Monday, June 1, 2009

Tips for men...

Here are some tips for men (that hang around triathlon women or women that do any one of the three):

You can NOT be talking about 'some chicks' bathing suit (hot or not) and NOT tell us (girls) who it is. We will pester you until you crack. We gotta know WHO because we have a sick fascination with what all y'all think is hot. Which is across the board, by the way, boob men, butt men, leg men, we just wanna know. Is she too skinny? Is she too booby? Why does it matter - I HAVE NO IDEA.

Never ever never ask a girl if she knows how to change a tube/tire, just assume that she does. Unless it's her first dayum ride, there's a very good chance she knows (especially single women who don't have a hubs fall back plan). I am NOT above getting help from a guy or even shaking my ass to get an extra hand with a tube/tire or other bike adjustment. I even baked cookies for a random cycling guy that helped us with a broken chain once. However, to ask such a question you might as well just say - you're a dumb girl who doesn't want to get her hands dirty OR you couldn't possibly be smart enough to figure that out on your own. I almost saw Dirty Girl (you know who you are) cold cock a guy this weekend. I, of course, don't help the situation by laughing and egging it on. I'm the worst.

While guys have forever peed outside, probably since they were potty trained, this is a very new event for many of us. Maybe not new, so much, as how frequent an occurrence it has become - and it's stone cold sober. Please forgive our need to talk and discuss peeing in all areas - peeing on the bike, peeing in the pool, how to pee on the run (dump a glass of water at an aid station in your shorts, that's what they tell me).

If you're going to get chicked, deal with it. There is no shame in getting beat by a girl who is better than you are on that day. Maybe she's better all the time or maybe she's just having a good day. Either way, have a little bit of grace and class. You can make her 'earn it' but running over her isn't going to win you any points and she might just meatpunch you for fun so watch out - that 'gear' you wear doesn't offer much protection. I better shut up here before I totally show my hand and go on a tirade about this one particular douche bag extraordinaire...

I'm sure there's more good tips but these all seem to have come up at some point over the weekend. Had a great baby brick workout this weekend (20 ride/5 run), some swimming and swimming at the lake with grandma (see previous post). This week is recovery/taper for our RELAY sprint tri this coming weekend. Me and the big man, can't wait!

21 comments:

Diana said...

It's the big turn into the world of "man-hood" when you can pee your name here in the snow!

Marcy said...

"If you're going to get chicked, deal with it" Seriously yo. I'm sorry you sucked that day but whatever get over it :P

Mel-2nd Chances said...

well said... guess i gotta figure out the tire/tube thing so that someone's assumption isn't correct LOL

IronBob said...

How do you deal with a broken chain?
You can "chick me" any day, Iron Missy, and I will still smile..

Tilghman Carroll said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!...what a giant DB! There was still a lot of wad talk after you left too...with me being the only girl after you took off...sometimes you just need your ladies!

kristen said...

Nice summary. And I want to hear about the douche bag extrodionarre.

Dave said...

This weekend's race...2 women passed me after running with me for 4 to 5 miles...wished'em well. Later caught up to them, but couldn't hold them off. At the endurance level...you are out there suffering together. We met up at the end of the race and congratulated each other...Heck, Pam Reed even won the Badwater 135. Check fhe freaking ego in at the door...your not an elite!

Dave said...

the part of my previous comment.."Check fhe freaking ego in at the door...your not an elite!" was directed to the guy who got chicked...just clearing up any confusion.

Carolina John said...

some guys try to pee their names in the snow. But only chuck norris can pee his name in concrete.

Bill said...

Funny and dead on. My wife routinely schools me on the bike after years of trying to keep up with me on in running. Who knew she was a kick ass bike chic? I always say "You go girl," and would for any fit chick that passes me. By the way, we guys think all tri chicks are hot. Fit is hot!

Keith said...

Why does it matter if she's hawt or not? Because that's understandable. You look (but not stare) and enjoy. People might disagree about the degree of hawtness, and that's fine. But what's going on between the ears? That's the important part in a relationship, and it's something most guys realize they will never understand. So we enjoy what we do understand, that certain curves, and ratios between there and there, to say nothing of elastic resonance, are a bit of heaven on earth.

It's those bladders the size of a ping pong ball. We understand, even if we don't quite get the herd behaviour that is triggered by the urge.

I get chicked all the time. Pool, bike, and run. In the pool this am, she's gliding back and forth with no apparent effort, 14 or 15 strokes per 25 m. Julie disappearing ahead of me on the bike. Katie's long legs in zone 1 being my zone 5. All the time, I say. Good thing I don't have any ego involvement in staying ahead.

I wanna hear about the douche bag extraordinaire.

AKA Alice said...

I just love Missy's Tips for Men...hahahahaha

The two times this past month I had bike issues (first time, the brake cable wasn't completely engaged, the second, the flat tire incident), some dudes stopped to ask if we needed help (very nice BTW) but really they didn't help at all. I figured out the bike issue. The herd changed the tire...

So...lesson learned. Smart girls = 2; cute boys = 0 (but they were cute...so maybe I'll give 'em a point for that).

Really? You've peed while on the bike? Didn't that cause chafing? (had to ask)

Al's CL Reviews said...

Thanks for the pee while running. I held it for 4 miles, hoping it would evaporate. Now I know...
haha!

Jo Lynn said...

Hmmmm, did someone get your goat Missy?

Good tips for the boys. I hope they can read it and retain the info you have here. LOL ;)

joyRuN said...

this one particular douche bag extraordinaire...Think about what excellent blog fodder it would be if you DID meatpunch the guy!! I say GO FOR IT :)

MJ said...

Good tips... Thanks for keeping it to 4, any more than that and I'd start to forget the first one or how to tie my shoes or something...

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Okay, fair enough. But what if I DID just come out and say you're a dumb girl who doesn't want to get her hands dirty OR you couldn't possibly be smart enough to figure that out on your own? Would I get points for being honest?

No, NO, IO MISSY! PUT DOWN THAT MEAT-PUNCHING STICK AND BACK OFF!1! I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE MEAT-PUNCHED TO DEATH ...!1!

Jenna said...

oh..please tell us more about the DB!!! Nothing makes a cute guy ugly faster than a bad attitude!!

Southbay Girl said...

I don't know how to change my tire/tube-shit that was my inside voice talking no one was supposed to hear....hell, no wonder I don't have a man in my life I can't change my bike tire! ha ha....but I bet I could beat them running or maybe even swimming since I'm being turned into a fish!

Susi said...

brilliantly said!!! haha. so, did she hit him?? did she, did she???

Wes said...

I am sorry. I forgot the message when you got to meat punch...

IronMissy - it's official!

IronMissy - it's official!
A vision in green!