Monday, March 16, 2009

Adventures at Walmart and some other shiz

My heart was beating fast, I was feeling very anxious. I knew I had to calm myself down for this adventure. I kept looking towards the front, still having to talk myself through it in my head - how am I going to tackle this thing, how am I going to work my way through the crowd? No, I'm not talking about a Shamrock 5K or the Tom King half marathon...I'm talking about a trip to Walmart... my most HATED locale on the planet. I don't want to shop there. I'd rather pay the Publix tax and be on my way. BUT, my money diet said this is the right thing to do. What's even worse, I shopped with coupons! Holy crap, talk about a total pain in the ass. Shifting and sorting through what I needed, what I didn't need and what was about to expire. I truly had to talk to myself through this whole experience. Is there any cluster like a Walmart at 3:00pm on a Saturday afternoon? Apparently, this is what some people do for sheer entertainment or to kill time. I had things to do but knew that this was going to be a slow road. I tried to keep my head down because looking up was just going to make me angry. I didn't have to look too far to find the woman, the HUGE woman on the scooter - who certainly parked in handicapped parking because I'm sure she has bad knees, ya know? No shit! I'd have bad knees if I was carting around 300 extra pounds. Then, her poor young son buying his Lucky Charms and Hoho's with some Mountain Dew for good measure. Bless it. I crept slowly with my cart, just not wanting to get hit. No luck, not moving at my normal blazing - let's get the hell out of here kind of pace - I came to the end of the aisle and CRASH. Not even a sorry, just a dirty look like - what the hell was I doing there? ....and that was from the stellar Walmart staff. This wasn't the worst experience at the Walmart - I did see an escapee from the local nursing home still in her gown, a walker and her piss bag hanging out the front once - so in the big scheme, not terrible. I don't like supporting the Walmart but when my bacon is $2 less a package, I've got to go there....bacon is the best part of the pig, but I digress.

In workout news...

Swim - believe it 12,000 yards and feeling good. I actually look forward to going to the pool, gasp. It is a total pain in the ass because you have to drive there, drive home, lots of travel going on for that one.

Cycling - I graduated from our cycling class of 10 weeks. I did learn some new stuff, jump started my riding for the year and reinforced something I already knew...I'm not an explosive kind of rider. Show me a long course/sustained effort and I'm totally in, show me some hills and I wither like a tulip in March. So....decided that hill work was in order on Sunday...right before swim. WTF was I thinking? I haven't workout this hard and for this damn long in a year. Angie was still sleeping when we arrived (in her defense, she had to work late last nite and then we pull out onto the hills of hell). Needless to say, the ride was just what we needed to kick are arses in gear.


This was Ryan's reaction (huh?) when I said - hey, thanks for cleaning all the worm guts off my bike this afternoon. That's really nice of you to offer...yeah, worm guts in the gears and everything. It's the worst I've ever seen. ...and yes, for all you bike geeks out there, I run Campy components on my road and TT bike. They rock it!


Running - still pathetic and it's my own fault. That two times/week isn't going to get me anywhere. Guess I just have other priorities right now.

PT - Graduated from that too - Dr. PTIhaveangelsflyingoutmybutt said - there's not really anything else I can do for you other than what you can do on your own. Really, what about this pain here and twinge there? It was a sad day. Good bye nice office people have fun with your 800lber who just had knee replacement and your workman's comp case that will end on day 29...that would be the day before benefits end and there's a miracle...no more pain. Ah, oh well, can't draw it out any longer. We all must break up sometime.

20 comments:

Shannon said...

I know I'm a fitness trainer and I would never actually say this to your face because I'm nice like that and I want you to come back the next time but this really grinds my gears.....

"the HUGE woman on the scooter - who certainly parked in handicapped parking because I'm sure she has bad knees, ya know? No shit! I'd have bad knees if I was carting around 300 extra pounds. Then, her poor young son buying his Lucky Charms and Hoho's with some Mountain Dew for good measure."

Spot on sista!

TRI-james said...

Wal-mart - I try to go only once a month - but Saturday at 3PM - come on! You were asking for screaming kids and vomit.

Here in Mississippi you must go on Sunday at 7AM. Church and early morning weekend - the store is empty.

joyRuN said...

Wal-mart = shudder. The ONE time I stepped into our local atrocity was when I had to redeem a gift card. Haven't been back since.

Huge peeps with knee problems - yeah - that's 90% of my f*cking patient population. They f*cked up their knees & their hearts, so HELLLOOOO open heart surgery. Getting them out of bed day after surgery are costing me my back.

Carlee said...

Missy, thanks for the advice. I'm not really planning on jumping from 10-15 though. Last weekend was 14 miler, this weekend was 15. My plan has me come down in mileage every 3rd week, so it has me doing 10-11 this upcoming weekend then going back to where i came from this weekend. I know I'm being confusing, but thanks for the comment.

p.s. glad you have graduated from PT. keep taking care of yourself!

Chloe said...

Congrats for passing PT! That is awesome! I'm sure Dr. Ihaveanglesflyingoutofmyass is going to miss you. You are so much more entertaining then the weak ass workers comp people.

Ugh. Walmart stresses me out. The closest one to me is in Panama City Beach - so I'm usually paying the Publix tax. But when I do go it's like 6am. That is so the time to people watch.

Diana said...

The "Walmart" stories are the same NO matter where we all live that IS for sure-almost choked on my oatmeal reading this one-thanks! I need a laugh early in the morning!
Nice on the swimming.
I got tons of muddy, wormy things on my gears this week! Love it, love being outside on the bike instead of the trainer!

IronBob (swimming upstream at IMAZ 08) said...

I love it !!! My wife hates to go to Walmart because she thinks she will see all her relatives. I keep telling her, their back in south Nashville and Franklin, so CHILL.
Too funny.

Marcy said...

I'm glad I'm not the only person who gets really wacky before heading out to WM. Seriously I need a good hr to mentally prepare myself for the absolute shiznit that is going to annoy and frustrate the hells outta me.

Big Daddy Diesel said...

EECK, Walmart!!! You are a brave one!!!

kristen said...

Is saving a few bucks really worth that shit-hole? We used to buy bullets there (actually, I would make the hubby go in while I sat in the truck cursing the nasty ass walmart shoppers in the parking lot). That only lasted about two trips. Now I tease him, if he pisses me off I'll make him to go wal-mar on welfare check day.

P.S I LOVE Publix. I would kill for one up here. Boars Head Publix deli sandwiches.....Lucky biatch. I can't belive you shop at wal-mart. What a waste of a Publix. I thought you lived in Tennessee? I didn't know they had them there.

Dave said...

yep. The Walmart thing is a beating! Go at 11:00PM sometime on a school night to see real dysfunction. 7 year old kids running around barefoot with school the next day.

Next, i am about to blame you for wanting to get a bike and get into tri's...

Wes said...

I have the choice of Walmart or Publix too, and more often than not, I drive past Walmart to spend more money at Publix. *le sigh* Now, if I could get a rocket boosted cart, that might convince to me to go to Walmart more often...

Great job on the swimming and biking! I may actually get to bike/run outside soon :-) (I've only ridden once, on a trainer, this year).

JP said...

Mis, the only thing missing at your Wal-Mart is a family of meth heads shopping with their kids at 2 AM. ..........oh that must have been in KY.

Carly said...

I HATE Wally World. The Walmart by our house was really bad (but awesome people watching). It closed and now their shoppers are flooding my Target. the nerve! I think I saw the woman in the scooter. Ha!

Keith said...

Fair warning here. You pushed one of my buttons. My Walmart button. I hate them. I despise their business model. Call me an elitist, but the people I see going in there are nobody I want to be around. At all. Even for times measured in seconds. I am afraid that something they have will infect me. You only think I'm kidding.

So. I don't shop at Walmart. I don't care how much cheaper it is. Say it after me. Read my lips. I don't care how much cheaper it is.

So if you don't like Walmart, but shop there anyway, you are part of the problem. Sorry. The value of the$ is only part of the equation. The other parts are time (yours), and the quality of the product. Personally, I put a high value on avoiding the ick factor.

rant over. Thank you for your attention. I don't even know what a Publix is. Don't have them up here.

Otherwise, great workout stuff!

Jo Lynn said...

I went to Walmart for stocking stuffer type stuff for my fellow workers during the holiday season. I don't think I will rush back. Although, the cereal prices can't be beat. But no, I think I'd rather go to Target.
Riding a bike up hills HURTS SO BAD. I'd rather run up them, that's bad enough.

Carolina John said...

you don't actually save money at wal-mart. i used to work for a manufacturer that sold to them, and the manufacturers are not going to lose their margins because wal-mart wants a lower price. so the bacon you buy there for $2 less a package is what was swept off of the floor after packaging the bacon for publix. look next time, the cereal boxes are a few oz less than in publix.

I actually heard my former employer (a textile plant, we made bedspreads) call pakistan for a cloth order, and specifically get cheaper fabric that we knew would bleed and fall apart in a few months. wal-mart didn't care, as long as they could sell it for $10 each less than sears.

their business model hurts everybody and i won't shop there. it is fun to take the wal-mart bingo card and make fun of the other people, though.

Melanie said...

walmart... i had to make a quick run there saturday night. always an experience!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Hahahahahahaha! The best part is, if you saw these Mall-Wart foax on a reality show, you'd be hooked! You wouldn't be able to miss an episode. You may be Iron, Missy, but even you are not that Iron.

Possible title for that hypothetical Reality Show: "The Bacon Is The Best Part Of Teh Mall-Wart Customer".

Dr. PTIhaveangelsflyingoutmybutt

The @$$-Angels are the best part of the butt¹.

___
¹Here's a totally gratuitous footnote for you.

Jen said...

I only go to the 24 hour Wal Mart here in the wee early morning hours. I hate to say it, but most people who frequent Wal Mart are not up that early. They just went to bed a few hours prior, I am sure.
This was very funny!!

IronMissy - it's official!

IronMissy - it's official!
A vision in green!