Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Ironmaiden Torture Device

For the love of PETE, I must start making tri clothes for tall people! I know I'm not the only one but yes, my legs are long, yes my ARMS are long and NO I'm not short waisted either. I'm long everywhere. Monkey arms, I tell ya. Why do you think I just love the 3/4 sleeve trend? So in my preparation for B2B, I start laying out all my gear, what I'm going to wear, what I'm going to eat, what back ups I'll need, what I'll need to practice in on Friday. I get to my uniTARD and realize that I have no swim worthy bra. For crying out loud, I'm not wearing this thing to the pool and look like a TOTAL moron. We make fun of those guys. It was bad enough that I had to test out my wetsuit there. The 'swimmers' just love that. Thankfully, the heater pump was broken that day and I was perfect. Who's laughing NOW swimmer peoples?
ANYWAY, I've worn my uniTARD on the bike and running with no issues other than I need EXTRA lube in my nether region. We don't need another pleather incident. See, this did NOT involve swimming so I just had on a sports bra. I am lucky enough to have a local tri shop that's about five miles away. I'm pretty average 'upstairs' so I'm guessing I can find something that works. Thankfully, it's just 'two guys' working the store that day. We wouldn't want any boob talk to be uncomfortable for anyone. I told Chris I was a medium and NO THANKS, I don't need to be measured. I grab a handful OF BRAS, OF BRAS people, and head to the dressing room. Look at this ugly thing. I mean, I get it, it needs to be high neck, don't need any extra water drag from my huge jubblies (baaahahahaha) but man, UGLY. It's fit and function, it doesn't have to be pretty. I get this thing on and it's tight, I like the smoosh effect, I'm totally OK with it as long as there's NO movement, I'm OK. I'm swimming with my arms going like a windmill and running in place in the changing room. Check. OK, this is the one. Um, how am I going to get OUT of it? I'm no contortionist but I think I could qualify on this day. Holy Crap! All I could think of is the fact that there's me, two guys and a random shopper in the store. WHO is going to help me out of this thing? I get it half way off and my arms are stuck. By now, I'm just laughing because if it weren't X-rated for content, it would have been worth the pictures. Bra is rolled up, arms tied up and I'm stuck, totally stuck. I start wiggling, dancing to try to get it to come loose, the bra, that is. FINALLY free, finally free, yep, this is the one for me. Thankfully, the next time I have to put it on, Ryan will be there to help me out - not Dan and Chris. Yep, that had potential to be embarrassing for everyone. Sheesh!

Now back to my many lists...

31 comments:

Carlee said...

great dressing room account; thanks for the laughs

Shannon said...

I sure wish YOU WOULD have captured this on film. Would of been Blog Post of the dayum year!

Did the "Tri Guys" treat you nice?

Ryan said...

I wonder why Fredricks of Hollywood never called me back to be dressing room security?

Hmm?

What were we talking about???

Anyway, Carolina John seems kinda like a major PERV...I'm sure he'll volunteer to take your new bra off. As for me, I'll have a 7 year old taggin along with me so I'll be G rated all weekend...well most of the weekend :-)

Have a safe trip to Wilmington and see ya soon!

Ha, your word verification is: Dorkus. How fitting for me.

Diana said...

This kind of happened to me with my sports bra, damn thing is soooo tight, while trying to take it off, it totally rolled up like yours and almost took a nip with it!
Awesome to be a woman!!!

GeorgiaSnail said...

Thanks for the laugh!!! Good luck at B2B.

Susi said...

too funny about jumping up and down and swimming while trying it on. i swear they should have those mini trampolines in bras shops so we can do a run test to make sure the girls are truly secure! LOL.

have a great time this weekend at the B2B!! 'you are here'. ;)

Tri Mommy said...

I was rolling from your description. Too funny!

Good Luck at B2B!

RockstarTri said...

....must start making tri clothes for tall people

I'm 6'2" and need extra tall shirts since I have a long torso. I haven't found a tri top yet that fits. I'm sure your finisher medal from B2B will fit nicely.

The Running Girl said...

HaHa! I hate getting off tight sports bras, especially when they are wet and sweaty. Glad you found one that worked. Good luck.

FLATOUT JIM said...

Maybe next year you could consider Wildflower, if you know what I mean!

Bill said...

Sure, its all a comic problem for you; but if you read about a guy in South Florida dying of laughter, send flowers, because it'll be all your fault.

Best of luck this weekend.

Julie said...

While you're at inventing stuff, see if you can whip up a pair of bike shorts that don't chafe/rub/cause pleather... that would be golden!!! :) :) :)

Carolina John said...

ryan is trying to be funny too. i'm only a small perv with big parts.

i'm getting everything organized too. there's so many lists!

i get the same "this would be hilarious if it wasn't x-rated" thing every time I take off the one piece tri suit after wearing it for a while. they compress the junk so tightly that it holds position for a while after being "freed" and it's usually a strange formation that makes me crack up. I would love to share that hilarity with others, but can't bring myself to tell a woman it's ok to laugh at my penis or encourage another dude to stare down my junk. Well, except maybe Ryan.

kristen said...

Talk about a bouler holder, that things HUGE. What makes a bra swim worthy?

RBR said...

Hoo! It looks like a mini-flack jacket!

Hilarious!

Oh and us "5'3" round like a f-ing ball" tri girls are not crying you "legs up to your f-ing neck" girls a river. Sorry, we just aren't.

So excited for you!! Can't wait to track!

(mojo peeking its head in, hoping it will stay a while)

Big Daddy Diesel said...

LOL, the vision of trying to get out!!!

Are you doing the half or full this weekend?

Good luck and enjoy your reward!!

Dave said...

man...I wanted to see Glavin's comments...Glavin Where are you...

Runner Leana said...

Wow, and I can so say that has happened to me too! Hilarious! I'm not sure what the deal is with sports bra manufacturers. They either make them for girls with no girls that need no support or they are built like Fort Knox. Nothing in between!! Although the couple of Moving Comfort ones I've tried have been not too bad. Hope the Zoot one works out well for you!

Jon Gilchrist said...

that was funny as shit!! great story!! do good at B2B!!

Jo Lynn said...

OMG, I have totally been there!

In Jamaica, I was in a restroom by a beach changing from a top (with a built in shelf bra) into my bathing suit. I got the outer part of the top up but I could not get the shelf bra part up. No matter how hard I jumped, pulled, twisted - I could NOT get the damn thing up. I asked the next lady that walked in, "can you take my top off for me please?" She did. No questions asked. ;)

BTW - I have short arms, short legs, AND I'm short wasted. Sucks for me too. 3/4 sleeves? Long sleeves on me!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Hahaha! Free The Missy Two!1!

Marit Chrislock-Lauterbach said...

Okay...um...the SAME thing happened to me, with the same bra. I actually really like the thing...and it holds gels and salt tabs and inhalors and any vast array of stuff really well. :) GREAT description - thanks for the laugh(s).

I'll be cheering for you this weekend! GOOD LUCK and have a blast!

Carly said...

LOL. That is too funny. I never knew they made swim bras. I learned something new today.

ShirleyPerly said...

Hee, I've gotten stuck before. I don't know how women with much bigger knockers than I (which is pretty much every woman) try on those things on their own.

Calyx Meredith said...

I actually really hurt my shoulder last year trying to take off my sports bra. Glad you got away safe!

NJ said...

That's great! I can just imagine it too because I've been there...that is stuck with a sports bra trying to get it off. You would think that by now someone could have invented a supportive sports bra that is easier to put on. They are a necessay evil.

MCM Mama said...

Totally LOL. Glad you didn't have to get help from the two guys or the random customer. ;o)

MoonMommy said...

Looked like about a 48GGG to me!

Wes said...

I don't know, but I'm seeing a lot of "For the love of PETE" :-) ROFL... I need some support like that. For.... you know, the bros... hahahaha!

Judi said...

the best best!!!! tri-clothes DO suck! :) i am a fan of 2xu and that's about it now. never did get what was so great about zoot...

Al's CL Reviews said...

Thank you for that laugh!

IronMissy - it's official!

IronMissy - it's official!
A vision in green!