Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
I'm guessing that I have failed to mention that I totally have open water swim anxiety? Yep, it's at its worst when I'm in a wetsuit (which I won't be for this swim) and when I can see what's in the water. Now, that is all counterintuative, totally, I get that. The wetsuit is supposed to make you feel more secure, more buoyant. I feel more strangled, more confined like it's choking me. I know this is because I've had an ill fitting wet suit for years (sold it and now have none). Apparently, I'm not built like a medium sized woman, I'm more built like a man, isn't that nice. I'm tall which, apparently, means, man sized. I've worn men's wetsuits and they're fine, without the man, his wife would probably object. (Me in the borrowed wet suit. See, not freakishly tall, in fact, look short next to the freakishly tall man next to me. 6'5" makes me look like a shrinking violet!) Yeah, and I don't want no stinkin two piece suit either. C'mon, it's hard enough getting that thing off when you're wet, let alone two pieces to rip off your body like some kind of huge body condom. I always feel like a stuffed sausage or like I have on a huge body condom...just so no one gets pregnant. If there are any wetsuit companies out there that would love a rave review by me that their product isn't a piece of shit that will: a) suffocate you to death b) chew my neck until it bleeds or c) cause so much fatigue in my shoulders that I can't get the freakin thing off in T1, I'm your WO-man....but only if it can hold this 5'9" biatch...certainly, not everyone in the tri world are a bunch of shrimps?
Seeing what is underwater just freaks me out. You'd think that seeing what is there would make you feel better, more at ease. Not me. Give me some dark and murky water where I can't see my arm in front of my face and I'm good. I'll have the periodic thought of a dead body but not often and just keep swimming. It's not a shark thing...I don't think. I don't have thoughts of JAWS or anything. I just don't like seeing things scurry around down there. A jelly fish, gawd, I scream underwater when I see a jelly fish. They burn like hell and I try to swim the hell away from them too.
OK, there it is, I'm putting it out there. I have had the least amount of anxiety at IMFLA last year about the water - I think it was because I was too worried about all those 2000 bodies to worry about the water AND at a small tri last year where I just wore a bathing suit and felt totally free to swim. Don't even get me started about the race...I've never done this before, I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Is it like a 5K run that unless you're stupid fast you just start at the back? I need to do more research...two weeks....
New Math - Swim Calculator for the week of 4/13/09 20,000 Meters (target this week) 20,000 M - 4200 yards (3840M) = 16,160 Meters remain Two more days of new math, swimming in yards and then three more in meters.