Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Birth and Death of Count Flatula!

I have this 'thing' when I ride a bike, I hate to chew. My heart rate spikes, I gag on the food, I ruin my momentum, it totally bites. Anyway, so I'm trying to dial in all my nutrition for B2B. I've been using the Infinit sprint formula for shorterish stuff. So I thought I'd try their protein and sodium rich beverage to give me 'more' for my longer ride. Seems logical. The taste was pretty good and not so protein-Y like some of the others can be. It did taste salty but whatever. AS SOON as I stopped riding my bike, OMG, gas pains, gut pains, doubled over leaning on my car. OMG, this hurts, if ONLY I could....ppfffffttttttt. A little relief from the eye watering pain in my guts, brrrrriiippp, oh yeah, a little better even, mwwwaaahhh, oh thank gawd. Great I feel better BUT I could NOT have started a 13.1 mile run at this point. After my nearly perfect ride, Count Flatula arrived, yes, I was bitten by Count Flatula and it did NOT stop for, for, MANY HOURS. I totally gassed hubs out of the house and the bonus room - forget it, you couldn't even go in there. He turned a fan right on me to dissipate my stank. For all you LADIES out there, there was no stopping it, there was no running to the other room or to the restroom because it was about every 10 minutes and it was eye watering. I could not protect the innocent. The dogs like the stink but hubs wasn't so happy. Every 10 minutes was an exchange like this - brrrrippp, ppfffttttt, sorry, jebuscheerist Mis, WTF? That went on for hours.

I think Count Flatula is finally dead, for now. But NOW, I have some work to do. I may try CarboPro1200 again, it's made in Canada, eh, and you know those guys just lurve us. I only tried it once before with success. It was too close to race day last year so I was afraid to race with it. It's not the cheapest thing so I can't use it all the time. It's a little cost prohibitive. What I need is a food-y product, not a drink. I gots drinks, I need food-y that I don't have to chew. No chewing, no gummy block things either. I don't care if I can't stomach another gel by the end of the race. It won't matter because I won't have to for a lllonnng time. I MAY give another formula a try or even create my own - that's the beauty of Inifinit, you can make your own recipe.

P.S. Count Flatula is a character on the Bob and Tom Show. I borrowed him for the purpose of this exercise...and I'm glad he's gone. Ryan is too!

24 comments:

Carly said...

dayum....nothing like a fart story to send me into eye watering hysterics. Sounds like some nice ammunition for a long car ride. (yes, I really am 12 at heart)

Sorry about the gut rot.

Shannon said...

if that's bad then don't eat kashi cereal....serious colon blow.....

Diana said...

I totally would have snuggled with the old man with a blanket and played "covered wagon" every time the "Count" came around!!!!!

Carlee said...

hahahaha; thanks for brightening my morning. Did you get in any dutch ovens?

Keith said...

Sorry, I'm a chewer. Nothing to add to this conversation. Moving right along. Just in case....

Julie said...

I tried a product once that did the same thing to me -- can't remember what it was called, but oh my God I feel your pain.

I can't handle solid foods while racing and I'm a big proponent of Carbo Pro. Good stuff, no gas. Hahaha!

Kim said...

oh man, i bet your asshole is burning today huh? so i dont like to chew on the bike either, but powergels + powerbar endurance work perfectly for me. have you tried? coming from a 20+ day pooper, this combination is a winner for me.

Carolina John said...

i too have many a good run ruined by poo. and i never can tell if the other people leave the treadmills next to me because i'm just running that long or if it's just the gas. either way, i'm just glad they leave.

Dave said...

Thinking it may be the protien....I like ENSURE during Ultras...250 Calories and easy to down....you can chill it or have it at room temp. But what do I know about cycle stuff...

Bill said...

OK Missy, you win. You are the funniest blogger out there. My approach is to let the Count fly. Anyone who is offended can step up the pace and get ahead of me. Makes for a great speed workout.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Hahahahahahahaha!

It's funny because I'm not Ryan!

Wes said...

After poop, flatulence is the next best thing :-)

ShirleyPerly said...

Oh yes, I've had an unwelcome visit from the Count before. Fortunately, not so much gas pains but I definitely could have been used as an effective debilitating and dispersing agent for SWAT. Seems to be better now that I'm not mixing Gatorade (simple carbs) and Perpeteum (complex carbs & protein).

Hope you can find an alternate solution soon!

ONEHOURIRONMAN said...

God I hope that doesn't happen to me in 6 weeks. I am going to live on Infinit for 12+ hours. Could be ugly for the bikers behind me

BigGirlPants said...

See this is why you have to read the blogs of people who have actually been there and done that...you get to hear all about the good, the bad and the stanky! Seriously, have you tried any of the recipes from Brendan Brazier's books? I think he has some gel and pudding recipes that might not require chewing...

BigGirlPants said...

Oh yeah and almost forgot... recent article said that the Count and his other royal friends
(the BaronA*s von Trots and the Puke of Earl) most often occur in triathletes as the result of too much nutrition/fluid in the late part of the bike. They suggested gels and heavier fluids at the beginning of the bike, tapering to water/light electrolytes at the end of the ride). Just a thought!

Susi said...

i use infinit but have my own recipe so that it doesn't have protein. because i find protein in my sports drink to be a gutt bomb. kinda like count flatula! the gang at infinit were awesome help too - i talked to them quite a bit about what would work for me. the best part - if the formula you make doesn't work - you can get another formula for free!

JP said...

Missy, One year on the return trip from IM FlA, an old man at the shoe barn did a drive-by crop-dust on Abby and me.It was so funny we still talk about it. After B2B you should "go shopping", and as another blogger said " let the count fly". I just hope the manager doesn't have to get on the PA and say "clean up in the shoe department"

Maryland Girl aka Michelle said...

I'm with Shannon on the Kashi cereal - -don't do it!
I don't know much about the liquid nutrition options, but I do get easily gassed from a variety of things. Please let us know what you find that works. I don't like to chew when I am on the bike or running.
You know its bad when you are competing with the dog on who is the stinkiest!

Runner Leana said...

Oh dear...that could not have been fun at all!! It may be worthwhile mixing your own formula. I've noticed that the Infinit IM formula doesn't sit nearly as well in my stomach as my own personal formula does. I'm with you on chewing things on the bike. It messes me up and makes my nose run and just grossness all around.

Judi said...

i use carbo pro. love the stuff.

Kevin said...

I had nonstop nausea on the bike at my Half this weekend. It is the first time I raced with perpeteum and I have a feeling it was the protein that may have done me in. I have to figure out what I am going to do for B2B. I may have to pull out my info from last years SC half to see what I did then.

Hope you find out what works for you

MCM Mama said...

LOL! (Beer Geek is wondering why I'm over here snickering at the computer).

I'm no help. I can only tolerate gatorade, Gu, and nuun. Anything else and I'm a step beyond Count Flatula...

joyRuN said...

HAHAHAHA!!!

Sorry - I know that hurt, but damn that was funny :)

Want to try some Chia fresca? I still have to try this too, but it can't hurt, right?

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IronMissy - it's official!
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