up. Clothes all ironed. You know she got up at 3am to do that. ANd your right, 30 mins on the bike and she hasnt had a bead of sweat on her

skierz said...

holy! you read my mind in the AM! great hilarious post! mornings never do get better do they! Canada vs. US?! could be, what do you want to bet, something Canadian vs something Tennessee? Put it out there!

Pete32 said...

You just made my day, great post! I laugh because I'm one of those 4-in-the-morning crazies.

I have learned that arguing with myself when the buzzer goes off does not help. I just have to remind myself of that feeling I have when I'm walking out of the gym with my workout done and other people just getting started.

Jen said...

I am a morning person, so I like to get up and I do not even like coffee. But I am in bed by 8:15.

Kim said...

i cant even imagine what it would be like to wake up at 4am. pretty much thats my worst nightmare. youre a rockstar for getting up and getting a workout done!

Beth said...

I love seeing old people at the gym!

Dave said...

Ok...my Y has some really good athletes training...some real bad asses...of course we gots old people too...great run down....let me throw my 3 kids in there....;-)

Dave said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ShirleyPerly said...

Fish or cut bait, I haven't heard that in a long time. You crack me up!

Wes said...

You are my ass crack of dawn inspiration. If I could just learn to poop that early. How do yo do it? :-D

Keri said...

I agree with "What ARE they doing in there anyway? No one in their right mind is up at this hour. FREAKS! (I seriously think that every time I see someone else up at 4:anythingA.M.)"...I think anyone up that early is either having an affair or is hiding a dead body. :)

I totally make fun of people at the gym in my head. Mean and rude, I know. I always laugh at the people that are at the gym and lollygag around for 15 minutes, hop on the bike for 10, lollygag for a few more minutes and leave. I know they are probably thinking, why can't I lose any weight? I am working out at the gym for over 30 minutes. Seriously people!

Carolina John said...

"no one i know would call at this hour"

you are insane. it's recovery week for crying out loud!

NJ said...

The gym is such a necessary evil! I really despise it too, but it's better than dealing with the freezing cold. Can't wait for spring! Love those "cardio bunnies"...those doll-ified girls who don't break a sweat on the elliptical machines. I love sweating it out

Hmmm...good thing you mentioned poop. Wouldn't be a "Missy post" without it!

Julie said...

Hahahahahahaha!!

I always seem to attract the "guy-who-never-runs-on-the-treadmill-but-is-going-to-do-it-today-and-try-to-beat-me." LOL!!!! Yesterday, I had an interval session on the treadmill -- 8x3 min hard/1min off the treadmill. Well, this yahoo tries to copy me... Hahahahaha!!

Except his "hard" lasted maybe 30 seconds, and he kept looking at me. Weird!!!!

San said...

Ahahaha. Girl, this post is hilarious. I just love hit. And well done for getting up at this hour to run in your relaxation week. You're my hero.

Cheers, San

aron said...

ohhhh i SO KNOW this timeline... especially the dog part. they KNOW what the alarm means :) i have 2 cats also though who dont understand "go lay down" so they just sit and meow. i guess it serves as another alarm clock :-/

anyways.... NICE JOB getting it done!

Velma said...

sounds like my morning except I don't have an automatic coffee maker. There might be a trip to target in my future to get one.

Is it wrong that I wish my gym opened at 5 instead of 5:30.

Pamela said...

My dog TOTALLY does the sigh! Although sometimes it sounds like more of a "harumph" - cracks me up every time.

kristen said...

Kudos to you girlfreind. I NEVER would have gotten up at 4:-- for a 4 mile recovery run. Your one dedicated bitch!

Keith said...

We have Amelia the alarm clock cat. She hasn't figured weekends out yet. 4am isn't so bad, but good for you anyways. Though I don't get the 20 minutes of moaning about getting up. If you can do your thing set the clock for 4:20, then get up, you'll get 20 minutes more of sleep that way.

I have never considered the possibility a bird might start flying around in my garage when I open the door. I have lead such a sheltered life.

Why doesn't hubs have breakfast complete with another coffee ready for you when you get home?

MCM Mama said...

Hilarious! My morning doesn't start until 6am and yet starts in quite a similar manner...

prashant said...

great post! I laugh because I'm one of those 4-in-the-morning crazies.

Work From Home

joyRuN said...

Seriously feel your pain. I couldn't get up at 4ish to get on the mill though. No way. I run up & down my street instead so my neighbors think I'm a crazy lunatic stalker.

Molly said...

You must be out the door for work DAMN early to have to run that early!!!! Yikes!

martin briars said...

i enjoy this blog, that i came across by accident! i'm in France, and am just starting out on the long distance triathlon trail!!! i can't believe that a gym is even OPEN at this hour, even less that you guys actually go there!!!!! takes all sorts to make a world then!!
keep on writing!!!
and bonjour from France!
marti

Judi said...

i feel your pain. and you are right, it is sooo nice when it is done. i used to love getting up for a 6am swim. but alas, not anymore. anything sooner than 7am and it's just not possible.

Pamela said...

Hey...thanks for your comment. Someone said that the reason it's so hard when you get a silver medal in a game like hockey or curling is that you have to lose to get it. That makes total sense. I fear our men will have that experience tomorrow night...

theloosemoose said...

That is shockingly, insanely early. Daaamn, woman.

花花美麗 said...

good post..................................................

KK said...

Agreed. Getting up is the hardest.

LOL at 4:45 am happening and the bird in the garage.

There are people at my gym who put on perfume too. WTF? C'mon....

Heidi Austin said...

yah im over the suckmill... where is spring missy??? i don't know how much more i can take!

Alisa said...

Wow, that is dedication 4:00 am! I can do 5 but I've done anything earlier than that--I'd be afraid I'd fall off the treadmill that early.

Aka Alice said...

When Julie wrote "his hard lasted 30 seconds" I giggled...you know you did too...

My fave guys to watch are the meathead/guidos who strutt back and forth in front of the treadmills on their way (allegedly) to the water fountain...like, "dude, you couldn't possibly need THAT much water and yes I am looking at you but NOT. AT. ALL. for the reason you think..." LOL.

Al's CL Reviews said...

Ha! I always think who is the nutjob who is up at 5 something when I'm up walking the dogs.

Vickie said...

Things always go better once you're actually up.

IronMissy - it's official!

IronMissy - it's official!
A vision in green!