Thursday, October 8, 2009

Pleather?

I have been saving this post because I just didn't know what to call it. I think pleather best sums it up. I received many 'condolences' about my cooter pain on one of my last long bike rides that I had to share with all y'all. (That's how we roll in the South, all y'all because y'all isn't enough.) I even received some helpful suggestions like a bike fit or new bike seat. The truth is, it's not cooter pain as much as pain and rubbing where the leg and cooter come together. This would be where my shorts bunch a little and then, yes, friction. No bush fire, no worries. It burned, I whined and I thought that was the end of it, some good, general pissing and moaning. UNTIL I IT woke me up in the middle of the nite! What is that itching? I know I don't have bugs. Mom used to ask anyone, do you have bugs? Whenever anyone was itching 'down there' - no joke, couldn't make it up.

The next day, I check IT out. WTF, it looks like, it looks like, pleather! I don't know how else to describe it. What happened - raw skin, small baby sized scabs made for pleather. It WAS the most unsightly thing I have seen in a LONG time (think lady who laid out in the sun for 100 years). NO joke. It was ugly. I suppose I have been 'cocky' in my attitude towards lube, bodyglide or anything else to help with the friction. I just chalked it up to my new Unitard. I know you are very concerned but all is well with her, healed up and I have, once again, discovered the wonders of body glide. Bless it. I thought I was losing my mind.

In workout news...
I did a disproportionate sized 'tri' on Wednesday. It was heavy on the swim but if I'm getting wet, it's gonna count.

3000 yard swim - less than an hour, did not really keep track
23 mile bike - pace 18.6mph - satisfactory
3 mile run - 8:15 pace/satisfactory

I was perfectly pleased with these numbers for my little sprint that I did. As I'm running, I'm just thinking - please let the stars align, Mother Nature be happy, and have a day (on Nov. 7) as gorgeous as this. It's not too much to ask for, is it? I've been a good girl this year, mostly. A perfect day would be the gift I could hope for to help me to the PR I'm working towards!

This is totally worth three minutes of your life if you've never seen it. I want to be her someday.

30 comments:

andygoose said...

Ahem. This post would have been much better with pictures...

Shannon said...

That video hands down is the funniest dayum thing I've seen in a while....

I've had "pleather" before too.....weird..

Keith said...

Who the heck is the Fruitcake Lady? I've never heard of her before.

I'm not so sure I agree with Andy. If it's as bad as Missy says, pictures would not at all be the thing before breakfast. Or during, or after. I mean, who wants to see pictures of pleatherized cooter area? But in the interests of Quality Assurance, the after pics are very welcome, so we can assure you that yes indeed, it's all cleared up, and ready for action. So to speak. Just so you have no doubts!

Kim said...

i feel your pain. really i do. i have the exact same thing going on, but actually mine is pretty much ON the cooter. been lubing up with vaseline and neosporin all week. how am i supposed to get tail when i have elephantitis down there?

ONEHOURIRONMAN said...

Reminds me of the Coors Light Coaches commercials where off the wall comments spew out.

You know .1 more mph and you go sub 3 on the bike in the half.

Bill said...

I would feel more sympathy if you didn't have me laughing so hard with your descriptions. You should be doing stand-up. Actually, that may relieve the pain a bit too. Only triathletes can get away with such open discussions of our pooping habits and crotch areas. Isn't that a nice bonus?

Al's CL Reviews said...

I was laughing at you until I read someone's comment about elephantitis.

You all are too much.
:)

Runner Leana said...

Pleather? Ouch!! Ah, the things we go through as endurance athletes. Glad to hear it has healed up. I feel sorry for Kim with her elephantitis though!

Julie said...

First off -- glad to hear you're all healed up. But pleather? OMG, I've never experienced that and I hope to God I never do. I have had my share of boils and perma-wrinkles though. LOL!!!

The Fruitcake Lady!! LMAO!! I've never heard of her before -- that was hilarious! :) :)

Wes said...

I had the pleather syndrome too :-) I rarely use body glide or cream. Gotz to change that! Itchy itchy!!

Jo Lynn said...

LOL. I love how you are so open. Yes, bike seats are definitely something once has to get used to. I feel like I'm always wiggling around, trying to find a comfy zone.

kristen said...

Were you a lube snob before or something? That had to be painfull if it woke you up in the middle of the night. Ouch. Take care of Miss Puss!

Heidi Austin said...

wow i love you! cooter pain or whatever you want to call it really does suck. good luck with that....i'm glad the body glide is treating you well.

Beth said...

I've said it before, I'll say it again ... You aint right! But you sure are funny.

Have you tried Armor All?

Dave said...

your blog always worth a smile.

Molly said...

OMG! That is totally completely exactly where I chafe as well. And only on one side of all things. I lather on the Aquaphor thick for that reason - it is NOT pleasant.

joyRuN said...

Dang. Those numbers are more than satisfactory!! Freaking great!

I get that pleathery chafe once in a while when I forget the BodyGlide. Until it heals, I need to slather Desitin ALL over it.

Carolina John said...

hahaha @andygoose. too funny.

i fight the bodyglide too. don't want to use it. don't know why.

Aka Alice said...

LOL at Pleather...hahahaha

LOVE the Fruitcake Lady..."does he think it's gonna run away?' Classic.

You are well on your way to being her someday!

Carly said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the FC Lady. She is hysterical....yeah I want to be like her too someday. Thanks for the giggle this morning.

Jes said...

If I'm getting wet, it's gonna count.

Works on soooo many levels!

JP said...

Missy, I love the way you just put it out there, writing is your true calling.You should write under the name "The Cropdust Tri Honey." The Fruitcake Lady doesn't have anything on you. JAM OUT !

Maryland Girl aka Michelle said...

Yikes Pleather! That goes with Athlete's boob in the ugh department.
Here's a new product for us cycling women: http://www.reflectsports.com/Anti-Chaffing.html

Gotta love the name! Hoo Ha Ride Glide.
I haven't tried it yet.
Hoepfully what ever you are using will work!

theloosemoose said...

Oh. My. God. How has Teh Glaven not commented on this post?

Chloe said...

Ahhh.. body glide. An invention from the Gods :)

I was talking about cooter pain the other day since I have not changed out my seat on the new princess. And Jason just looked at me and shook his head. I need to have him read that post - as well as the poop one. Ha!

Mel-2nd Chances said...

knew i would smile if i popped over here to catch up on your posts. Pleather?? dayum. haven't had it that bad, but haven't ridden the distances you have either. Glad you're healed up though.

Vickie said...

Well since I seem to have had the same problems until the weather turned COLD, I got a cream (Nystatin) and that seems to keep it under control. I know exactly what you're talking about. I also get the friction elsewhere and it works there too. Not sure if its a prescription only cream, but I did ask at a dr. appt. and that's what was prescribed. Takes the itch out and redness too.

ShirleyPerly said...

Well, I know some folks who scoff at using lube "down there" but if it keeps the pleather and other unsightly and painful stuff away, DO IT Who's gonna know anyway?

And that video, oh my, too funny!

Lana said...

Oh yeah, I get that pleather with a certain pair of shorts, too. It hurts like hell. And what's crazy is that it only happens to me on one side.

Aside from that, Missy, you are the funniest girl on the face of the earth...XOXOXO!

Shawn said...

I guess I've been lucky - I've only manged to forget the glide and get 'pleather skin' on my arms...

And I must know the name of the tri you just did! Finally a Tri that's right for me - long swim, decent bike and a nice SHORT run!

IronMissy - it's official!

IronMissy - it's official!
A vision in green!