Thursday, November 12, 2009

Beach2Battleship Ramblings

Beach2Battleship ramblings, randomness and learnings in no particular order....

Unlike Ryan B., I had volunteers help me every step of the way (he was so fast that they weren't ready for him). They really did rock out. HellO the girl gave me her last tampooon ... for the love of Pete.

Who is Pete?

The course is NOT pancake flat.

Logistically, the course sucks ass. Two separate transition areas AND a water taxi ride to get back to the mainland. Yes, I stood in line for 1.5 hours AFTER I thought I was going to die.

This random guy was in line for the water taxi, he leans to girlfriend and is talking and pointing at me. I presume it's my Titans sweatshirt that I have on and start a conversation. Something like - yeah, I know my Titans suck it this year, what's it to ya? He said, no, no, you passed me on the bike like I was sitting still.
For the first time in my life, someone whispered and pointed at me as the fast girl. Ha, yay me!

I sat between two douchebags on the water taxi discussing their bikes and how freakin fast they were - blah, blah, blah. This gear, this disc wheel, this powertap. I think one of them started to make fun of my non-aero bento box and tool bag on my bike. At which point, I asked - and how did YOU do today? Oh, well, I smoked the bike but I crumbled on the run, one says. OK, douchebag, that's the idea, you have to do ALL three sports. What are ya, new? Yes, they asked what I was holding and I flashed them first place. Eat it dumbass, talk about my bento box that way...

Just use a damn tampoooon even if you don't think it's shark week. For crying out loud.

Always use extra lube for the run. It was the best use of a minute in my life.

You know you have found your people when you can discuss the intricacies of peeing while riding a bike, fecal matter and periods. Ryan B seemed very disappointed that I didn't pee on my bike and wasn't remotely disturbed when I announced that I had started my period. "Yes, I'll have the filet." How fecal matter made it into the conversation I don't recall. It was somewhere between my steak arriving and my cheesecake, not sure which. I also birthed my water baby during dinner with two trips to the toilet that would make a horse proud. I didn't know I could hold that kind of fluid. Other dinner conversations included were - how to prevent a moose knuckle or a camel toe when wearing a uniTard, McDonald's as pre-race food (Ryan not me), the fact that there is nothing as supple as a freshly shorn scrotum (his words, not mine) and that laser isn't that bad. "Can you please pass the potatoes?" Forever a dork...
I heeded my own warnings and rules to live by ... by NOT trusting a fart. It was the second best decision of my life. I would still be in Wilmington, cleaning up if that were the case. Guts were just foul and I'll leave it at that.

I am thrilled and happy that I did this race but I would not do it again. It was just a little too much travel and logistical pain in the ass that I wouldn't head back. Don't get me wrong, thumbs up but there's lots of good races out there. I don't know that I would do the full distance here either. The crowd just doesn't get it.

Hubs got bitched at by a cop for ringing our killer cowbell for the participants. He got into an 'exchange' and had to explain - that's what you do, this is an ironman for crying out loud. These guys need to know they're not out there alone (especially the 140.6 guys).

The shirt is good - long sleeve tech shirt and a pair of B2B socks! Nice. That's the most in any swag bag I've received in the recent past.

The award is teak wood from the original decking of the USS North Carolina which is WAY cool.

My husband is thee best. See, he was actually sick the week leading into the race. I kept asking him how he was feeling and he just said fine, a little congested. Now that we're home, he said he felt like shit the whole time but that it was about the race so he didn't bring it up. It was my turn.

Why does my body stop absorbing nutrients and insist on making me look pregnant? It's not a good look. I mean look at that profile!

I'm happy and sad to look at my 2009 race schedule and realize that it's over. I have NO clue what 2010 will bring. Triple T - Ohio sounds sick enough to be fun.

I didn't know I could hurt for this long after a little old halfiron race. OUCH! My cankles are really hawt, though.

I guess I finally learned to race and not pace.

My favorite words: fucktard, asshat, douchebag and wonky...probably in that order.

24 comments:

joyRuN said...

That dinner convo between you & Ryan was HAWT!!!

Lasering the nutsack. Who knew?

Diana said...

Being in the medical field, we have some down right nasty ass conversations during our lunches! Nothing is safe!

Carly said...

first of all Fucktard, Asshat, and Douchebag are my favorites. In fact there are days that I swear these should be the names for my children. Kidding!

LMAO at the dinner convo. You guys would fit in well at our table.

ONEHOURIRONMAN said...

St George sounds like the place for you. The Ryan/Missy reunion tour + you all could meet the famous Arnie.

Susi said...

yup, been there with the dinner convo and find it completely refreshing to just lay it all out there like it is! haha.

your hubby is a sweet pea.

yes, you are FAST FAST FAST sista! i love it!!

Mel-2nd Chances said...

Yay for the guy pointing you out as the fast chick, and lol at you setting those other girls straight! Love those words too. Great reflection on the race!

Shannon said...

I love your ramblings....puts a smile on this fucktards face. :)

HEATHER @ runfastermommy! said...

way to stick it to the douchebags with your FIRST place (not third! oops!) award! Waiting for the water taxi really did suck ass

Kim said...

i totally wish i could have been perv talking with you and ryan at the dinner table! love the race afterthoughts - do you think i should plug up with a tampon so i dont get eaten by sharks at ImCoz?

RockstarTri said...

Last night while I rode my trainer, I watched a "Beavis and Butthead" documentary where they explained how some of the words they came up with made it past the censors and which others did not (trust me, it is hard to ride close to threshold while laughing). Your faves are right there with them....

Well done.

Wes said...

If I could be a fly on the wall when you and Ryan get together :-)

Bill said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for putting those gear guys in their place. As Lance said, "Its not about the bike." As for Ryan, he's a much braver sole than I. Not going to shear the scrotum; not going to laser...anything. As for your spouse: way to hang tough, both against the virus and with the cops (We need more cow bell!).

Velma said...

HAWT - Love it!

kristen said...

Fucktard. Douchbag. In that order. Coincedently, that is exactly what I would have named both those idots trying to talk shit about your bento. Fucktards! Douchbags! I LOVE that you called them out. You so my girl!

I got some good tips *should I ever* sign up for a half.

I can't believe hubby got bitched at by that douchebag cop. What would he have gotten cited for "too much cowbell"

As the wife of a marine engineer the fact that the award was made from the orginal deck is WAY fucking awesome. My hubby has been on that ship wich practically makes you and I related....

NJ said...

Don't you love it when a douchebag underestimates you...then they end up with their jaw on the floor when they realize their arrogance!

What a wonderful, selfless hubby you have!

Carolina John said...

ok, now I really wish i had made the dinner. damn@!

you're right, the course was not pancake flat like i was hoping for. it was close, but not quite there.

you must have gotten the water taxi before it got bad. I took the trolley line (3 hours standing when i thought i was going to die). that was by FAR the worst part of the race, and the only reason i wouldn't do it again.

the course was def not spectator friendly. that sucked.

Al's CL Reviews said...

I am laughing at your words, but really the comment from RockStar...there is a documentary on Beavis and Butthead?

Thanks for the kind words the other day.

Amanda said...

OMG! Totally do TTT.

Wish I could've been party to that dinner. steak, lube, feces, scrotum, cheesecake, yum!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Always use extra lube ... It was the best ... minute in my life.

I think this is probably the only time in history when a woman has mentioned lube and the subsequent activity's lasting only a minute and she wasn't complaining about it!

I flashed them first place. Eat it dumbass, talk about my bento box that way...

This is what I like about you, IO Missy ... such a gracious winner!

Hahahahaha!

Judi said...

Eat it dumbass, talk about my bento box that way...

**************

LOVED this.

ShirleyPerly said...

I can't believe your hubs got bitched at by a cop for cheering! But I agree the logistics of this race are a pain in the ass. I wish they could bring in a temporary bridge or something so folks could just walk back to the downtown area.

Alisa said...

I've heard the AZ IM course is flat!

Nothing like someone saying it's going to be flat and it's not!!!!

Your fave words are great.

I also don't understand the bloated tummy thing...I get it during long runs, it's annoying. We run, bike and swim to avoid the preggers look!!

Have you considered a real logistical nightmare race and coming to Cali or the west coast?

MCM Mama said...

You crack me up, girlie! You still rock!

FLATOUT JIM said...

Gawd Girl, I am trying to eat while reading this.

I'll probably remember Aero Bento Box douchebag next year when I am getting passed, and crack up laughing.

I feel for hubby though. I have been feeling like shit the last 3 weeks.

AAHH Next year.

IronMissy - it's official!

IronMissy - it's official!
A vision in green!