Thursday, June 10, 2010
It's not you, it's ME! We've all heard that before, right? Well, that is the case here as well. I have enjoyed my time here but I'm afraid it must come to a close. This is not a ploy for you to beg me to stay. I've been thinking about it for a while. I guess I just feel like everything has run its course, at this point. While I still have so much to say, I am finding that it (at times) has become more of a job than a joy....as you can tell since I haven't posted in over a week. Like anything, I want to enjoy it and if it becomes a job, I best be gettin' paid for this shiz.
I have had the pleasure of meeting a few of you real live and in person. That has been the best part - or even just the hey, aren't you Missy? At a race. That is fun. I kinda feel like I've grown up with so many of you in these endurance and triathlon endeavors. I love the support, advice and general good times that this has provided. I still hope to meet some of yous someday...at a race or at a ride.
My hope is that, at one time or another, I made you laugh until you shot your drink out your nose. If I did that to you one time, then my job here is complete and that makes me happy. Oh, and if I ever do get that great book or writing gig...you better buy it;) Here's a few links to some of my favorite posts over the years, for those that you may have missed. These are just some of my fav's from the archives.
My First Ever Post
Phases of Ironman Training
The Happiest Pee Ever
Funny Mom Stories for Monday - the Fire Marshall
All my best to you and never let me hear you say I CAN'T...I find nothing more irritating. If you're ever hurting for blog material, give me a buzz or I can guest post - I stills gots lots of ideas. For anyone that wants to keep in touch, my email is on my info page! And that, my friends, is all she wrote...
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Swim was a good one, cold, murky, gross but just fine time wise. Transitions were funny, at this point, because most people just strolled into and around transition. The hustle was gone. One event down, two to go.
Bike, holy CRAP! Two loops of the same thing to make up our 56ish mile ride. I have never had a bike split this slow until this day. As far as team drafting was concerned, not that big of a deal, I was just grinding my gears for everything I had...knowing that I had to come back and do it one more time before I even got to run. The beauty of a two loop bike. I did find the best bike food ever - mini golden oreo cookies. After a full day of gels, tremendous gas and horrendous ass, I couldn't stomach one more gel. We both moved on to food (if you can call an oreo food). It was glorious. The ride was pretty and we enjoyed it the FIRST TIME around. We got lots of comments like - you're having too much fun, there's my party people - stuff like that. Yep, we were trying to make the best of it. I don't even think we started cussing too much until loop two when we knew we had to do it again. I can only describe the ride route as every crappy hill in Nashville all linked together to make one, ass kicking bike ride.
After we strolled into transition, got dressed again, it was time for our two loop run - of the same thing we've done all weekend long. The fear, the dread, the rocks in my shoes. OK, we started to discuss a strategy because actually running the whole thing was not even going to be realistic at this point. Tilghman says, let's go 2-1, run 2 minutes walk 1 minute. Perfect. Wouldn't you freakin know it - every 1 minute walk ended on a flat and every 2 minute cycle was on an uphill. DaYum IT! Next, why don't we try to run every flat and downhill and walk when ever the fire road changes pitch. Excellent! This seemed to be everyone's plan. There was no getting around it, walking was going to be involved for us.
We cheered on our new friends, Speedo Cowboy (the guy in a teeny speedo and cowboy hat), Dora Dude (the guy that wore Dora sunglasses last year), the MSU guys who had the worst team kit ever (green shorts, never, guys and I went to MSU), Ironmom, Canada (scared my poor little friend from Canada when I yelled - Go Canada and then proceeded to let out a roar of a belch, he actually stopped and turned. Sorry Canada, that was not intentional and no dig at your homeland) ... really, it was the most all for one and one for all race I've ever been a part of. While I'm sure the top guys and teams were keen on their times and splits, everyone else was just working toward a common goal. To get this freakin' run over with!!!
I knew once we hit ~10 mile marker we were home free. You know what that means, running downhill! Yep, I didn't want to say it but I knew we were home free at that point and it was glorious. Finishing was never in question, how fast was. We loosely discussed what we thought we'd hit the finish line in between me chasing Tilghman up a hill and hollering at our comrades. At this point, we didn't even know where we were in the team standings. No clue, truly and not even concerned. As we made our way 'out of the woods' and onto the last ~.5 mile on asphalt, we saw them. We saw the women's team from the previous day that passed us heading into the woods for the second loop of the run. As we cheered them on (and meant it), the other part of us had a little extra skip in our step. Yep, we made the right decision, I should say Tilghman made the right decision for us on the previous day's races. Let them go, she said, we'll see them again. ...and we did.
We didn't have an ounce left of get up and go so we just ran it on in to the finish. We have never been so happy for each of our slowest half iron times in history. Truly, I was thrilled. I was thrilled not to be moving any more, thrilled to be done and just laughed my ass through the finishing chute because I can't believe we did it. We conquered this bitch.
There's so many other thoughts that I have about this race but here's what I know for certain:
This is the hardest race I have EVER done, hands down (YES, harder than ironman).
This was one of the most fun races I have EVER done.
I laughed so hard all weekend long that my face hurt.
Getting up for a half iron on the last day sucks.
The race doesn't start until Race #3 and #4.
I'm made for pacing (as is Tilghman).
I hate sprints.
I was THRILLED that I brought my road bike instead of my TT bike. Would have been nice to have some clip on aero bars, though.
I don't ever need to do this again.
More to come, other funny stories and our take on the Little Smokies race (the guys that got do JUST do the half on that last day), we were ruthless on them. Oh, and our finishing time was good enough for second place in the Women's Senior Divison. Woot, woot, we were totally stoked.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Bike first, uh, yeah, this is the same bike course we did this morning and it was a BITCH. Now, I just happened to know what we were getting ourselves into. Let's just say we were both married to our smallest gears. There wasn't much drafting for us, per se, since we just had to grind it out. And YES, I did make the 'young one' ride up front most of the time. Hell, I had to play the old lady card some way. Our strategy on the bike - when you can 'feel' pressure on your pedals, gear down and just spin...still got a swim, run and half iron to do. Done and done.
How the hell do you get a wetsuit on a sweaty body? With wetsuit dressers rather than strippers that we're all used to. I didn't have any issues so it was no big deal but how handy to have nice men standing there with grocery sacks for your arms and feet to get your wetsuit on.
To the murky water...we both screamed when we hit the water and scared those around us, I think. It was still so cold and shocking. If I was just smart enough to wear TWO caps. Nothing special on the swim, finished together and walked to transition. I would say that most of my transitions for this were very mellow, again, minutes weren't going to count for me, so an extra minute for fresh, dry socks, lube and some GasX (my new favorite racing treat after ingesting gels for two days), was what I needed. Got all of that and went to Tilghman's rack and the conversation went like this -
Me: I got shoes, hat, GasX and Gu's, what else do I need?
T: I think that sounds good.
Random guy: How about crutches and a HoverRound?
Us: Baaahahahaha, yes please.
....and we went for our 6.55 mile trail run. This nice young man was forever known as HoverRound. Whenever we would see him we just yelled, Hey Go HoverRound. HoverRound, if you're out there, we love ya.
Trot, trot, trot, we ran this shit again, but together this time. We were determined NOT to walk for the Oly's so we pulled out what little bits we had to keep it moving up those bitchin hills. See Til's trashed shoes. I think these we new when we arrived.
UNTIL, I heard them. I hear two girls closing in and talking to one another, they get closer and within 'draft' range for this thang. My pace starts to quicken, the hairs on my neck stand up, we weren't even talking and Tilghman just says to me - stop it, we'll get them tomorrow. We can't kill ourselves today - we pride ourselves in being able to pace. Fine, fine, I know she's right, I KNOW it and I'm glad she was there as my voice of reason. We let the young one's go by (I have no idea how old they were or what division, I just knew that they were a female team). They were super nice and not at ALL snarky or anything. It was just my competitive side coming out. We let them go - and Tilghman says to me, hey little girl, haven't I ever told you about the Tortoise and the Hare?
Run, run, run to the finish and off our mornings race by 8-10 minutes. Hell, we were happy with that since we started to see people totally combust by the third race. Besides sitting in the ice cold stream, hammering a Coke, getting a massage (from Bob who was sweet on me because I got an extra 10 minutes and a hug), eating the best noodle with Parmesan cheese we ever had, it was time to get out of there.
We were feeling good but the thought of a half iron on THAT kind of course the next day was daunting. We needed food and lots of it, stat. Mashed potato, I'd kill for a mashed potato. KFC, certainly, there's a KFC in this town, right? Grilled chicken and some mashed taters...it was NOT to be. Instead, we found some awesome deli, got hand cut french fries with extra salt and a large philly cheese steak. You know, I have never been so relaxed with my food choices as I was for this race. For big races, I'm usually so anal about what I'm eating. For this, it was eat often, eat lots, you're going to need it. As I stood in line for my cheese steak, stinky, nasty, muddy, obviously coming from the race site, the IRONCHODE is standing there waiting for his food as well. Seriously there dbag, get over yourself, 99% of this crowd has done at least one Ironman. He was quite proud of himself and carried himself accordingly. Made me want to put tacks in his transition spot.
Off to bed...but couldn't sleep...was too jacked up. Until an alarm clock went off at freakin 4:00am. Holy crap, are you kidding me?!? WHAT do I have to do today?
Thursday, May 27, 2010
After a crazy nite, we were ready to get this party started. Who knew what the day would bring, who knew that we were getting ready to enter the IRONMAN CONTEST. Bring every piece of ironman gear you own and wear it, it IS a contest, apparently. Does anyone else think it's redundant to have five ironman stickers on your car? Really, is that necessary. We each had our required M-Dot visor (check).
We got all our shiz together in transition with no issues. I love it that triathletes can unabashedly put on arse and cooter cream in public, while talking to another person. I wanted to dose up on some chamois cream and was looking for a spot...until I saw others that were wrist deep. Right on, I will do the same!
The swim was the swim, cold, murky, and OVER. I wish I had a long sleeve wetsuit - I CAN tell you that. The bike, hell, it was so long ago, I can barely remember the bike from Race #2 other than, hilly, as I expected and my slowest bike split in some time. Whateves, save myself, save myself, save myself.
The run - uh, yeah, I didn't know that I was going to begin my trail running and steeplechase career at the Triple T. Bring trail shoes if you own them! That's what I get for 'not stressing' by NOT reading too much into the race packet OR driving the bike course. I like it all to be a surprise. It was. It was also 3+ miles of up, just up, yeah, there were some downs and a flat or two but my glutes still hurt!
Calling ALL men, calling all MEN, this means you - if you wear colored shorts, you have to expect us to point and laugh. Colored lycra is NEVER acceptable under any circumstances. We don't need that kind of pressure and if you think it's not that big of a deal, it IS, trust me, you're not exempt from this rule. If you're team kit has a color other than black on the bottom, work to change it. Just sayin.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Friday afternoon....Prologue - Race #1
After our introduction to the swamp lands (Thank you Mother Nature), we spent the afternoon chilling, fueling and entertaining ourselves by watching person after person get stuck in the mud trap parking area. It was super entertaining to watch people who have never been in mud before, apparently. I took our one ton dually so this was not an issue. Continuing to spin your wheels in mud only gets you deeper, is this not a known fact? Ranger Rick, our friendly park ranger, was deeply concerned about the condition of his field. The sign said, event parking so that's where everyone went, much to Ranger Rick's dismay. Why didn't I help pull people out of the mud, you ask? I have NO clue how to do it without pulling the front fascia right off your car. I don't need YOU suing ME for trying to help YOU. But I digress...
Race time was swiftly approaching. OK, I use that term loosely, race, that is. For me, this was going to be my regular - day before the race shake down. I had no intention of killing myself out there. With such a short race, the difference would only have been in minutes. At the end of the weekend, minutes weren't going to matter to me. We all herd out to swim in the vat of chocolate milkshake and mud. Uh, someone said the water was 73, they lied. Maybe the surface temp was 73 but I screamed when my face hit the water. Holy crap, this is FREEZING (and I just had a shorty wetsuit on, I'm glad I had something to help protect my core temp, jeeze). Fine, then a baby bike ride, no problems, no issues. Finish it up with a one mile run on a muddy trail and wet grass. I didn't even try to hit this hard, I was just trying NOT to bust my arse. I came in #255 in a whopping 29:10. Besides getting into zone 5 when I hit the water, it was pretty tame. Almost a shame to get so dirty, trash my shoes and cake up my bike BUT, there it is.
Dinner was to be nothing new, nothing special....pizza and beer. Perrrrfect. Nothing new on race day, that's my motto (except for new swim goggles, I always want new goggles on race day). After our return to the hotel, it's time to clean up, order some pizza pie and drink a beer, one beer. I screamed when I hit the shower, there was mud EVERYWHERE. I had to pluck it off me hoping not to find a leach mixed in with the caked on mud. I laughed, I was in the water for less than five minutes, REALLY, caked on mud?!?
Beer, we needed that one beer for old times sake but NO bottle opener. I make my way down the hallway, asking anyone around. I see the perfect candidate - he looks like a fraternity boy with a bunch of camping gear. Surely, he'll have a knife, multitool or bottle opener on his key chain - hey man do you have a bottle opener? Like for beer? Duh, yes, for beer, do you have a bottle opener for beer (I suppose it could have been a wine bottle opener)? Uh, you're having beer? Yes, jakeleg, I'm having one beer, do you have an opener? No, sorry. Thanks for nothing dbag.
LSS, we got our pizza our beer and fell into a deep slumber when .... a crack of thunder was so close to the room window that the hair stood up on my neck, I sat straight up and screamed - check the clocks, check your phone, make sure we still have an alarm for the morning. Thankfully, this strong storm passed very quickly.
Now it's time to get the 'real' show on the road...Olympic Race #2, up next!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
This race report is going to take at least four, maybe eight entries to capture it all. So much was packed into such a short period of time. It was only three days but I feel like it was a weeks worth of activity...and good times...and laughter. Please, if you don't know this about me (and Tilghman for that matter) it's got to be fun. If it's NOT fun, I stop.
Before I get into the details, the nitty gritty, the nicknames we had for our competitors, comrades and races details, a few words on the American Triple T OHIO, experience...
This is, hands down, the hardest thing I have EVER done. Maybe I didn't give Ironman a hard enough 'go' but the American Triple T, OHIO (not to be mistaken with the North Carolina 'version' but you can't actually say you've done Triple T until you've done OHIO, IMO) is the hardest, most challenging physically, mentally and everything in between, that I have EVER done. With that said, you will now know why I will ridicule you if you tell me you've done Triple T...NC, yeah, sign up for OHIO and know what it's really like. Holy crap!!! That's like the guy who says - yeah, I've done Ironman Boise. Uh, NO, you haven't since there isn't an Ironman Boise. There might be a little 70.3 there but it ain't NO ironman, just saying.
Yeah, yeah, Ohio is flat, UM, yeah, no, not so much, not Portsmouth, Ohio. Not the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains for crying out loud. Not the Boy Scout Camp Oyo that we rode through where I yelled and cursed every camper in that place (sorry BSA). Anyway, yes, I will wear that on my sleeve because that race was a BITCH.
We left for the race with much less fan fare than Ironman...yet knowing it was going to be harder and logistically challenging. We were traveling with no sherpa just Goofy and Goofier to fend for themselves. Upon our arrival in Portsmouth, we discovered that this area had just been hammered by rain for the last few weeks. The water was high, the ground was soaked and there were trees down in the area. Just take a gander at our swim start locale...
...and this is just the beginning.
I will work on my many race reports for this one and catch up with everyone soon. This has been the focus for so long that I'm not sure what to do with myself. As we said all day Sunday, I'm so sore, my fat hurts. Thanks to everyone for all the messages and well wishes. This one is going to be a wild ride.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
I don't expect you to watch all of it but this is what is kinda making me crap my pants. Yep, it's almost go time. The American Triple T, the race my year depends on, the only big race for me in 2010. I'm sure some incidentals will come along but this is the big one. No, I'm not having taper madness. As YOU know, I love the taper. Makes me feel like a normal person again. You know, the kind that cleans a house, runs errands, cooks a meal, goes out with non-tri friends, that kind of thing. It's good times. Now, I just keep running through everything in my head. What to pack, what to take.
For me, this is going to be a weird combination of a camping trip and triathlon...all.weekend.long. Yep, Friday-Sunday, race, race, race and then race again. I have no idea what to expect other than lactic acid and some killer hills. The kicker, me and Til have no sherpa for this race. We will have to take care of ourselves. WHAT?!?!?! Yep, Goofy and Goofier will have to take care of each other for this one. I will need to record some of the exhausted, sleep deprived conversations. I'm sure they will be priceless.
And for your viewing pleasure...some hilarity...
Friday, May 14, 2010
Bing - UP - yep, I'm up. Two cups of coffee that tasted like dirty lake water and three nervous poops later and it's time to head to transition for set up. My bike rack space was special because was close to Tara from the Biggest Loser. I didn't bother her since everyone wanted her picture and she was trying to get set up. I knew she was bad ass on the show when she barfed and got back up to finish the challenge or work out without whining. Love THAT!
Anyway, it's cold, it's in the 40's, what am I going to wear from swim to bike??? UGH, the hardest decision ever - knowing that you'll be cold but don't want to over heat...blah. Everyone ready, yep, let's head to swim start. WTFFFFF, these genius flip flops are killing me, holy crap, look, two blisters and my feet are covered in red die. I'll probably die from lead poisoning, won't you miss me when I'm gone? Ditch the cheap yet genius idea and just walk barefoot. Continue on with nervous chatter (caught up with Wes, always so nice to see Wes) and met up with other likewise stuffed sausages, man, I gotta pee. I'll be over here in the mulch to warm up and pee on myself. This did not go as planned. A wet suit doesn't really drain like you might hope. Oh well, it's sterile, they say.
They herd us off the dock for an in water start - which I had never done before so that was cool. Didn't mind that at all. Panic, swim, swim, swim, am I getting dropped already, swim, panic, breathe, panic, can't see buoy looking into sun, just follow people, THWACK. Oh, Hi there, Tilghman (my team mate for Triple T), she's right next to me and smacked me in the head. Sweet, I can see the dock (exit), how the hell am I going to lift myself up? I think I just flopped on my belly like a fish outta water. Hope they got that on film.
OK, up to T1, holy crap, it's frrrrreeeezzzzinnnggg out. What to wear on the bike??? Pitter patter on out... I am NOT a good transitionER. I probably got my nails done and ordered a pizza in there. I did a quick inventory, grabbed bike, put on skull cap under helmet for warmth, tap danced on out of there.
OK, just cruise, that was my plan, I wasn't going to kill myself, this was a dress rehearsal, after all (for Triple T). I think I kinda just zoned out. The course was nice, hilly but it's East TN so I knew what it was going to be like. At a turn around point, I see Til coming in my direction. SWEET. I thought she was in front of me. And that was how we stayed for the remainder of the bike. On our roadie bikes we played cat and mouse with many TT bike peeps. We opted for road bikes since that's what we're using for Triple T but I suppose I would use my TT bike for this course. I really could have used a break (aero bars). Then we see 'that guy.' You know that guy, the guy with board shorts a floppy t-shirt, tennis shoes and cages. I am always wary of that guy because he's usually a sleeper. I can't imagine what he could have done on the bike with some newer technology - that's all I have to say about him! Mile 35-40ish the pain on my left side from the previous days fall kicks in. Excellent, I can feel my shoulder, elbow, wrist and arse cheek. Dang, it hurts and my fingers look like sausages. I hope I didn't break anything???
Snake back through town to transition. Again, I stop take off my shoes and then run up to my rack spot, much better. Throw everything, change, roll out, uh WHERE IS RUN OUT, WTH IS RUN OUT, I was a mouse caught in a maze, it wasn't marked and one of my Nashville peeps had to tell me where to go. After I get out of the maze, I head out too fast, as always, yelling WHERE'S TILGHMAN, WHERE'S TILGHMAN, ANYONE SEE TILGHMAN? ...because everyone should know who I'm talking about. ....I hear Mrs. 'Swami, she's right behind you. Again, SWEET, this is going to work out perfectly. You should know that we do many of our runs together and it's like two little metronomes clipping along, tick, tick, tick, add in both of our heavy breathing and we sound like a terrible 80's porno. We clipped along and had to back off our pacing knowing we'd blow up. We are in two different age groups but when I'd see a 36 or 38 on the back of someones leg, I'd just give her the look and we'd tip toe up and then go, it worked on at least two occasions successfully. Clipping along, thanking peoples, getting some nutrition, mile 5 or so, Til stops dead in her tracks - gotta pee, I gotta pee, bad, she says. Not being a whiner, I know she must have that super pee pain. THEN I turn into a pain in the ass pointing out every bush that she should pee in. I'm lucky she didn't punch me. Mile 7, port o can, she jumps in and tells me to go. So, I did. An uneventful 6.1 miles later, I was done and running into a wonderful finish line (I'm not a total hater). They really had a great area set up with a for real finish line, announcer guy and the whole deal. Really a top notch finish, made you feel like a real big deal. Great guys handing out medals and shirts at the end too, super sweet, looked at me like they were proud of me too.
My performance, for me - fair swim, I always panic. Worst bike split ever but it was the hardest bike course I've ever done in a tri, it was nice but hard. Run - best run split ever...of course, these are all according to me and my watch. My goal, besides dress rehearsal for Triple T, was to run sub-2 hours (for the first time) and I did. All in all, a great day, I had a total blast. I achieved sub 6 and sub 2 for the run, success all around. Tilghman was one pee break behind me and coach was ready to reel us in at the end.
Honestly, so much more hilarity than I can even put in here. Oh, on the run, from the previous days fall, my arse cheek felt like a bruise with someone putting their finger in it every time it jiggled...that was often.
Me, meeting up with some bloggy peeps after the race. We actually had some nervous chatter at the swim start - HellO Illinois! At the end she says - are you Missy!? Why yes I am. I think we're talking about how daYum cute Gunnar is.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
#1. I am a reasonable person BUT I DO have high expectations that are exponentially related to the price tag of anything that I buy. This event was very expensive in relation to others. It DID have the nice touches that the others do NOT. That is not in question.
#2. I get ‘it’ – there were more important issues (bike wrecks and the injured) to deal with than my time. The question is, how am I supposed to know that unless someone TELLS ME? You have to communicate these things. So for those who say, how can you be so selfish, so heartless, there were bigger things going on that YOU and your freakin time? Uh, how the hell am I supposed to know unless someone tells me, or responds to inquiries - I wasn't everywhere on course, I didn't know people went down. Hell, I left shortly after finishing since times and placements were unknown. Communication, communication, communication…just tell me for crying out loud.
#3. This is NOT even about my time and I think that part was missed. I was just looking for a fluffy answer, just someone to say that - we are missing XXX times and we’re working on it, hope to have it by XXX. We have every reason to believe we will be able to recover it since we were running two systems in parallel for a situation such as this, blah, blah, blah. Post it on your website, post it on the results page. There was nothing to indicate to me or anyone else that anything was even being done about it. Of course, now and I have received follow up.
#4. I have had my time screwed up before. I have lost placement in my AG because of it. You know what, don’t even care, if it’s right or corrected after the fact, it is what it is. No arguments from me. Suggestion: give people a reasonable expectation that their chip will even work, a scan station at the exit of check in or something. While issues may still arise, it does instill confidence.
#5. You don’t get to call yourself world class or top quality; you have to EARN that designation by your customers. I only ask that you earn it.
#6. Finally, c’mon party people, don’t you even know me…??? Of course I had a good time, you stick me in a paper sack with two friends, $2 beers and $20 bucks and it’s ON. The day was a perfect one, it was a cold start but whateves, can’t control big bad Mother Nature, no matter how hard we try.
REV3 REWIND…Time or no time, this is my dress rehearsal report…
Nashville to Knoxville was uneventful except that our bikes look like McGruber strapped them down on the rack. I am only half way poking fun – it looked awful but our bikes were safe, in one piece with no rubbing, what more can you ask for?!
Upon arrival in Knoxvegas, we hit the expo/check in. For ME, everything was easy peasy. Picked up my junk, took pictures and grabbed Chris Lieto’s ass. I must have hit it at the right time because I was able to walk right up to each station.
Shake down – time to shake down me and my equipment. To the water we go for a 10 minute swim and review of the swim exit. Can I tell you I HATE wetsuits? No, I don’t feel like I’m faster, I feel slower. Hate them. Anyway, swim, check.
Bike – Knoxville is not really a bike friendly town (do not blast me with comments from the Chamber of Commerce, this is NOT a dig at the RD or anyone else that’s part of REV3, sheesh). It just isn’t, motorists aren’t terribly cordial or understanding. As I tried to cross the train tracks and square up to go over, a woman in an SUV thought it would be nice to see how close she could get to me. I think she just wanted to see my raging wedgie from my bathing suit. That said, I couldn’t square up and went down…on the train tracks, hard, in my speedo. Sweet mother of gawd, please don’t let me be broken, don’t let me be broken, or my bike, the bike, don’t let it be broken. OK, raspberry on arse, check, feeling of deep bruising, check, bike, uh, CHECK. OK, let’s go. I really wanted to cry a little but I didn’t. It really hurt.
Run – As the three of us were getting ready to run, one of us needs a pit stop. In said pit stop, HE almost drops his cell phone into the water. Instead, he drops it saves the phone, loses the backing. OK, no big deal, run for a few minutes, check. We return and the boathouse is locked and all our crap is on the dock. I think we smashed our faces against the glass in terror that all our junk (bikes, bikes shoes, wetsuits, everything) was on the other side. Poor lady was right there,our fear got the best of us.
Go to hotel to check in and decide where to go for dinner. Uh, are they having a wedding in the atrium tonite? No, OH, Mother’s Day brunch, check, thank gawd. BUT what are all these kids doing in dresses….holy crap, are you kidding me?!?!? There is a high school prom here tonite. Please let it be a real Christian school of non-drinkers. If I hear a peep out of them tonite when I’m trying to sleep, I will go ape shit on their ass. Dear Lenoir HS Seniors, thank you for being courteous to the old people, I didn’t hear a peep.
Dinner, dinner, what to do for dinner, Mellow Mushroom a few miles away, heck yeah I’ll eat some pizza before race day! Texts sent, 630, MMush. Check. Oh, let’s go early and have a beer. The sign says $2 drafts on Saturday nite. Who has good beers for $2 on a Saturday, why, a college campus, that’s who! Smithwicks..nom, nom, nom. Coach and Mrs. ‘Swami arrive, order, we giggle at the huge crack that is staring at us in the face. It was a picture phone, what can I do. Lowrise jeans are not meant for everyone...me included. I just walk around trying to pull them up all the time. Faces are cut to protect the innocent. The waitress asks – would you like another beer? Til and I kind of freeze and look at each other. It was like ESPN, I know we were both thinking it…one more, even split one more would be just fine, who has ONE beer?! Coach was at dinner with us and answered for us, no, they don’t need another beer. It was a smart decision. I tend to get dehydrated anyway. BLASTED and $2 beers wasted….
Next stop, Walgreens, more water, Gatorade, epsom salts to soak my bruising in the nasty hotel tub (gotta do it) AND genius idea $1 flip flops to walk from T1 to the swim start, genius, right? Save my feet, save my shoes, throw away some $1 flip flops at the swim start. HA.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Bitter, party of one, your table is now available….
Remember THAT rap song, Don’t Believe the Hype with Flava Flav? Yeah, that’s about what I have to say about the REV3 series, but mostly about their ‘customer service.’ For a $250 entry fee and a second home mortgage, you too can enter a race with all the amenities and have NO FINISHING TIME. Yes, people, that’s me #425, DNS … when, in fact, I did show. Not only did I show, I would have been 4th or 5th…that’s if their race results that ARE posted are even correct. Who knows. Post race I was assured that timing and scoring issues were being worked out and that they would be corrected. I was told this in person by a REV3 Director, of some kind. She hands me her card and says, email me if you have any issues. Well, for two days, I’ve been emailing anyone on their contact list. Yep, nada, no response. I am a reasonable person, maybe a little nuts, but reasonable. For $250 I DO expect customer service. If I go to a high end restaurant and something is wrong with my meal, I expect it to be corrected … at a minimum, hell, give me a free dessert for my trouble. That is the part that is MOST disappointing, no response at all. Weak at best. As you might imagine, this is my impression of the REV3 series. Yes, people, just like WTC and NA Sports, it’s about the money. Understandably, any company is in the business of making money. However, as the price tag goes up, so do my expectations. I think for any race the MINIMUM expectation is correct timing and scoring. Hell, at this point, a phone call and an apology would do. I’ll even send you back your t-shirts.
Tell your neighbors, tell your friends, save your money for an organization that is well, uh, organized.
Besides my ‘killer good’ experience there were highlights. Let me start by saying, my friends, team mates and coach (they are interchangeable) are the best. At least, WE had fun during our last ‘workout’. Yeah, this was just a workout for me SINCE I HAVE NO FINISHING TIME AND COULD HAVE DONE THAT SHIT ON MY OWN, but I digress. I will save my workout report for later but pre-race always brings on some hilarity in my neck of the woods.
Since this was not an A Race for me (thank gawd, can you imagine how pissed I’d really be), I was very relaxed or lax in my knowledge of the course, swim start etc. It was not something I was going to worry about. We did a baby sized workout on Saturday that involved me, some train tracks, my bathing suit and a serious raspberry on my arse. I was bruised, battered but we forged on. I wanted to cry just a little but I didn’t. It freakin hurt. Now, I just have a bruised arse with an extra crack in it. This was only the beginning of the karma or cloud that was to follow us all weekend long…
Pre-race dinner – HellO, if there’s a Mellow Mushroom in your town, we are there. Holy shit, you said draft beers are $2!?!?! The good one’s even? You mean we can have a total blast on $10!?! Crap, we have to race tomorrow you said…and coach came with us to dinner and cut our asses off after one beer. Sonofabitch, who invited THIS guy? We know Mrs. Swami would have totally supported our decision.
Anyway, I did realize that the swim start was a bit of a walk from T1. What about my tender baby feet? Baaahahaha. Flip flops, cheap flip flops from the Walgreens to walk to the swim start. Yeah, uh, two blisters and red dye lead poisoning from my cheap ass flip flops later, I’m at the swim start. And that’s how the day STARTED…
Thursday, May 6, 2010
For all of those who offered to take Gunnar off my hands for a while, I thank you too. Yep, after not having a puppy for 10 years, you forget what it takes. He's still super cute and likes to go on walks while carrying his stick or your newspaper. I think some neighbors are missing their coupon section, just sayin.
REV3...did someone say that I have to race this weekend?!?!?! With everything going on, I virtually forgot. Now, you know how this goes, this is not A race, this is B-C race, practice race, just to make sure I can swim/bike/run all in a row. I hope it doesn't turn into a duathlon from all the flooding but we'll just have to see how fast that river is flowing on Sunday. Could be like swimming in a washing machine!
Good luck to all racing this weekend...and rebuilding their homes.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Roadies...or is it men? I don't know if it's a roadie thing or a man thing but as soon as Team Endurance decided to pass 'them' on Suck Creek, they got all snarky. OK, DUUUDE, I'm not going to sit here and say - On your left - for the next 20 minutes. Either get the effe over so people can pass (riding 4-5 abreast) or I'm just going to roll right up your arm. Tell me to announce myself - on your front, see ya! THENNN, another group decides to just cluster in the road, no organization, just a clump of riders. Again, we pass this 14mph crew and suddenly, they get 'organized' ... right behind us, sucking our wheel, feel the need to tell us to hold on to 20mph and that we're doing great. Eat shit douchebag and take your turn or I'm going to tell all your friends that two chicks just beat your ass. This is just the good stuff. The rest of the ride was less eventful, oh, but I did ride through some gravel, recover, NOT fall down to a collective, ooohhhhh, in front of 20-30 people. I may not be the smoothest in the world and be a tri person (known for no bike handling skills) but I made it just fine, thank you very much. The picture above was taken after my recovery but before the floods and tornadoes hit Tennessee. What a nightmare! At least one person in this picture's house is under water...maybe more. We are lucky to only have some water damage to some drywall and windows, but I digress. And yes, I'm totally sucking in my gut and pushing out my chest for effect.
So here's DaBiches, done, fun, and ready for REV3 this weekend. After that Triple T or BUST baby! All we could think about this weekend was - how the hell are we going to feel after race #3??? Only one way to find out...
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I am in that dark place. Not much is funny right now. I’m eating, sleeping or training. I pride myself in blogging about the lighter side of training and racing but today is just not that day. It’s a dark day. I don’t want to any more. I don’t want to get up at 4am, I don’t want to go for a 100 mile bike ride and I don’t want to run for two hours. I don’t want any of it. I don’t care if I don’t race Triple T, you can have it, you can keep it. I want to hang with the fam and drink beer on a nice afternoon. I want to ride ONLY if I FEEL like it not because there’s a 100 mile ride on my plate. I want to enjoy it. I want to just do it because I WANT to, not because I HAVE to. I suppose I could bag it all right now. That IS an option but not for me. It’s not how I’m wired, it’s not how I’m made. I don’t do ANYTHING unless I think I can do it successfully or prepare in such a way to do so…with anything, not just this tri thing.
I pride myself in talking about Pleather, cooter bones and how to never trust a fart on a long run. How you should always carry a pre-packaged moist towelette with you always because you never know when you may have a moment in the bushes. Snot rockets and the virtues of peeing on a bike, that’s what I’m all about, not this serious shit.
The darker side of endurance training – NO I’m NOT made for this, NO I don’t LOVE getting up at 4am every Meffen day, NO I don’t really enjoy running that much. Everyone always thinks I’m a runner because I’m so tall. Anyway, sometimes, I want to give it up, I don’t give a shit if I don’t do REV3 or 3State3Mountain OR Triple T. I want to sit home on the sofa like the rest of America.
Today, I did that. I skipped everything, I played with puppies and drank beer with hubs, we ate pizza and laughed. It was the most perfect and glorious day. You know what, it was a really nice day for a bike ride….mmmm, maybe I am made for this shit afterall?
Don’t worry, dear friends, I know what this is. I am going through my IronBITCH phase. I know it when it happens and, thankfully, know that it will pass. For now, I just don’t wanna anymore.
You know what, this is how I know I’m ready.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
This post is not for the faint of heart. If you are easily disgusted or offended…well, you probably wouldn’t be here in the first place. Presumably, men get this too, just different.
I awoke to this fire-y itching. I just think, dry skin. And then I was itching like a monkey, what the hell?! I haven’t changed soap or riding shorts. By the time morning came, I had to investigate. Mirror in hand, I knew what it was when I saw it…PLEATHER. Crap, I’m smart enough to know how to combat such an unsightly and irritating ‘deal’ on my whooha. A little Body Glide never hurt anybody. Instead, I have been riding in road or tri shorts – whatever is clean, sans lube. Friction has caused micro sized wounds that have scabbed = itching and unsightly PLEATHER. Yep, think old handbag or 80 yo lady who has enjoyed many summers in Boca. Anyway, when will I learn? Certainly, I won’t be talking about this next year, in the thick of training again! Geeze.
Next up, 3State3Mountain 100 miler in Chattanooga next weekend. This week is a recovery week – at 6000 swim, 80 bike, 25 run. Recovery my ASS! Country Music Marathon is THIS weekend but I will only be participating as a spectator….in the ‘thunderstorms and possible tornadoes.’ Swear to gawd I heard that on that there TV this morning. Let’s hope those forecasters are wrong like they usually are. That’s just not good times for anyone.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
- For those of you that voted on my new Road Bike…yep, Titanium was the big winner. It was going to be metal, there was no question there. Hopefully, this bike will have a better shelf life than carbon fiber. …and NO I’m NOT a hater, I still have a carbon fiber TT bike but I can bet you $ that my next one will be metal, of some kind. It’s just a camera phone picture but it’s a Lynskey, hand made in Tennessee, of all places. It’s saaaweeet and lighter than my carbon Bianchi so that does not suck either. I was able to use all my components except for a few. I’m a Campy girl so it’s a Lynskey with Campognolo Centaur components. I’m doing something to support the Italian economy! This has my training wheels on it so I’m sure to gain a little more when I go for the real test with my race wheels.
- Never underestimate the power of poo. This is Power of Poo part Deux, for all my Canadian friends. Last year I highlighted run splits pre and post poo to show the ‘scientific’ analysis of how it can help your run splits. Well, I can tell you this, it still holds true. Did a bike/run brick on Wednesday with a bad gut, could not run, actually had to walk a few steps because I was certain that I was dehydrated or dying. A poop didn’t occur to me, it was 5:00pm and I’m a morning pooper. Holy crap, literally.
- Is there anything more a triathlete likes to talk about than poop, farts or the virtues of how to pee while riding a bike?
- I still can’t pee while riding a bike.
- I need to read my training schedule a little closer, last weekend I did 12 hill repeats instead of six. I think I’m still feeling the affects.
- It will only make me stronger…or kill me. Right now, it might kill me.
- Are ‘Christians’ the only one’s that put up road side memorials? I’ve never understood them or the car memorial that someone has on their back windshield. I feel like my mom went long before her time but??? She’d kick my ass if I put her name and ‘years’ on my car window. C.L.A.S.S.Y.
- Thanks to all for their input on my bike situation. The only problem was time, I didn’t have any. This is still an excellent choice regardless.
- Yep, STILL Cute….