Thursday, April 30, 2009

Nite Ride!

Oh, how we love a nite ride! It's cool, pretty and you can see some interesting stuff...hopefully, not the front bumper of a moving vehicle, a bat on your head or pissed off owl.

Yeah, what's it to ya! I'd still rather have him in a bar fight but these guns are killah!
See the super kit kat lights he's got on the top of his helmet? They're bright and look like a beacon when you're descending at 35mph in the dark...we gots killer headlights too. Yeah, well, there a beacon in the nite because he's so stinkin fast that at least I have something to follow up that hill!
I think it took 5 minutes to get this picture taken. We just stood in the parking lot holding each other smiling. Yep, ladies, when taking a picture - neck out and down! Ang's is a photographer, she's always yelling at me, neck out and down, don't want your chin to waddle right into your neck! I always do that too, pull my neck in and look like I have a huge waddle.
No, I did not smoke a bag before we took this contacts are killing me here. Dry as two little stones.

Just in case you were wondering, today's fries were from Rexburg Idaho and the Five Guys people think I'm an idiot.

Ryan is beyond hungry at this point. What gives it away?

This week through Thursday nite - six miles running (already!), yeah, I know, weak. I'm just making a come back. Riding - only once due to weather. Swimming - only once and it was harrrd. Holy crap! My shoulders are killing me. I think my body is just rejecting the anti-swim action is has been getting. Kind of like a run taper when your legs feel all squirmy (the jimmy leg) - I think that's what my arms are going through right now. I'm afraid I might punch someone in the face! My shoulders are so sore that I can't sleep on my sides. Meh, I'll be cured of that soon. More of all three this weekend and NOOOO, I didn't get up at 4am to go swim today, ah, the joy.

A question - does anyone out there DRINK epsom salts? Just curious. The bag says you can, magnesium is good for repair??? It tastes really salty but whateveah. Weird.

Tag - YOU'RE IT!

Woot woot - I'm baaack, yep, back on the S/B/R bandwagon kids and I can't wait. I'm ready to go. Got me some runnin, some swimmin, working on a nite ride for Thursday, yep, that's how it works. I'm ready. While the swim 'thing' was a great challenge and taught me a ton, I think I just like the variety of a tri. Mix it up. I feel like I've got a helluva swim base to start the year. Now, the question is, what race???

I was tagged by Kristen at Will Run for Wine so here it goes...

The rules are:
1. Fill it out
2. Change one question with one of your own
3. Add an additional question
4. Tag 3 other people to do the same

1. What are your current obsessions?
Dr. Pepper Chapstick, one in every pocket, every bag, every get the idea.

2. Which item from your closet are you wearing most often?
Cheap-o tank tops from Sam's Club - 2 in a pack for $15 or somethin'. Comfy.

3. Last thing I bought for myself?
...a race registration, does that even count?...yeah, it totally counts.

4. What’s for dinner?
Shrimps, rice, salad, breadsomethin

5. Say something to the person who tagged you:
Kristen cracks my shiz up. I think if we ever met we'd be instant friends - let's say our 'vocabulary' is very similar. I can't believe all that Kristen packs on her plate and still finds time for all this workout, tri and running jazz. Screw that, I just want to go to the wine bar with her. We can run any old time.

6. What is one item you could not live without?
My bike - #1 Road Bike (Bianchi) #2 TT Bike (Orbea) - because you can substitute them in for your major mode of transportation in a pinch.

7. Vacation spots you must visit before you die?

8. What is your most immediate short term goal?
Increase my running mileage by 1/3rd this week...going from 6 to 9's all good.

9. What are you reading right now?
Just finished Kite Runner, holy crap, it's GREAT. What a book, couldn't put it down.

10. What is the last movie you saw and enjoyed?
Pineapple Express, funny if you're in that kind of mood. Chloe and I have the same taste in films and trashtastic tv.

11. What’s your guilty pleasure?
Big, cheesy, greasy, pizza with lots of stuff on it with a pitcher of beer (I guess that's two things.).

12. What’s your favorite smell?
Wet dog - I can remember that smell from the time I was a wee one. I've ALWAYS had a dog.

13. Best thing you ate or drank lately?
Mexican Martini - super secret recipe, it's smack your momma good. Two and you're under the table.

14. Favorite Quote? My motto at the top of my blog...
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

16. Whats one thing you can't go a day with out doing?
Drink coffee - I could hurt someone with no coffee.

17. If you had to pick just one activity (swim, bike OR run), what would it be?
Cycling, I may not be the best at it but I sure like it the most. You can cover some serious ground on a bike too, you can GO places and see stuff.

18. Whats your favorite holiday?
Thanksgiving because it's not about gifts, just getting together to eat, drink and play games.

19. How many pairs of shoes (not just running) do you have??
So few it's not worth counting, I really need some shoes. Not a shoe whore.

20. Tell us one random thing about you.
I think being an only child, going to an all girls high school and losing my mother ~10 years ago were the most formative things in my life. I think the combination of all three is what makes me do what I do - I don't mind being alone for long periods of time, I think girls can do anything and don't understand self esteem issues, and I'm always trying to search and reach to make my mom proud. I hope that I've done that.

21. My add on question - If you were gone tomorrow, what do you hope people would say about you at your funeral?
DaYUM, you know, she sure did make me laugh, really laugh and I mean, spit my coffee out, drink out your nose laugh, laugh until my face and stomach hurt. Laugh, she made me laugh until I cried. She was good people, I'll miss her. I hope that's what they say about me when I'm gone.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

(Semi) Wordless Wednesday

I've got Boxers but I'm glad mine don't have arses that big. Sheesh!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Shoes found!

I have found my running shoes (yes, that's swim bag in the background). The best part...I didn't get up at 4am to get to the pool today. Wow. 4am anything just blows - unless you're going on vacation. That's the only excuse. Well, I'm sucking down some coffee in prep for this baby sized run. My mileage has been about six miles A WEEK during all this swim training. Time just did not allow it. I will have to refrain from the super ramp up and jump into 20 miles/week. I'll have to mix that in with my ever so favorite, bike!!! Weather is not on my side these days. It's rainy season in TN so you gotta get it while you can.

I think I have finally washed all the Miami off of me. Ever leave some place and feel like you need to scrub yourself from the inside? Not like - I touched the grocery cart and need to wash my hands from the kids arse that's been sitting in this basket BUT a real cleaning, cleansing from the inside with a brillo pad? That's how I feel. Don't get me wrong, had a blast but my eyes are still burning from everything I saw! Yes, this is Buddha smoking a Cuban cigar in our hotel lobby. I think Blondie was trying to feed him beer too. Yeah, I know, weird.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Forilla this time!

I'm baaaack. I know you were waiting with baited breath! There's really so much that can happen in a few short days it's amazing. I will preface everything by saying that I had a great time but I equate Miami to Las Vegas - love it for 3-4 days and then I'm done. Today, I was done. Things I learned while I was away:

Miami is like living in another country - not just South American 'stuff' either. I had two waiters at different restaurants from France.

There are lots of homeless people in Miami - I guess I would go there too if I were homeless. Killer weather. Besides homeless, lots of crazy homeless, shouting random stuff at you - you're the problem lady and another who kept trying to look up our skirts and shorts.

Miaimians like to wear as little as possible without regard to age or size.

I finally found the beautiful people and it was like a parade on Lincoln St. They knew it and just walked up and down hoping to get discovered, I suppose.

Pre-race pix and random shiz (if you're hardcore and just want to hear about the race part, scroll down):

Goal #1 - Accomplished - one Speedo Bag and one purse was all I needed, travel light is the way to go. My clothes were meeting the end of their wearable road but this backpack is the dealio.

Goal #2 - Accomplished - Cuban food is gooood. Everyone was right. I mean, where else are you going to get a plantain omelet?

Goal #3 - Accomplished - Thong wearing, gut having beach goers. Yep, she would have been sliced into two pieces if she bent over. AT least she didn't look like the guy below. Wow, that's some serious beer calories he's hammering down. When do you think the baby is due!?

Goal #4 - Accomplished!!! - 5K Open Water Swim

Race Report

I was totally nervous and freaked out. My gut was in a wrench and it wasn't the cocktails from two days before. It was the pre-race jitters. I haven't had them in a while so I was getting freaked out. I was happy to learn that they let the junior Olympic kids go first, then the men, then the women. Interesting note - no jewelry or watches are allowed. I really wanted to keep my eye on my time but that's the idea, Open Water Swimming is about pacing yourself and navigating without aid, so drop the watch. I've got Vaseline lubed on the important stuff because you do end up chafing, I learned. Seriously, chafing from all the salt water and my suit rubbing together. My bathing suit strap lines were on FI-rah!

It is an in water start, swim up to the imaginary line that the boat man says is there. I swam up and made my way to the very back. I was nervous and didn't want to get caught in the melee. It was very windy too so my strategy was to take it easy and feel my way through loop 1 and pick it up for loop 2. I took it very easy and just swam. I had to get the feel of the water and the current and what I was going to use to help me site my way through this course. The only buoys were at either end of a rectangle - five big buoys in all. So, you almost can't actually see the buoys at 'the other end' and you just have to make your way there and ensure you loop around them correctly (counterclockwise, left shoulder, like most tris). I'm fairly certain I swam more than 3.1 with my killer siting skillz.

I'm swimming and I come up for air and the current smacks me in the face, mouthful of salt water, so gross. I'm swimming and I come up for air and the current smacks me in the face, knocked my goggles loose. Repeat about five more times, I stop, empty my goggles, tighten the straps and shove the eye pieces into my eye sockets. These mofers are NOT going to come loose, dang it. I wear contacts too so the salt was wreaking havoc on my eyes. Those suckers were on, felt like they were sucking my brains out through my eyes.

First loop, check. OK, now that I know where I'm going, I go, I pick it up - I think. I don't really know because I don't have a watch. I feel comfortable that I can push forward a little bit. Who knows if I really did? I had to go by feel. There were no major incidents, other than my little goggle mechanical. There is joy in passing people, I don't care who you are! There was even more joy in passing men (because they started ahead of us).

When I saw the Red Bull finish line, I tried to push as hard as I could to get there. I swear I felt like I wasn't moving with the current and all. I felt like I was sitting still. Pushed it until my feet hit sand, looked over my shoulder to make sure there were no women right behind me, and just walked (sauntered even) to the timing mat. My equilibrium was jacked up after swimming in a dayum washing machine for that long.

We had celebratory champagne post race. Our whole crew did very well. I was not particularly pleased with my time. It was way closer to my half marathon time that I would have liked (1:42 swim vs. 1:48 run, ouch). Did I have more in the tank, yes, I just didn't know what to expect so I was careful not to blow it on the first go round. I felt like I trained for 'better than that.' HOWEVER, I shouldn't complain, that's why we do all of this. Some things you can't train for, per se, you just have to do it, adapt, do it more, get used to it, do it again, feel comfortable. No excuses just slightly on the bummed side. I did end up in third for the 35-39 age group. There was a HUGE range of abilities, though. Minutes, not seconds between 1st and 2nd (12 minutes) and 4 minutes between 2nd and 3rd, me.

Would I do it again...??? That is still up for debate. I have grown to like the swim a lot. I made a goal and accomplished it. I just don't know if I got the goods AND I really miss my bike a whole lot. Sooo, I think it's time to get back on the cycling and running wagon!!! Yep, I'm ready.

Thanks so much for all the well wishes. I was thinking about everyone...I had plenty of time to think in that murky water (just how I like it, truly) as I kept paddling away. Oh, yeah, sunburned back...apparently, my mad sunscreen skillz were NOT in effect. Funny, you can see the line on the back of my arm - it's like I fell asleep face first in the sand OR swam a 5K!!! Now where the heck did I put my bike and running shoes!?!

Saturday, April 25, 2009


Real race report to follow butttt...

I'm alive.

It took me about 10 minutes longer than I had hoped.

It was windy with a current that was tough to navigate (for me). I probably swam 3.5 miles instead.

My mouth is raw from the salt water and my stomach hurts from drinking it.

I took it very easy for loop #1 and picked it up for #2.

I had a mechanical - goggle issues, until I took them off and jammed them into my eye sockets. I looked like I got punched in the face but they stayed on.

Third place in age group, woohoo!


Friday, April 24, 2009

In Wicked Ridonkulous News..

I saw a guy on the beach spread eagle with ALL his bits hanging out of his shorts. You can't tell me this SOB didn't feel the air hitting his shiz??? Topper, he's smoking a cigarette, seeexy. THEN, once he realized we were on to his 'game', he moved AND flashed another bunch of girls. Wow, total eye full. Picture NOT to be posted!

A 2 for 1 drink is 2 for 1 but the one costs $25. It wasn't THAT good either.

I thought ALL the beautiful people lived (or visited) here? This is the same cross section of the world as middle America, fat people and whopping guts. In a speedo, yes, excellent. Check.

However, for all you men out there (just to be fair), I did see a woman just walking down the beach topless, maybe she didn't know her shiz was hanging out either? Saw another woman in a string bikini so small, that if she bent over too far, it would have sliced her entire body in two pieces. Thankfully, she had the body to pull off the dental floss like bottom. I'm not so sure her pre-teen daughter was as proud, however. Kept throwing mom her towel.

The race organization is sketchy at best. Either that or they didn't tell the volunteers a dayum thing. When does the 5K start? I dunno. How will we start, in water start, run in? I dunno. How will the water station work (there's a water station at a dock, who knew)? I dunno. Of course, wanted to ask the obvious question, what DO you know? I refrained and kept my comments to myself. The only thing that I know is that I start at 945est, I have my black cap (who gets dark caps for open water swimming!?), and I'm swimming 5K tomorrow. Other than that, I'll have to let all y'all know how it goes down afterwards.

Total sensory overload in this place. So much random crazy shiz going on constantly. If you want to have a quiet or relaxing moment, you really need to separate yourself from the I sit in the shade pool side thinking about swimming a long ways tomorrow, eek!

Thanks for all the well wishes. I will hear all of them tomorrow in my head when I start to 'lose it' or just need some inspiration.


Thursday, April 23, 2009

Mad Skillz

Time to put up or shut up...

I'm getting ready to test my mad swimming skillz, my mad, very high tech mobile blogging skills AND my mad, mad packing skillz. I am ready for the race, no doubt. I'll make it. The question is how fast? I will utilize my killer booberry blogging skillz to post any wicked ridonkulous news and finish time (not that it will mean much to most). I like to travel light so we'll see about those packing skillz - a pair of shorts, a dress, three bathing suits and some goggles. Seems right?

Stuff I hope to see or experience:

Cuban Food - every time I ask, well, what is it? No one ever says anything other than gooood.

Europeans running around in thong bathing suits. This WILL be documented (with my new camera!).

I guess, if I get those two things + my swim, I'll leave happy.

My apologies in advance for my lack of bloggy comments. I will spend some good, quality blog time on Sunday catching up. Sooo much easier than dealing with this 3" screen!

My best to all racing this weekend - lots of half and full marathons going on. Be careful out there, it's gonna be hot in the South. Eat lots of salt!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

(Semi) Wordless Wednesday

Can you see a theme here?!?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

430am coming to an end, er, kinda

With all this swimming wrapping up, the question is...always, what's next?

Ryan asks, what's next?
I can't wait to get back to riding (more) and running (more).
What's your next race? I don't know, haven't thought about it much.
What is your plan? (He's been around long enough to know that AT LEAST I've got a plan.)
Well, I plan to run about three days, swim about three days, and ride WITH YOU three days.
Uh, and you're training for what again?
I dunno, but training nine times a week seems like a good idea.
Well, don't forget us at home...we like to see you too!

I think he has visions of Ironman training all over again, cold sandwiches and eating alone all the time. Blech! I really don't know what is next but I DO know that I need to get some running legs back under me...if only I can hang on to these huge guns too. I want it all, is that so wrong? If this work thing just didn't get in the way of my good time, I swear.

Wow, what a Boston Marathon finish?!? I need to pull up some video and watch it but with times like that, it truly was a race to the finish line, just seconds apart. OH, and Ironman China, 110-114 degrees, ouch, man. I couldn't hang for an Oly in that kind of heat and I'd be angry in a sprint. Talk about carried to the med tent. Uh, yes, I lost 10 lbs in 8 hours, I'm not feeling so well. Really, no shit?

No more obsessive talk about the 5K swim. I'm swimming a little bit this week and that's about it. I KNOW that I'll make it and it can't be worse than getting into the water with 2000 of your closest friends, right?

Saturday, April 18, 2009

20K - Book It!

Last weeks totals...
Swim - 20,000 meters, book it! My largest swim week, evah.
Bike - 50 miles...and held on to the boyz, I might add.
Run - 3 miles, yep, 3 baby, measly miles. I know where I need to focus...starting NEXT week. Weather here has been sketchy at best and I just hate the dreadmill.

This is wayyy to early for pre-race jitters! Yep, this is pretty much how I'm feeling. AH! Why did I think this was a good idea again?
I'm thrilled to be tapering. I'm a HUGE tapering fan. Maybe it's because I really like to sleep, huge fan of my bed and pillow. HOWEVER, I'm having the grand realization that this is NEW. I mean it's new and it's not new. I've never just swam any event before and I'm afraid of those people. I've heard horror stories of dunking, clawing, goggle pulling and the like. Now, I'm sure that's for the pros or at least those that have hopes of placing. I guess I'll just position myself in the middle somewhere but I have this feeling my coach and Blondie will be dragging my arse elsewhere. I KNOW I can make the distance so that's not the issue. It's the bodies, the arms, the elbows, getting kicked in the teeth, raw mouth from salt water, ugh. Just starting to get a little freaked out by the whole thing.

HUGE BONUS - packing for this trip is like nothing else. A couple of swim suits, flip flops and some shorts and I'm good to go. Weird. No hauling a bike around an airport having unassuming men ask if they can help me...then they grab a hold of the bike case and get a dayum hernia. Not even a pair of running shoes because there is not a chance I'll be running down there. If I'm not swimming, toes in the sand with umbrella cocktail in hand.

I'm special...

OH, I'm special, alright! See what handy work Glaven did for me in all his spare time? So much for running around in girl shorts and riding his sissy bike...he's gots some photoshop skilz! Don't be surprised if you see this as my new avatar on my profile - I'm kinda keen on it.

I feel this good right now (see MissyOyl above) because it's 7:30pmishCST and I'm falling asleep. Yep, 5K swim this morning AND a hillierthanhell bike ride. It was only ~25ish miles but I was hanging on to the boyz for dear life. My arms held up on the climbs and they didn't squash me too badly. It may be the first time evah they didn't have to wait on me at a turn. I was so excited UNTIL my stomach started to eat itself. Apparently, one gluten free waffle, coffee, accelerade and a peanut butter and nutella sandwich is not enough for all that activity this morning. I RAN to the nearest Mexican restaurant, ordered my Coke (it's my #1 post ride drink, screw recovery beverage, I need sugar, mainline, stat), beer and fajitas. I didn't come up for air until I ran out of tortillas and called it a day.

In Ironman training news....from my friends, of course....
I received a message from a friend training for her first IM this year. (Married with two little kids and works fulltime, ouch.) She said - I'm so tired, I'm going to do a face plant. I'm not sure how I got to work today. I have ~4 more months of this. Does it get any better? I had to giggle but only in sympathy. As she anticipated, the answer is NO. You don't feel any more rested BUT you do get accustomed to taking a five minute cat nap on the toilet.

It's not an easy road. Hang tough kidz! For you first timers, totally worth it but there may be ~3 weeks during your peak that you're ready to throw in the towel. Hang tough, it pays off.

ONLY 3000 Meters to hit that magical 20,000 meters swimming this week! You know how everything is relative...I've never been so excited for a 'short' 3000 meter workout in my life. Woohoo! One week from today, eeekkk....getting a little skerd.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Tea Party Anyone?

Great guns and a nice rack! I'm going to assume all y'all (that's what we say here in da South) meant my killer GUN RACK. How sweet of you to notice my eyes, I appreciate it. A few things I neglected to mention - my armpits are big...I'm sure there's a muscle-y name for it but my armpits are bigger AND the skin on my arms feels all tight like it doesn't fit. It's the strangest thing.

Thursday eve - actually got on a bicycle for a while. A nice ride in the country while dear husband stomped me into the dirt. Dang it! I'll be able to hold on one day. Them there hills get me every time. Guess what, that's about all they have in middle Tennessee. You'd think I'd be a) better at them or b) used to it by now but I am c) neither. Keep on, keepin on, I 'spose.

Did anyone else find it strange about all the reports of teabagging going on around the US on April the 15th? While I know there were many TEA PARTIES in protest of this, that or the other thing, I didn't know at a tea party that teabagging was a part of the mix. Now, if I just knew how to get youtube video in here directly? I'm just not that savvy with this shiz. I tell myself that I'll learn, someday and that day never comes, but I digress. I sat up straight in bed dying of hysterical laughter when all these people, news reporters talking about teabagging. HELL-O people, there can NOT be that many naive people out there...are there? Ryan and I laughed and counted a minimum of 12 teabagging comments made on TV in a mere three minutes. And people were up in arms about Janet Jacksons boob?

Off to the pool kids. Have a killer good kind of day. 4000 meters on tap for Friday and 5100ish meters for Saturday morning, barf.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Great Guns!

Before...OK, I'm terrible and forget to take before pictures but suffice it to say, here's what my arms looked like before all this swimming junk started...look at the little pooch they gave Olive Oyl too? I've got that part as well, still.

And after...yep, I got me some great guns. NOW, I KNOW this is nothing big to most and most of yous out der have lovely arms. However, I was truly Olive Oylesque. I would lift some but then heavy training would hit and I'd just be swimming, biking and running with just a little lifting but nothing to make a difference. Well, I'm here to tell you, effe lifting, just swim a gazillion meters a week. I'm so tired already and have a looong way to go.

I'm such a cheeseball ... always! I can't help myself.Our camera is totally crapping out with no hope of repair...if you love your digital...please leave me an email or comment with what you have. I need a new one baaaadly.
New Math
20000 Meters = 4200yards - 4500yards.....12,045 Meters remain for this week
That's Friday, Saturday and Sunday long course at the pool, please join me!!!

OH, got a run in too yipppeee! Now, I just will have to learn how to balance all three all over again.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

(Semi) Wordless Wednesday

Never to be outdone by Walmart Wednesday...true events...IM from a friend of mine...

Why! OH WHY do we continue to shop at WalMart? Getting meds for pitiful stomachs (dog stomachs), yes, it's cheaper, but an old lady who works here was on a ladder stocking something and ripped a solid one in my ear. Son of a bitch! Didn't even apologize, she pooted and ran.

My just got crop dusted!

Oh no I didn't, she farted in my EAR, it was at face level.

These things just don't seem to happen any other place than Wallyworld. Bless it.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Open Water Anxiety

I'm guessing that I have failed to mention that I totally have open water swim anxiety? Yep, it's at its worst when I'm in a wetsuit (which I won't be for this swim) and when I can see what's in the water. Now, that is all counterintuative, totally, I get that. The wetsuit is supposed to make you feel more secure, more buoyant. I feel more strangled, more confined like it's choking me. I know this is because I've had an ill fitting wet suit for years (sold it and now have none). Apparently, I'm not built like a medium sized woman, I'm more built like a man, isn't that nice. I'm tall which, apparently, means, man sized. I've worn men's wetsuits and they're fine, without the man, his wife would probably object. (Me in the borrowed wet suit. See, not freakishly tall, in fact, look short next to the freakishly tall man next to me. 6'5" makes me look like a shrinking violet!) Yeah, and I don't want no stinkin two piece suit either. C'mon, it's hard enough getting that thing off when you're wet, let alone two pieces to rip off your body like some kind of huge body condom. I always feel like a stuffed sausage or like I have on a huge body condom...just so no one gets pregnant. If there are any wetsuit companies out there that would love a rave review by me that their product isn't a piece of shit that will: a) suffocate you to death b) chew my neck until it bleeds or c) cause so much fatigue in my shoulders that I can't get the freakin thing off in T1, I'm your WO-man....but only if it can hold this 5'9" biatch...certainly, not everyone in the tri world are a bunch of shrimps?

Seeing what is underwater just freaks me out. You'd think that seeing what is there would make you feel better, more at ease. Not me. Give me some dark and murky water where I can't see my arm in front of my face and I'm good. I'll have the periodic thought of a dead body but not often and just keep swimming. It's not a shark thing...I don't think. I don't have thoughts of JAWS or anything. I just don't like seeing things scurry around down there. A jelly fish, gawd, I scream underwater when I see a jelly fish. They burn like hell and I try to swim the hell away from them too.

OK, there it is, I'm putting it out there. I have had the least amount of anxiety at IMFLA last year about the water - I think it was because I was too worried about all those 2000 bodies to worry about the water AND at a small tri last year where I just wore a bathing suit and felt totally free to swim. Don't even get me started about the race...I've never done this before, I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Is it like a 5K run that unless you're stupid fast you just start at the back? I need to do more research...two weeks....

New Math - Swim Calculator for the week of 4/13/09
20,000 Meters (target this week)
20,000 M - 4200 yards (3840M) = 16,160 Meters remain
Two more days of new math, swimming in yards and then three more in meters.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Easter Hiatus

Sorry for the Easter Hiatus, I was busy working my way into a sugar coma from all the goodies in my basket - three, count em, three packages of Peeps (does anyone actually eat those?), Sour Patch Kids, Sweet Tarts and Reeses Eggs. What a combo! All tasty little nuggets, except for the sugar coated marshmallows...they usually end up as petrified dog treats around here.

16,000 Meters swimming last week - book it! I totally turned into a prune on my 5K workout Saturday. Literally, the fingers shriveled and my arms were screaming BUT I made it. This week, 20,000 Meters on tap. As if the people at the pool weren't already sick of seeing me there enough, they're going to get an extra dose this week. BUT then, the glorious taper, how I love a taper! Many people don't like a taper, freaks them out, makes them question their preparedness or want just one more workout. Not me. I look forward to less workouts and more rest and to get amp'd up for race day. The only thing I do hate is that my muscles freak out - I get the jimmy leg at night where I just kick out for no apparent reason and my legs feel all twitchy and creepy crawly. Now if this happens with my arms, poor Ryan is going to get punched in the middle of the nite and not have a clue what he did wrong (forewarning). Ouch.

My family thought it was weird that the Ironman 70.3 World Championships were on tv yesterday...I had to tell them it was 2008. I can watch that stuff like it's some kind of 'new news.' I mean, I know who won but seeing it is a whole different ball game. If anyone ever thinks that doing an Ironman is a good idea, I highly recommend watching one live/volunteering. It'll push you in one direction or the other. I saw a couple before I signed up. While I was totally inspired and loved being there, I knew I wasn't ready. By the time I hit my third one, I knew it was the right idea!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Good Friday? Are you sure about the Good Part?

Good Friday, a day off from work where the pool is closed. AHHHH, yeah, I could have done something else but it was oh so nice to sleep in. Plans were to hike with dogs out at 'the park.' After an early a.m. storm, we passed - two girls with two weak (sprained) ankles between the two of us and we thought it best NOT to hike in mud. Good decision. Instead, we hit the Farmers Market but NOT before Angie made me run the steps before I was allowed to eat. What kind of weird ass boot camp is this? Those are steps that go to a short 'landing' and then more steps, 180 to be exact. One up and one down, good, we get to eat. OK, you ready? Ready to eat yes! Nope one more time. OK, second time, up and then down, good, hufpuff, I'm good. OK, how about at least one more time, maybe two? YES already, then do I get to eat? Yes, she says, one more time. Three times, the thunder started and we went to the Farmers Market. shop and eat, thank gawd.
We mill around looking at all the foods, veggies and toilet seat covers - yep, they got a flea market section too. Velour looking toilet seat covers that would look lovely in your home. Then a crazy lady with a plant stand says - the sireeeens are going off (think southern accent), you better get in your car and go home, we're locking up. None of this makes sense. Yes, crazy lady, I heard the sireeeens going off, fine, but I'm not freakin getting in my GD car and driving into the storm. WTF? Sooo, we get some food and a seat away from the windows and eat (while simultaneously getting text messages from respective husbands regarding the status of the storms). We ate, we shopped and then got home to the TV. Houses flattened, people injured, lives lost. This is not how Good Friday is supposed to go.It got ugly where we were but the tornadoes hit ~20 miles from where we were and our homes. Why is it that when anything tragic happens, they find the biggest redneck they can find? I mean, I'm sure there were other people to choose from, there's a lot of devastation out there right now. But the guy in the wifebeater tank and one tooth, he's the best interviewee you got? Then there was the praise Jebus lady...all I can do is praise Jesus, that's all I can do, I've lost everything, my neighbors lost everything too, but all I can do is praise Jesus....because WE're all alive. The rest is just things, praise Jesus. Well, I may not be the biggest Praise Jebus person in the world but I can only hope that she can find comfort in that.

Stay tuned to your local news and weather if you're southeast of's an ugly one. More workout news to come...we're currently glued to the tv.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

New Math

16000 Meters - 4200yards - 4200yards = 8400 Meters left for the week ... with a 5K swim on Saturday, I gots to get in 3400M on Thursday. Our pool is short course half the time and long course the other half - I'm always having to do new math to get my meters correct. Thank gawd for online conversion calculators. I'd be stuck in metric hell! ...actually, metric is easier than whateverthehellitisthatweuse, but I digress. I remember having to learn metric in the 5th grade because - it was coming. I guess I'm the last one still waiting! I'm hopeful.

Everyone's the same in a Speedo. You know you're out somewhere and you see someone that you run, ride or swim with and you always have to introduce yourself because no one recognizes one another 'out of context?' I had the grand realization last nite that everyone is the same in a Speedo. I don't care if you're a doctor, lawyer, tv personality, soap star, stay at home mom, commercial airline pilot or a machine operator. When you're hanging out at the pool in your Speedo, it's all out there...some more than others...and I'm talking about people with old, raggy, see thru bathing suits...NOT those that carry a little more here or there. It's all out there, you're just this side of naked, sorry for the visual but you are. It's as close as you're going to get in public, anyway, OK, probably. After we all leave the pool and get dressed, we get back to our real lives and our real jobs. I guess for that short moment in time, we're all just the same....half naked flopping in a pool. So, if we ever run into one another out sometime, please introduce yourself and forgive me if I introduce you to Ryan as - blue speedo guy or teenie weanie bikini guy or turtleman - it's all the same in a Speedo.

P.S. I did get in one hillierthanhell nite ride on Tuesday - add in one Five Guys Cheeseburger at the end and I was one happy little climber.

(Semi) Wordless Wednesday

And I was worried about wearing a bikini!?!?!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Three Weeks!

I send my coach an email - what do the next three weeks look like distance wise (for my swim training)? The 5K Swim is April 25. And SHEEEE says - keep it 15,000-20,000 meters for the next two weeks and then we'll taper a little!? After I spit my water on my Booberry and I stopped hyperventilating, I emailed my training partner (and bikini shopper)...I think it went like this...

WTF??? I was bragging all over town that I did 16,000 last week and was all jazzed about it. Now I've got to get in 20K??? OK, Ms. Smartie pants...YOU do the math..either we're doing two a days swimming OR we have to shake it to the pool five days next week! I'm no swimmer, YOU'RE the swimmer, 20K. Holy crap, my skin already feels like it has scales. Oh, for the love of Pete!

Her response...

Five days, see you at the pool Tuesday morning. (THAT was all she had to say, I think she was having a little moment herself.)

There it is, another 16,000 this week and upping the ante to 18-20,000 next week. I'm trying to get excited about it. It will be a new milestone, that's fo sho! My guns are freakin huge..give me another 30,000 meters and I'll post a picture. Believe me, it's all relative but Ryan really likes it when I walk around the house flexing yelling - WELCOME TO THE GUN SHOW BABY and kiss my bicep! He just rolls his eyes.

Now that tri season is really upon us, I find that I'm missing it in a big way. I can sit on the computer and watch time splits all day long. I really need to figure out what I'm going to do the rest of this year??? Beach2Battleship looks very interesting and I think there's lots of yous out there doing it too. Mmmm and you don't have to pay the WTC tax, even bettah!

In other non-tri news....

Poor Spartans got it handed to them last nite. I had to stop watching the bleeding. At least when I had the game on, it was terrible. Well, they made it that far.

An email exchange with a friend that made me spit my water and bust out, here it goes

Message to me:

I just got out of a meeting with HR on my personality test results. It was very interesting...

Was it the Meyers-Briggs test or what? What did it say?

It said that I'm an outdoors person and I work with a bunch of f*cktards.

REALLY, you just can't top that and f*cktard is my new favorite word. See if you can work it into your day!

Monday, April 6, 2009


First and foremost - shout out to all those NOLA racers on Sunday! Can't wait to see everyone's race report. Steve (and Pharmie), TriJames, Chloe, Amy and my Excel, blogless, teammates Kevin and Vickie. From what I'm seeing, everyone had a great race. I'll be interested on your take. Oh, yeah, and there's Marit who raced 70.3 on the other side, the Oceanside. Yeah, she did OK too, UM, yep, she's going to Kona!!! I'd say that's a good run at her first race 'back' in action. Sheesh! Way to go!
Way to GO Spartans - love my Spartans! Michigan State University, class of 1995!

In the last week, I had two different, unrelated people say that I was an inspiration. I giggled, I laughed, whhhat? An inspiration? I don't even have a good story to tell - I wasn't 800lbs and lost it all to become some supreme athlete, I wasn't a raging drug addict that traded in drugs for triathlon, I wasn't even a high school or college track star or swimmer. I'm just a girl. I only started running because I needed to lose weight - it was post college and living on ramen and beer had caught up with me. Save losing ~15 lbs. that's what started all of this. I suppose none of us know how or who we inspire. I find it freakin hilarious that anyone thinks that I AM inspiring. Now I'm not phising, I'm not looking for comments on how freakin inspiring I am, it just made me think about why, why do I continue on this path? I will never win a prize, I'll never qualify for Kona (unless I'm still doing this at 79 and I might have a chance). None of this is natural talent, I've had to work for all of it. People always look at me and say - oh, well, you're a runner. I s'pose because I'm 5'9" and legs that go on for days. BUT, if you'd have seen me a few years ago, I'd run, but such a clod, you'd hear me coming before you saw me, that's for sure. Natural, NO, learned, YES, all of it. I'm not sure if that's it or what - the inspiring part, I mean. Maybe to know that you CAN learn all this stuff, you CAN go from a 5K to a marathon with training and time, that you CAN go from a 5K to an Ironman with more training and time. I'm not competitive except with myself. I'm not fast enough to be truly competitive. I always want to do better than before and give it the best I've got. To date, I've never had a DNF (thankfully) and I've finished everything I've started.

In workout news...
16,000 Meters, hells yes! Got in 16K last week on the swim action. Woohoo. It's a different and interesting ride than anything I've embarked upon before. When you ride or run, you often have people with you for the duration. While my Excel peeps are the best on the planet and we laugh our arses off, you still spend a majority of the time underwater, not talking, not laughing...unless it's at the guy next to you so you can make faces at him underwater - I am ALWAYS looking for a laugh. Since the majority of them are swimming as part of their yearly tri plan, I feel like I'm missing out on the action, the training time, the post training "let's go have a beer" time. It's exciting and weird all at the same time. I DO feel like I'm missing out but I also KNOW that I couldn't pull it together for another IM this year. Besides the swimming, I got in two baby runs and one asskickinghilly bike ride. I think the boys only had to really WAIT on me twice. Why is it that I tell them I know the way, they still insist on waiting? Love them! Friends are good!

Friday, April 3, 2009

How to cure a hangover...

First of all, thanks for all the well wishes for the big 10! We went out, ate a PHat ass dinner but NOT before I had two glasses of wine. No problem. Eat a big meal, talked, laughed, watched the rain come down outside, ordered a real martini...that's a gin martini up with olives in case you're wondering. None of this sugary, fancy schmancy BS. Came home and thought that having another glass of wine was a good idea....until I woke up at 2, 4, 5, 6 and finally up at 7:00. OUCH, my head feels like someone put an ax in it and cat shit in my mouth (we don't even have cats). Anywho, I did not wallow in my pussydome (that's for Chloe), got up, coffee, Nuun (because you need to replace your electrolytes at this point), cereal and packed a swim bag...5K swim was going to be a tall order. I could shorten it if I needed to, right? BIG FAT WRRRONG. Got to the pool with my fancy little 5K workout in a ziploc baggie and get stopped by my coach, superstar Ashley Whitney. She says - I'm so glad you're here, I'm going to swim with you. Oh holy hell, are you kidding me? I had all kinds of plans of shortening this bitch up. My head is exploding and she can swim circles around me. My response - oh, OK, great, yah, that'll be great. Into the water and here was the 5K for today (in meters):

4x100 swim
3x100 swim
2x100 swim
1x100 swim
1x500 - long strokes, easy pace
1x500 - 4x125 - 50 kick, 50 drill, 25 swim - yes 125M, you stop in the middle of the pool and the lifeguards look at you like you're dying
1x500 - paddles only - no buoy, no kicking, drag your sorry arse legs behind you; hardest thing evah!
1x400 swim - long strokes, easy pace
2x100 swim descend
2x50 fast
1x800 - pull long smooth strokes WITH A BUOY thank gawd
4x100 pull descend - I was crying like a little girl at this point. My arms were on fir-AH!!!
4x50 pull fast
400 easy warm down

By the end, I had sea legs and could hardly lift my arms to wash my hair. I was totally cashed.

That is ONE way to help with a hang over. The other is....
These are THEE FAMOUS Danger Bob Cocktails, in honor of our good friend, Robert. They are the most delicioso on the planet. Suffice it to say, top shelf tequila, cointreau, grand marnier, some oj and fresh lime juice will get a girl RIGHT. It's amazing what MORE alcohol can do for a hangover:)...oh yeah, and a kick ass swim too. I had grand plans of running today, um, no. Maybe tomorrow...after my bike ride.

In other news...
Did you know that my dogs have better health care than most people of the world? Sad but true. Today was yearly shot day. Add in some old dayum dawgs and you're not walking for less than $350 and three bottles of new drugs. WHHHHATT? What are you gonna do? You just take out the credit card and figure it out later. You can't just say NO to these two, bless it. For the love of a dog.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

We're a team!

Weather has been sketchy here for riding so there has been zero in about a week. I just can't bring myself to get on that effen trainer. Borrring. Swimming - yep, getting my swim on - shocker. I'm 8300 yards in to my 16,000 meter target for this week - you do the math all you Canadians. Me arms is sore like my legs used to be sore after a hard run. Guess I wasn't using enough 'arm' in my swim and too much 'leg.' I keep walking around the house flexing like some total chode asking Ryan - do my arms look bigger? Aren't I huge? He laughs at me, yah, yah, yah, you're huge. BUT yesterday, he started poking around at my arms and lats - you know what, you ARE getting bigger, here and here. I said - no shit, that's what I've been telling you, I'm getting huge!!! My skin feels tight, it's weird. One baby run in for the week - I got two more to cram in somewhere.

Ten years ago today, I was on the beach in Grand Caymen. Toes in the sand, drinking a cocktail with an umbrella in it, snorkeling and hanging out with my family. It was at that moment, everything changed...I had a hair appointment in the hotel salon. Crap, I gotta go guys, see ya later. Got my hairs did, pulled out a wrinkled mass of a store bought $150 dress, used the nasty hotel iron to work it out, slapped on some birkenstocks and thought that getting married that day seemed like a good idea. On Her Majestys (Secret) Service, I pronounce you man and wife - kiss this crazy biatch if you dare. OK, he didn't say the last part but it we were married by the Church of England on Grand Caymen. Time flies, that's all I know.

Here are my big lessons to share in my 10 years of marriage...

It's a marriage, not a wedding - skip it and save your money. I really don't want to eat your crappy buffet chicken anyways.

You're a team now. Nothing better than having that one person who is always on your team no matter what. Never, ever, never cut them down or slam them in front of other people - that's your TEAM.

Like and love are two different things - I'm so glad that we still like each other.

Laugh and I mean laugh a lot. There isn't a day that doesn't go by that we don't make each other laugh...I mean knee slappin, snort havin, belly achin laugh. C'mon, if he didn't have a spectacular sense of humor, do you think he could be married to my goofy arse? Side note: We argue regularly on who is funnier. He says he's funnier than me...I said that I have 50 people that say otherwise:) He is responsible for Wordless Wednesday - got to give him credit for finding the best shiz around.

Men are simple, not shallow, but simple...I mean that in the nicest kinda way. But YOU are simple - feed, water (read: beer/tequila), sex and their sport of choice. Really, that's about it. Women like to make it so much more complicated but it truly boils down to those four things. I mean, yeah, they like to be needed and want to fix stuff all the time but if they've got those four things, they're pretty happy guys.

Choose your battles very carefully or it will become your job - don't criticize the way he mows the lawn or that is now YOUR job. Just say really doesn't matter. People that argue about the lawn or the way you squeeze a toothpaste tube have never had anything bad happen in their lives. If that's what you have to argue about, check yourself. Talk to someone who has had to wipe their parents arse or has a horrific disease, c'mon people, the lawn or the fact that they're always 10 minutes late to everything? These are NOT things to argue about - adapt!!!

And that's what I know ... cheers to my little family! This is our family portrait...believe it. Our dearest friend and professional photographer captured this little gem. While we got some true family pictures, she captured this. I love it, framed huge in the house. I think it captures us pretty well. Plug, plug, plug - - if you have any big events coming up, weddings or otherwise, she's the best in town! I'm a little biased but her shiz is crazy good. She was my professional Ironman photographer too.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

(Semi) Wordless Wednesday

The Excel Triathlete Site has been updated with my great words of swimming wisdom from my team 'interview.' Sorry, jumped the gun yesterday!

IronMissy - it's official!

IronMissy - it's official!
A vision in green!