Sunday, March 29, 2009

How to go Bikini Shopping?

Now, don't get terribly excited, there are no photos to share. After the overwhelming support, encouragement and perversion, the bikini for South Beach got the nod...for post 5K swim activities, of course. When you don't want to do something, anything, a little liquid courage helps. We had a few beers (excellent for the bloat) before we headed to Target - we wanted cheap AND huge selection. After pounding said beers, we walk into the bathing suit section. UGH, too much, overload, sensory overload + a buzz. I pull no less than six bathing suits. I'm not a big girl. I don't know WHO, other than a sticklet, can wear this shiz or a junior high girl that has not developed hips yet but ARE YOU KIDDING ME? First, I didn't wear the right underwear for trying on bathing suits - that and some black socks + honkey whiteness were super HAWT. Anyway, the arse on these things...all of them...were the size of a postage stamp. I mean, I want cleavage in the front, not the back. There were cheeks and cracks everywhere. After about no less than six suits, I settled on one. It wasn't going to be good but it would do. I swear, I'm looking around the Target wondering - how the hell is the rest of this population going to fit into these suits? Seriously!? We hit Kohl's on the way back...after pounding another beer, for good measure. Not a huge selection but a selection made for, ahem, something other than a size zero sticklet junior high girl. I don't have a lot of junk but I really don't need to share crack with the world...crack kills, ya know. Grabbed a few more and found one that was less embarrassing than the last - only to find that I grabbed a large not a medium bottom. The shiz will probably sag like a mofo in water but this thing may only see the sand. So there it is. Bit the bullet. After a celebratory beer, went home and watched the MSU game...until I fell asleep 20 minutes after it started.

Recap - how to go bikini shopping...
Take a friend who is as anxious about it as you are. (This is us the day after Ironman at a bar...I think you can still see the pain in our faces. We had that same look bikini shopping. AND I don't think we've taken off our Ironman visors since.)
Cocktails before and after - helps to ease the pain.
Upsize, get over the mental block and upsize - at least your crack won't show AND it won't cut into the backfat as badly. Pretty picture.

In workout news...
It was a recovery week and I am a huge fan. I've got one more swim to go that will put me in the 12-14,000 meter range for the week. Woohoo. Ever have a breakthrough moment - where something isn't as hard as it used to be? You're running or riding along and what was killer hard just dropped on the scale of difficulty? That was me and pulling with paddles - MAJOR suckitude. I could get lapped on a 300, no joke. One sprained ankle, causing me to pull for full workout sets, seems to have corrected that problem. The boyz were tired on Friday morning (all that Ironman training catching up) so coach Dee whispers in my ear - let's play a game - SHEIT, Dee is a machine with paddles.

This is a picture of Coach Dee (left), yep, that's Bob Roll, and me a few years back. He doesn't seem too upset. BTW, the dude is still shredded, holy crap. If you can tell a guy is shredded with jeans on, yep, that's him.
OK, what? Don't let me catch you...she says. OK. The boyz drop back because they're dead and I take off for a 200 (set was 4 x 200M). I'm bobbing my head underwater and I can see those dayum yellow paddles on my heels, felt them once too. SHEEEIIIIT, pull, pull. We came in at the end together and I was thrilled. Can't beat that with a stick. All I can say, whatever you suck at, do it more - riding hills, pulling with paddles - you'll get better...and I mean do it a lot more, even if you have to give up something else. It'll pay dividends. Seems simple enough, but we don't do it. Why don't we do it, because I suck at it, why do we suck at it, because we don't do it enough to improve.

18 comments:

Diana said...

Missy, I can ALWAYS count on your post for a big ass laugh. Almost brought up my oatmeal!
"crack kills"..........classic!

Carolina John said...

glad you found something that will work. bikini, i mean. the pulling seems to have already done it's job. nice!

Nikemom said...

Sounds like you went on a Bikini Poker Run! LMAO

I love your last comment - whatever you suck at, do it more. AMEN sista!!!!

kristen said...

I was just in Target yesterday. Poked around in the bathings suits. Cute but no f'n way. Those are for high school girls for sho.

Kohls would be a little more my speed too - glad you found something.

That's awesome about the paddles. I have actually never used them before. (I really need to start incoroporating more things into my swim.) Great advice about doing things more that you suck at...but I wouldn't know where to start becasue I'm just so damn phenomenal at everthing ;)

thanks for the laugh

kristen said...

p.s. I'll wait to see the bikini pictures when your actually wearing it on the beach....and probably having more liquid courage

Jo Lynn said...

Honestly, Target has the CUTEST bathing suits. I'm happy you decided to buy one. No doubt it looks awesome on you. ;)

Shannon said...

Blog line of the week: "I mean, I want cleavage in the front, not the back. There were cheeks and cracks everywhere..."

he he LOL...maybe I should start a blog line of the week on my page...alas...you would be on the blog every week fo sho....

IronBob (swimming upstream at IMAZ 08) said...

You been using a little bleach on that IM hat? Kind of faded, or maybe like mine, permanent fixture on the head will do it too.

I suck at biking, but not this year...

Carly said...

LMAO! I have seen said bikinis and I don't think they would cover a 10 year old let alone an adult woman.

You have the same approach to bikini shopping as I do with jeans.

AKA Alice said...

My daughter has a Target bikini

She's 13....

'nuf said.

I'll be laughing at "crack kills" for the rest of the week.

I love drunk b-suit shopping...LMAO. I'll have to try that.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

All I can say, whatever you suck at, do it more

So by THAT logic, you should wear more bikinis that show more crack, because you'll only get better at it!

Your words, Iron Oxide Missy! Gonna eat 'em ... or stand by them?

LET'S SEE SOME CRACK!1!!

Chloe said...

Nothing beats buzzed shopping!! That was the best move ever to go bikini shipping.

Take that paddles!! Show them who's boss.

joyRuN said...

Yeah - I ran right by the swimsuit selection at Target yesterday - so not ready for that!

Wes said...

I tell Dee Dee I'll go buy her a bathing suit if she'll wear it :-)

Dave said...

I know when I go bikini shopping I have got to get really really drunk.
;-)

Amy said...

I take it you went to MSU? I did too! Go Spartans!!!!!

Hilarious recap of the bathing suit shopping. I have to go this week and am NOT looking forward to it. Perhaps I'll have some beers first!

Runner Leana said...

I love how you needed beers to shop for bikinis. That's the way to do it! I hate bikini shopping... My problem is that you are covered if you are an A cup or a D cup...but in between? Nada. Those tops made for A cups make my B/C cup girlies sag like nobody's business. Boo.. :(

Eileen Swanson said...

Hi, cool blog! You are hilarious! Good job on the pulling ;-)

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