Monday, November 30, 2009

Weekend in Review

GAWD, it seems like forevah so here it goes...

Wednesday - got in a baby sized run, that wasn't embarrassingly slow, and lots of Thanksgiving cooking, add in some Biggest Loser on the DVR and it was a party at my house. I'm just in awe of those peoples, I swear, totally transformed. Alan is a stud. He will be totally shredded when he comes back to the finale.

Thursday - Thanksgiving at my house always starts with a bike ride. It was about 45 degrees, I think, so not warm. It's just a 22 mile route from the house, just us, friends and road bikes. OH and NO computers allowed to monitor speed or average speed. I think it was at the half way point (a church) that I started to pray for my salvation from this bike ride. I seriously considered calling for a ride home. For the love of Pete, it was harrrrd. You could have told me a pack of dogs was chasing me and it wouldn't have mattered. Elated to get home and start on some pancakes, bacon and breakfast liquor - pick your poison: Bloody Mary, Kahlua and Coffee, Screwdriver, whatever but you best start drinking NOW. AND WE DID! It's always fun.

On with some Thanksgiving food that was a feast to feed at LEAST 12 - there's only five of us. I'm still eating turkey, dressing, green beans, sweet get the idea. Post dinner tradition is YAHTZEE. I couldn't buy a Yahtzee, blasted. And then it was downhill from there, I felt like hell on a stick.

This is our gangster grill set up. We grill the turkey each year but we couldn't regulate the temp because of the wind. Soooo, block the wind and hope you don't set the house on fir-ah.

Friday morning, woke up, sore throat and loads of gunk, the heavy thick kind. I started jamming Zicam up my nose, after my saline rinse, some Cold Eze tabs and sleep, lots of sleep. I think I saw EVERY episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Wow, really, wow - and I LOVE trash tv.

Saturday morning, cleared my throat and felt like a million bucks compared to Friday. Woohoo, I beat this thing. Always satisfying. Got to see some friends, watch some college football and proceed to fall asleep by 9pm because I know how to party.

Sunday - I was really going to extend my run and did 8K. Yes, this is funny for many reasons. I ended it at 8K for all my Canadian friends. See, I'm not that OCD, it didn't have to be 5 miles straight up! Since B2B, I've probably run six times total for a grand monthly mileage of 24 miles. I told hubs I was going to run for 5ish miles and he said - wooha, wooha, slow down, Missy, why so far, why so fast?! (I've been really milking coaches instructions for time to chill post B2B and hubs has gotten used to having me around more.) Thanksgiving food, that's why! It was a great little run with all the good hills mixed in for good measure. Got to get my Triple T glutes and hammies ready for all 'dem 'der hills.

Throw in a killer Titans win and that's a wrap. This week MAY find me venturing into the land of hot yoga. I'm actually terrified as one of my strongest friends said it was the hardest thing she's ever done. Could be perfect.

My pants are tighter and I'm afraid to look at a scale right now. I will get back on the wagon just as soon as all those sweet potatoes are gone...promise!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Post Thanksgiving funk

Taking a few days hiatus from bloggyland. Some how, picked up a funky head cold, filled with gunk, phlegm and all around good times. Probably spent 14 hours sleeping yesterday. When I wasn't sleeping, I was watching bad tv. I can tell you everything that happened on the Real Housewives of New Jersey. I think I caught the whole season yesterday. Wow, that's about all there is to say.

Thursday, November 26, 2009


Have a great Thanksgiving ... wherever you are! Too much to be thankful for to list, just know that whatever you have 'going on,' someone else has it worse. Be thankful!

Off for the REQUIRED Thanksgiving bike ride in a little while to freeze our giblets off, then pancakes, bacon, Bloody Mary's to kick off the day just right.

Bring on the food. My pants are getting tighter by the day!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

300th Post - Whaaaat?

300 Things about ... ME, who else would they be about ...

  1. I didn't start running until I realized that I was going to hit double digits in my clothes. It was a deal breaker for me.
  2. I've only run three marathons - one was attached to a 2.4 mile swim and a 26.2 mile bike.
  3. I don't really like to run, it's just the easiest thing to do when I'm short on time.
  4. I've never played a sport or been on a team of any kind. I suck at team sports.
  5. I still don't think of myself as an athlete and I have NO idea why. Maybe because all of this started in my late 20's, post college? Who knows...
  6. I hate clicking noises.
  7. People that cut their nails at work disgust me. Keep your DNA to yourself.
  8. I get totally irritated with people who use Facebook and Rolling Stone as their source of news...for which they are an 'expert' on (fill in the blank here, usually medical or politics).
  9. I think ANYTHING can be funny. It's all in the context. HellO Family Guy!
  10. I do not tolerate a liar.
  11. You screw me over once, I'm done with you.
  12. I'm totally terrified about doing Triple T in May, totally starting to freak out. What have I done?
  13. I AM happy that I am doing Triple T with Tilghman because she makes me laugh and we're gonna need it.
  14. I find serious people BORING. I mean, a time and place, but c'mon.
  15. I like dogs, Boxers, specifically. Love the smooshed in face.
  16. I love to run in a one piece speedo. It freaks out the neighbors.
  17. I am an only child - it explains a lot.
  18. My mom was my best friend. Holy hell, hands down the funniest person I've ever known. She didn't care about a thing or what you thought. Gee, sounds familiar. Glad that rubbed off.
  19. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it does not involve gifts. We eat, we drink, we watch football and play Yahtzee. It totally rocks.
  20. Ryan and I double over in laughter at LEAST once a day. Our house is pretty crazy....he still says he's funnier.
  21. I went to an all girls Catholic High School. Retrospect - it was probably one of the best experiences of my life.
  22. I might have the smallest family on the planet.
  23. I have not been to a concert or show in AGES because big crowds + drunk people + smoke wear my ass out.
  24. I don't run or ride with music because I think it's dangerous. How else can I see Chester the Molester in his white van chasing me?
  25. I think if I can do this crap, anyone can. Total non-athletic, non-athlete type and I can do it. Ironwill(power) though.
  26. I get livid when I see a 400lb woman at Walmart, pull up and park in handicapped parking while her son (200lbs @ 10yo) goes to get her the motorized scooter because she has bad knees. No SHIT you have bad knees. THEN, you get a load of their cart, Mountain Dew and any other processed food you might imagine.
  27. ...yeah, you didn't really think that I was going to list 300 things about myself, did you? I'm really not THAT exciting

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Triple T and Me

I am officially official, I have paid up and signed up for Triple T. This will have to suffice as my big endurance race for the year. As many of you know, I was planning to do the 24 Tri out in Colorado in September. It is proving to be a little cost prohibitive at this point. I really would need another few folks to split an RV with (I'm NOT looking for volunteers either) AND it happens to be the same weekend as Age Group Nationals...where all my peoples will (hope) be. SO, the American Triple T will have to take it's place. If you haven't checked it out, here's the format:

Race #1: Prologue

Friday, May 21st, 2010 at 5:00 P.M.

SWIM: The 250 meter swim is a counter clockwise loop course in Turkey Creek Lake with participants starting in a time trial start every 3-5 seconds. Swim start is a dry land running start. Wetsuits allowed.

BIKE: The 5 mile bike course is a challenging loop course to the top of the resort and back. Bring your climbing gears.

RUN: The 1 mile run course is an out and back course on Lamp Black Run trail.

RACE RULES: All individual times count towards the team time. Any individual (solo and team) finishing in the top five overall will receive a 30 second bonus time. NOTE: Drafting is not allowed.

Race #2: Individual Time Trial

Saturday, May 22nd, 2010 7:30 A.M.

SWIM: The 1500 meter swim is a counter clockwise loop course in Turkey Creek Lake with participants starting in a time trial start every 3-5 seconds. Swim start is a dry land running start. Wetsuits allowed.

BIKE: The 24.8 mile bike course is a challenging loop course on park fire roads within the park and state routes outside the park. Bring your climbing gears.

RUN:The 6.55 mile run course is an out and back course on Lamp Black Run trail.

RACE RULES: All individual times count towards the team time. Any individual (solo and team) finishing in the top five overall will receive a 30 second bonus time. NOTE: Drafting is not allowed.

Race #3: Team Triathlon

Saturday, May 22nd, 2010 3:00 P.M.

BIKE: The 24.8 mile bike course is a challenging out and back course on the infamous route 125. Bring your climbing gears or pay!

SWIM: The 1500 meter swim is a counter clockwise loop course in Turkey Creek Lake with participants starting after the completion of the bike. Swim start is a running start from the transition area. Wetsuits allowed.

RUN: The 6.55 mile run course is an and back course on park fire on Lamp Black Run trail. This is a tough course. Same as morning run course.

RACE RULES: All teams must start and finish together. This unique triathlon format starts on the bike in a time trial start going every 10 seconds followed by a 1500 meter swim, then finishes with a 6.2 mile run. Drafting is allowed ONLY among each team. NO drafting among SOLO's. Start order for teams is determined by the highest ranking team member.

Race #4: Team Time Trial

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010 at 7:00 A.M.

SWIM: The 1.2 mile swim is a counter clockwise 2 lap course in Turkey Creek Lake. Swim start is a dry land running start. Wetsuits allowed.

BIKE: The 55.5 mile 2 lap bike course is a VERY challenging loop course on paved fire roads within the park. Bring your climbing gears. This course is awesome - you won’t forget it!

RUN: The 13.1 mile run course is a double out and back course on Lamp Black Run trail. This is same course you’ve run on all weekend. You love it or hate it by now!

RACE RULES: All teams must start and finish together.

What the hell was I thinking? I am signed up as a team. My team mate is the perfect pacer. She thinks like I do about something like this - What pace can I hold all weekend long? How can I not shoot my wad on the super sprint Friday nite and just plug and chug all weekend? I imagine this will be an experience in perseverance like I've never had before. AND I can't even wrap my brain around how shitty I'm going to feel on Saturday nite knowing there is a half ironman the next day. Can you even imagine the bitching and cussing that is going to be going on?! I hope they don't disqualify us for language infractions. I suppose now would be a good time to learn how to ride a hill, don't you think? At least ride a hill well. I also heard something about doing two bricks in a day, an a.m. and p.m. brick. Boy, sounds like a blast.

Well, there will be tons of hilarity on this training ride, I can guarantee that. As far as what else 2010 will bring, I just don't know yet. I may have to get through this one first and then just play it by ear. Anyone know how I can pack on ~10lbs of lean mass by May so I can qualify as an Athena? Yeah, it's probably a dumb idea but I DO love to eat...but hate to lift a weight.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Unpaid, unsolicited reviews!

As I finally made my way back to some workin' out over the last week, I realized that every piece of winter running wear is from 1996. Yes, I can look back at old race photos and still see the stanky ass tights that still hang in my closet. Yes, you can probably see my arse through them but I wear a jacket or something long enough to cover OR just don't care because I'm too cheap. It was TIME...about 10 years ago but I ventured out into the world of new, winter running gear. I won't bore you with the stuff I haven't tested or worn yet BUT there's a few items worth mentioning. My super special run test took place in 47 degree weather and lasted less than 3.5 miles so take this for what it's worth. Longer runs will tell the truth. However, CW-X is a brand that I'm not remotely familiar with. All my old shiz is Hind. Anyway, the CW-X Xtra Support Bra - two thumbs up if you're looking for a bra that totally holds you in without smooshing like a uniboob. Mine are small so most things work just fine. I hear this one is great for girls with big girls and want to look like a girl. So there. It is a B- on getting the thing on an off. I have monkey long arms so it's a non-issue for me. I can see where some chickies would be stuck in it for days. Worth the money for big boobs. I never said it was pretty...

To go from no tights or tights I've had as long as I've been running, to an almost $100 pair of tights almost made me smack Dan (owner of my local tri shop - Endurance Sports and Rec) right in the middle of the store. I was given a kick ass gift certificate to my local tri store for my birfday - thanks to my awesome in-laws! Fine, he says, try these, you'll love them. First of all, they look ridiculous but I'm totally down with anything that works. Kind of like compression socks, sorry, people you look like a moron, it's not a badge of honor that you have cankles, I get it (believe me, I have two pair and I love them and will wear them in public, still looks dumb and yes, I have the cute pink ones the rest of the world, still dumb but very functional). So, I give these hideous tights a try - the CW-X Stabilyx Tights. I felt a little like a robot and that all my joints were on hinges that just snapped back into place. I had NO idea that my old tights had, um, zero elasticity any longer. Apparently, my junk was jiggling everywhere and no one chose to tell me. These new babies sucked my gut in like a girdle and did a nice lift and separate on the arse. It was nice to run and be 'secure.' Again, I only ran three measly miles but I love them. I will have to update and let you know if they're worth almost $100, as of right now, yes. I DO love a girdle and I felt so aero in those pants. Right now A- because THEY'RE TOO SHORT. Make something long people, c'mon. Magnus must protect me always.

As always, I threw in a pair of Swiftwick socks because you can't have enough. These are, by far, the BEST socks on the planet and guess what - made in the USA, made in TN, as a matter of fact. What are the chances? They really do rock out. Ask Keith, I sent him a pair earlier this year.

Well, that's my officially, unofficial review of stuff that I just bought. I got a Mizuno shirt that's supposed to keep you super warm by turning your sweat into some kind of super hot steam room, or something like that. NO they didn't give me this stuff, I had to PAY for it myself.

Side note - anyone have a genius name for our two WOman team for Triple T? I really don't want to go with Slim and Stumpy (her name for this dynamic duo). Need something better for this cussing pair of gurlz.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Monday, November 16, 2009

Football Follies

She was an unknown person. Our section is filled with season ticket holders, we know everyone around us. We didn't know them. Her fingers were the size and shape of sausage links and she couldn't fit into the seat without pouring over the edges. She seemed to be able to get up and down about ten times to get fries, cokes, nachos and other assorted football 'treats' .... but she couldn't seem to stand up to honor the disabled veterans group that was there in honor of Veterans Day (I think all NFL games had various programs to honor Veterans yesterday). I wanted to flick her in the back of her fat head and tell her stand her ass up and clap. Nope, too deep into nachos and fries, I guess. Yep, I'm still livid that she and her equally large husband couldn't seem to stand up either. Hell, he couldn't even get up to get his own nachos, she had to get them for him. THEN, another morbidly obese woman 'falls out' at the game and they have to call medical. I am 90% sure it took the entire medical staff to get her onto a make shift board, gurney, wheel chair looking thing. Problem - she didn't fit on it, back fat was pouring out the back of it as six men tried to haul her up the steps to get her medical care. Yep, the whole thing, all of it, a total embarrassment. I guess it's not a world that I live in. In fact, I only wanted to eat salmon and spinach after watching both of them and their football follies on Sunday. I was so disturbed and equally disgusted. I really did want to smack her on the back of her head - c'mon lady, injured Vets and you're too into your nachos to stand up? I found it revolting on so many levels. Yeah, I struggle with - if I lose 5-10lbs it'll make me faster - syndrome. Problem is, I like to eat and drink the beer that goes with it so I live with my 5lbs. For the love of Pete people, have some self respect.

In workout news...

Yep, haven't done a thing since Beach2Battleship. Today is the day we get back on the wagon. You have NO idea how easily I could be a couch potato. Football or any good marathon on Bravo - I'm in for the duration! It's time to get moving. I don't want to end up like the nacho queen.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Tainted Award!

You said Taint....ANYWAY...

For whatever reason, I decided to pull up the race results online. I just need to put it out there that I am NOT #1 35-39AG but #2. I was called #1 and handed the #1 plaque at the awards ceremony but I'm certain that the girl that won would like it. It's tainted, don't want it, won't hang it, only going to sit in the back of the closet as the award I almost got. I did send a message to the B2B peoples to see a) what happened b) do they want it back and c) send me 2nd place! I know I shouldn't be bummed, 2nd is still more than anything I have ever received. I am just going with - a PR by 12 minutes and I'm happy about that. Guess that's what I'll go with now. I know, wha, wha, wha, cry me a river but it IS disappointing. Heck, even more than me should be the girl that got 3rd but is really 4th and is now out of hardware for AG Awards. I would be pissssssed off.

So, YES, people, I know now. I'm not happy about it. Why didn't anyone tell me? Seriously, I look like a moron. I'm not afraid of being a moron but please don't relegate me to douchebag. Race report still stands just take #1 out and replace with #2. So there! It doesn't matter, I didn't have five more minutes in me, it was still the best I had. The race director indicated there WAS a timing/scoring issue in one age group...yep, mine.

In other news...I have done, nothing since the race other than eat and drink. It's been nice. I know I'll get bored soon but it's nice to NOT be scheduled for a little while. Copius amounts of liquor, beer, wine and birthday cake. Kinda like this guy.

Yes, peoples, I am 37 - it was Wednesday. As I do every year, here are my 37 things I learned in 37 years...

These are listed in no particular order....

  1. You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can’t pick your friends nose…but YOU CAN lend them your sleeve.
  2. Never spit while riding a bike into a headwind – nothing worse than having your training partners tell you that you have a huge loogey hanging off your shoulder or side of your face.
  3. Play nice with others…unless they are in your same age group.
  4. Be kind to strangers…they may be a volunteer at your next event.
  5. Running slowly with a friend may be more beneficial than turning a PR alone.
  6. People think I’m funny, Dogs worship me as a goddess, I will now be known as the Funny Goddess of Franklin.
  7. Sleep is totally underrated…especially on a cold morning when it’s raining outside and you’re supposed to go for a run, ah, to stay in bed.
  8. Ironman is one of the greatest things I have ever done.
  9. If swimming, biking and running were the most fun things we did as kids, are we really just big kids?
  10. Negative people suck the life out of me…I don’t hang around those people, I like the life part.
  11. Never trust a fart on a long run, you don’t need that kind of surprise when you’re miles from home or the nearest toilet.
  12. Always pack a pre-packaged baby wipe – they have many uses from wiping a baby to wiping yourself.
  13. Happy Hour is not just one Hour.
  14. I’m glad I moved to Tennessee from Michigan – you have to rake your roof in Michigan during the winter…to keep the snow from caving your roof in, yep, that one is TRUE!
  15. Friends will come and go. Good friends are the ones that bring you drugs or soup when you are sick.
  16. Mom was always right, you should try to pee before you leave the house, every time.
  17. Laughter can be the best medicine but sometimes Percocet is the perfect medicine.
  18. I don’t like getting up before 6:00am, I’ll do it but I don’t have to like it.
  19. Peeing in a wetsuit can keep you warm on a cold morning.
  20. A massage and a glass of wine is just the perfect way to end any day.
  21. If I could go back to high school or college, I don’t think I would – this part is way more fun…and I can remember it, most of the time.
  22. Loyalty is an underrated quality in people.
  23. Never sit on an unkown toilet seat. There could be creepy crawlies under the seat.
  24. Tell other people that your are proud of them for their accomplishments. We don’t hear that often when we’re older.
  25. Work is work and play is play. Why can’t I get paid to play?
  26. Fart jokes are still funny – as is the unintentional fart at the wrong time (i.e. in church on a wooden pew when everyone stops singing). HILARIOUS.
  27. There is NO greater compliment than making someone laugh so hard that they shoot their drink out their nose. That’s the sign of a great joke or moment. I strive for this always
  28. Always wear shoes on aggregate, it will tear your feet up – even if you are just going out to get the mail. Will I ever learn?
  29. Say I love you to your family every nite and every time you part. It could be the last time you see them.
  30. Fighting is for boxers and cage fighters, arguments and discussions are for families.
  31. Never negate, demean or call your spouse a name in front of other people. It’s not nice and makes you look like an ass.
  32. When you hear a good song in the store, you should dance, even if it’s MUSAK and even if you can’t dance. It’s fun and it’s always time for fun.
  33. Eat dinner with the TV off once in a while. There’s not much good on anyway, especially the news.
  34. Don’t worry about what other people think, why does it matter what they think, they’re probably strangers and you’ll never see them again. Their opinion of you has no relevance to your life and happiness.
  35. Picking up the yard after two dogs is the worst job in the house.
  36. Be yourself, 100% of yourself, not the edited version of yourself and surround yourself with people that like you at 100%.
  37. Race it not pace it. Uh, duh, that's why they call it a race.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Beach2Battleship Ramblings

Beach2Battleship ramblings, randomness and learnings in no particular order....

Unlike Ryan B., I had volunteers help me every step of the way (he was so fast that they weren't ready for him). They really did rock out. HellO the girl gave me her last tampooon ... for the love of Pete.

Who is Pete?

The course is NOT pancake flat.

Logistically, the course sucks ass. Two separate transition areas AND a water taxi ride to get back to the mainland. Yes, I stood in line for 1.5 hours AFTER I thought I was going to die.

This random guy was in line for the water taxi, he leans to girlfriend and is talking and pointing at me. I presume it's my Titans sweatshirt that I have on and start a conversation. Something like - yeah, I know my Titans suck it this year, what's it to ya? He said, no, no, you passed me on the bike like I was sitting still.
For the first time in my life, someone whispered and pointed at me as the fast girl. Ha, yay me!

I sat between two douchebags on the water taxi discussing their bikes and how freakin fast they were - blah, blah, blah. This gear, this disc wheel, this powertap. I think one of them started to make fun of my non-aero bento box and tool bag on my bike. At which point, I asked - and how did YOU do today? Oh, well, I smoked the bike but I crumbled on the run, one says. OK, douchebag, that's the idea, you have to do ALL three sports. What are ya, new? Yes, they asked what I was holding and I flashed them first place. Eat it dumbass, talk about my bento box that way...

Just use a damn tampoooon even if you don't think it's shark week. For crying out loud.

Always use extra lube for the run. It was the best use of a minute in my life.

You know you have found your people when you can discuss the intricacies of peeing while riding a bike, fecal matter and periods. Ryan B seemed very disappointed that I didn't pee on my bike and wasn't remotely disturbed when I announced that I had started my period. "Yes, I'll have the filet." How fecal matter made it into the conversation I don't recall. It was somewhere between my steak arriving and my cheesecake, not sure which. I also birthed my water baby during dinner with two trips to the toilet that would make a horse proud. I didn't know I could hold that kind of fluid. Other dinner conversations included were - how to prevent a moose knuckle or a camel toe when wearing a uniTard, McDonald's as pre-race food (Ryan not me), the fact that there is nothing as supple as a freshly shorn scrotum (his words, not mine) and that laser isn't that bad. "Can you please pass the potatoes?" Forever a dork...
I heeded my own warnings and rules to live by ... by NOT trusting a fart. It was the second best decision of my life. I would still be in Wilmington, cleaning up if that were the case. Guts were just foul and I'll leave it at that.

I am thrilled and happy that I did this race but I would not do it again. It was just a little too much travel and logistical pain in the ass that I wouldn't head back. Don't get me wrong, thumbs up but there's lots of good races out there. I don't know that I would do the full distance here either. The crowd just doesn't get it.

Hubs got bitched at by a cop for ringing our killer cowbell for the participants. He got into an 'exchange' and had to explain - that's what you do, this is an ironman for crying out loud. These guys need to know they're not out there alone (especially the 140.6 guys).

The shirt is good - long sleeve tech shirt and a pair of B2B socks! Nice. That's the most in any swag bag I've received in the recent past.

The award is teak wood from the original decking of the USS North Carolina which is WAY cool.

My husband is thee best. See, he was actually sick the week leading into the race. I kept asking him how he was feeling and he just said fine, a little congested. Now that we're home, he said he felt like shit the whole time but that it was about the race so he didn't bring it up. It was my turn.

Why does my body stop absorbing nutrients and insist on making me look pregnant? It's not a good look. I mean look at that profile!

I'm happy and sad to look at my 2009 race schedule and realize that it's over. I have NO clue what 2010 will bring. Triple T - Ohio sounds sick enough to be fun.

I didn't know I could hurt for this long after a little old halfiron race. OUCH! My cankles are really hawt, though.

I guess I finally learned to race and not pace.

My favorite words: fucktard, asshat, douchebag and wonky...probably in that order.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

(Semi) Wordless Wednesday

Hats off to all service men and women, past and present on this Veterans Day! Thank you for your service to our country.

Always a prankster in the bunch.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Beach2Battleship Race Report - Long Version

Beach2Battleship Race Report - grab some coffee, it's going to be a while. I already gave you the abbreviated version so here's the LONNNG version. I will not bore you with the long ass drive, getting lost in town and our tour of the USS North Carolina (very cool, by the way) and cut to the racing chase.

I got my bike in order, transition spot set up, took pictures with Carolina John. I get totally zen on race mornings. I find that I'll make conversation with people if they initiate, otherwise, I'm just going through the paces and staying calm. I was so glad to meet John and that he spotted me. He's been such a fun, nice and supportive blogger peep. THEN I meet Caylx Meredith and we get on the bus together to go to the swim start. At some point, she told me that I was nice and calm which is my goal and just reaffirmed what I was trying to do and maintain. It is actually part of my race strategy, the calm. I don't hang in the expo, I didn't go to an athlete meeting, all that junk just gets me anxious. I got my packet and got the hell out of there. Got to see Ryan Ironman Barnett pre-swim, he was ready to rock it, you could see it. ANYWAY...

Swim - 27:35 - No, I'm not a superstar. Everyone had fast swim times. HellO swimming with the tide. It rocked out. There was nothing eventful about the swim other than the markings kind of sucked - needed more definitive buoys or swim lines. There were people everywhere. As I exited the swim I saw a 26 something on my watch and thought - this IS going to be MY day.
T1 - LONG run to the bikes, a quarter of a mile or so. Thankfully, I had on those neoprene swim booties. I left that and my wetsuit on so I wouldn't get chilled running to my bike. It worked like a charm. I tried to make quick business of T1 and get the hell out of there. I went with a skull cap hat, gloves and just my uniTARD.
Bike - 2:54 - not pleased BUT this ride is NOT pancake flat as the race directors like to promote on their website. There were bridge crossings and false flats that took a lot of people by surprise. It was fine but pancake is not what I would use as my descriptor. I knew the winds would hit us at some point so when I saw 22-24mph on my computer, I knew that tailwinds were in my favor and to MILK IT. I did and it was great until, you turn, of course. Riding on the interstate rocked out. It was very cool and I felt like I was flying. I did lots of passing and only got passed by about three or four women so I was still very encouraged about this being MY day. At one point on the bike, I stood up to pedal and stretch out and I got the 'feeling.' YES people, my period had started - SONOFABITCH! I sat back down real fast just wondering how long this little, thin, tri pad on my uniTARD would hold up. There was no alternative, I wasn't going to stop. The only other 'event' on the bike was at an aid station. The poor volunteer that handed me water, bless her heart, she didn't take the cap off the water bottle. Besides the fact that I yelled at her, I bit it off and spit it at someone. My apologies to whoever I hit and for yelling at that girl. My period had just started and my cooter was sore from riding. I was getting my bitch on.

T2 - 2:30 - The volunteer took my bike and racked it. That was so nice. I took off my shoes so I could run around T2 in socks. Think, think, think, what to do about shark week starting. I ask the first female volunteer inside T2 - do you have tampons in the changing tent? She said she didn't know but handed me one out of her pocket. I could have kissed her, seriously, kissed her, elated. Get my running gear on, tampoooon in hand looking for a can. I also have a small tube of aquaphor be cause my 'ginny is getting extra lube for this run. I had a serious case of chafing last year that caused me to walk because of the pain - NOT going to happen again. Apparently, I didn't lock the portocan door, dude flies the door open, I'm half necked (uniTARD) and am wrist deep in lube application. NICE! An image burned into his mind for all of eternity.

Run - 2:02 - OK, not the sub 2 hour I planned but it was truly all I had. As I started the run, I see hubs, I kind of feel like crap and I yell at him, my period just started and forged on. I think that's what I'm saying in this picture.
I trot around and am really feeling the affects of the day. I'm sore already, my gut is not pleased. Chug, chug, chug. The run course was OK but the brick road and cobblestone portions can suck it, along with the grate on the draw bridge. It was an ankle twister for sure. I see Ryan Ironman Barnett as he is finishing the run with his bike escort - 1st male finisher, it says. What a little bitch! He yells at me - something encouraging to get my ass in gear like - don't be a pussy and get to running bitch. Something like that. At about mile 6ish, my gut turns in that - I can't eat anymore - kind of way. From this point on, it's me and water, nothing else. My water baby is growing by the minute and I've stopped processing. Mile 8, OK, getting closer. This is probably the point that I yelled at a girl for having someone pace her on their bike. Yep, I was that bitch. Why did I care, she was part of a relay team? No outside assistance, no pacing, it's just part of the deal. I think I yelled - must be NICE to have a pacer. Hell, she probably didn't even know what I was talking about, just like the dumb bitch with the iPOD on jamming tunes. People, read the daYum rules. ANYWAY, I'm looking at my watch and I realize that my STRETCH goal is out of reach but I can still bust 5:30. My hands are tingling, my feet are cramping and I have to run over the bridge to get the finish line. Shit, I can feel myself dehydrating but I can't take anything in, my gut is huge at this point. Mind over matter and tunnel vision is the ONLY thing that got me through the last mile. Finish line, I can see it. Please let hubs be there because I'm going to need someone to catch me and I'm not kidding. He was there taking pics and I accosted some poor old volunteer. 5:27 my watch said, I need to puke.

I sat on a chair and had other people take care of me for a minute. They handed me water. Look at that water baby I'm carrying, seriously 6 months along... I can't even drink water. I need sugar, stat, Coke, anything. He points me to another tent and I give him a retarded look like - YOU expect ME to walk there? He did, I got up and stumbled over to Ryan. We made our way to a Pepsi (I hate Pepsi but I'm ready for simple sugar). Another sweet little girl volunteer runs up to me - want some pizza? I almost puked right on the top of her head. At least I was nice to her - not right now sweetie but thanks. I laid down, legs up. OMG, I hurt, I hurt. This is what it's supposed to feel like. I'm notorious for 'pacing myself' and keeping something in the tank. I really wanted to hit 5:19 but I knew that was not even possible with how I felt at the end. 5:27 was my number and I was happy. After three, yes, three Pepsi's, I felt human again and started to walk around a bit. Hubs is collecting my gear and I'm just trying to feel like a human so we can get on the water taxi to get back to our condo. He goes to look at the results posting and counts out that he thinks I'm 3rd in my age group. Really? Me, a prize? I don't win prizes, I'm a door prize kind of girl but that's about it. Shit, I'm staying for awards at 3:00 if you think I'm winning a prize.

Ryan B, his lovely wife and daughter find us and we're hanging out for awards. Melissa gets us all beers, she totally rocks, Teegan gives me some of her Halloween candy, also rocks. Ryan looks freshly showered and is ready to collect his award - 3rd overall male in 4:20 (HOLY SHIT). He is very fast but he is also very fun. The three of them are one helluva team, I gotta tell ya. OK, age group awards, they come to female 35-39, first place and I hear my hometown and state announced before my name...what??? Yes, the other women in my age group were so stinking fast that they took two of the overall awards (4:30 and 4:43, respectively) opening up the age group division.
In the end, it was MY day. I may never win another prize again but on this day I did. I worked for it, I gave it all I had on race day and it paid off for me. And here's to the off season...I think I'm going to have a bloody mary with my breakfast just because I can.
There's so much more to tell like, having dinner with the Barnett's. I love to have dinner with people who don't think that talking about fecal matter and periods at the dinner table is weird. What a treat! I have found 'my people.' Story to be continued...

Saturday, November 7, 2009

PR - book it!

Thanks a million to everyone for all their well wishes, prayers and good juju. It totally worked and I had to call upon it during some darker moments when I really wanted to walk.

The shortest version - PR of 5:27 and the best part...that was good enough for 1st place in the 35-39 age group. Seriously, I don't win prizes. I think they got the wrong girl or were doing new math. I took my award and ran.

More to come! I hurt EVERYWHERE!!!


Thursday, November 5, 2009


I'm off to Wilmington, N.C. The car is...not packed, the coffee is...not ready and I'm in my jammies. OK, so I'm almost ready. No great news to report other than hubs put my tire changing skillz to the test last nite. Yeah, I can do it, even with the little CO2 cartridge BUT I'm not the fastest on the planet. Here's to NO mechanicals and NO flat tires.

I've booked it all, all the work is done, I just need to concentrate on the present, stay calm, channel my energy and stay warm. Yep, Saturday morning will NOT be a warm one. I've have wrangled my coaches full wetsuit, booties and hat. Water temp is 68 and dropping and there's something about right whales in the marine forecast. I PROMISE you I will freak out if I see this ugly thing!

I hope to deliver the PR I'm looking for....

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Ironmaiden Torture Device

For the love of PETE, I must start making tri clothes for tall people! I know I'm not the only one but yes, my legs are long, yes my ARMS are long and NO I'm not short waisted either. I'm long everywhere. Monkey arms, I tell ya. Why do you think I just love the 3/4 sleeve trend? So in my preparation for B2B, I start laying out all my gear, what I'm going to wear, what I'm going to eat, what back ups I'll need, what I'll need to practice in on Friday. I get to my uniTARD and realize that I have no swim worthy bra. For crying out loud, I'm not wearing this thing to the pool and look like a TOTAL moron. We make fun of those guys. It was bad enough that I had to test out my wetsuit there. The 'swimmers' just love that. Thankfully, the heater pump was broken that day and I was perfect. Who's laughing NOW swimmer peoples?
ANYWAY, I've worn my uniTARD on the bike and running with no issues other than I need EXTRA lube in my nether region. We don't need another pleather incident. See, this did NOT involve swimming so I just had on a sports bra. I am lucky enough to have a local tri shop that's about five miles away. I'm pretty average 'upstairs' so I'm guessing I can find something that works. Thankfully, it's just 'two guys' working the store that day. We wouldn't want any boob talk to be uncomfortable for anyone. I told Chris I was a medium and NO THANKS, I don't need to be measured. I grab a handful OF BRAS, OF BRAS people, and head to the dressing room. Look at this ugly thing. I mean, I get it, it needs to be high neck, don't need any extra water drag from my huge jubblies (baaahahahaha) but man, UGLY. It's fit and function, it doesn't have to be pretty. I get this thing on and it's tight, I like the smoosh effect, I'm totally OK with it as long as there's NO movement, I'm OK. I'm swimming with my arms going like a windmill and running in place in the changing room. Check. OK, this is the one. Um, how am I going to get OUT of it? I'm no contortionist but I think I could qualify on this day. Holy Crap! All I could think of is the fact that there's me, two guys and a random shopper in the store. WHO is going to help me out of this thing? I get it half way off and my arms are stuck. By now, I'm just laughing because if it weren't X-rated for content, it would have been worth the pictures. Bra is rolled up, arms tied up and I'm stuck, totally stuck. I start wiggling, dancing to try to get it to come loose, the bra, that is. FINALLY free, finally free, yep, this is the one for me. Thankfully, the next time I have to put it on, Ryan will be there to help me out - not Dan and Chris. Yep, that had potential to be embarrassing for everyone. Sheesh!

Now back to my many lists...

Monday, November 2, 2009

List and lists and more lists

Race week is upon us! For all the times I've said - I'm READY! - Now is the time to put up or shut up. All that is left is some splash and dash, some spinning, some bike cleaning, a little 'jog' - don't you just LOVE it when people ask you about your jogging. What defines jogging vs. running? But I digress... Laying out clothes, laying out gear, obsessing about every ache and pain, perceived sore throat, the weather and the jimmy leg. While it's too far out to really trust the forecast, I'm seeing highs in the high 60's/low 70's and lows in the low 40's. That will be one cold morning. Mostly sunny, you say, mmm, sunscreen, can't forget that either. Water temps seem to be 69ish or so. OK, totally doable with my sleeveless wetsuit. This might turn out to be the perfect day I ordered up months ago.

The jimmy leg - ever just lay there and your leg involuntarily kicks out? That's what I tell hubs, at least. Your legs feel all creepy crawly, like you're going to jump out of your skin. Yep, it's taper madness time and the legs are getting the physical affects of it! Mentally, I'm ready and will love every minute of this taper. There's no second guessing now. It's a little late for that.

Goals, PRs and such. My best at the halfim distance to date is 5:39. That was Muncie Endurathon in 2008 during the perfect storm. Seriously, pulled people out of the water when the lightening started. It was nuts but I had a good race and made it out of the water without being one of the boat people that was pulled in. So there in lies my goal for Beach2Battleship, sub-5:30. This is realistic and within reach. I also have another goal, a stretch goal, a "I'll be so emeffen happy" goal, but I'm going to keep that one to myself and not jinx it! It's the - if everything goes my way, the stars are aligned, the winds are low, the temperature is right, my nutrition is spot on and I have no mechanical issues - goal. This is the one I am focusing on, this is the one I REALLY want. But, as we always say, let's see what the day brings, plan for it, aim for it but sometimes you have to take what you are handed. As long as someone doesn't hand me my ass...

Let the taper week freakouts commence! Oh, one year ago today it was Ironman Florida and all things Iron. I think about a year ago, I was up, eating my waffles, drinking coffee trying not to think about what a long day I had ahead of me. You know what, it was worth every minute of training. It was a great day.

IronMissy - it's official!

IronMissy - it's official!
A vision in green!