Tuesday, March 31, 2009

It's 4:30am BIATCH!

...and you people know who you are too. All my IM peeps that are training their hearts out and look like they are about to pee on themselves, cry or could have a wicked leg cramp at any moment.

GET UP People, the day is starting...or maybe this is the middle of the nite, not totally sure. The scary part is the only other one I know that's up is Glaven. Who knows what the big perv is doing at 4:30, other than blogging or riding the pu$$y recumbent bike in the Glaven Gear!? Well, he's, apparently, kicking my arse at running these days, that's what he's doing. Pffft...I'm off to swim. Not sure what awaits me but I'm sure it'll be painful...always is. This week, going for ~16,000 meters, makes my Olive Oil like arms just tired thinking about it.

My coach, Ashley Whitney (Gold Medal superstar and Open Water Swim guru), asked me to be the swimmer of the month on our team website. She must be hurtin' for topics...or knows how long winded I am and figured I could fill and empty day in blog world. If you'd like to see our 'interview,' check it out at Exceltriathletes.com - if it's not up now, it'll be up in a day or so. Yes, I am just as ridiculous in real life and at swim practice. Who else is going to goose you when you go by? Mmmm? Yep, I'm the mad gooser...cute buns and you're a target! Watch out! There actually is good information and great workouts on the site as well. So if you're looking for something different, try a workout or two.

I can NOT believe I got zero comments on Bobke Roll...jeeze people. We lerve Bob Roll! That guy is like a stand up comedian for cyclists, no freakin joke. I'd love to hang with that guy for a cocktail or ten.

In wicked ridonkulous news....

A friend (who shall remain nameless) sent me a text today. I'm reading it and I started to blush because I'm wondering "what kind of epic nite" I had last nite that I was not aware of (and Ryan was out of town) that he, apparently, thoroughly enjoyed. Yep, sent the message to the wrong person! Poor guy apologized until I told him to just stop because who really doesn't want some soft core porn in the middle of a meeting? Why do I look at the shiz people send me on my booberry in the middle of a freakin meeting? It was important too but after I snorted in the middle, they looked at me like I was going to share what was so dayum funny. This one, I'm keeping to myself guys and deleting it. It wasn't intended for me but I'm glad that someone had an epic nite! I was sawing logs with two Boxers that joined in the musical with their own snoring. Yeah, epic nite...because we know how to parrrty.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

How to go Bikini Shopping?

Now, don't get terribly excited, there are no photos to share. After the overwhelming support, encouragement and perversion, the bikini for South Beach got the nod...for post 5K swim activities, of course. When you don't want to do something, anything, a little liquid courage helps. We had a few beers (excellent for the bloat) before we headed to Target - we wanted cheap AND huge selection. After pounding said beers, we walk into the bathing suit section. UGH, too much, overload, sensory overload + a buzz. I pull no less than six bathing suits. I'm not a big girl. I don't know WHO, other than a sticklet, can wear this shiz or a junior high girl that has not developed hips yet but ARE YOU KIDDING ME? First, I didn't wear the right underwear for trying on bathing suits - that and some black socks + honkey whiteness were super HAWT. Anyway, the arse on these things...all of them...were the size of a postage stamp. I mean, I want cleavage in the front, not the back. There were cheeks and cracks everywhere. After about no less than six suits, I settled on one. It wasn't going to be good but it would do. I swear, I'm looking around the Target wondering - how the hell is the rest of this population going to fit into these suits? Seriously!? We hit Kohl's on the way back...after pounding another beer, for good measure. Not a huge selection but a selection made for, ahem, something other than a size zero sticklet junior high girl. I don't have a lot of junk but I really don't need to share crack with the world...crack kills, ya know. Grabbed a few more and found one that was less embarrassing than the last - only to find that I grabbed a large not a medium bottom. The shiz will probably sag like a mofo in water but this thing may only see the sand. So there it is. Bit the bullet. After a celebratory beer, went home and watched the MSU game...until I fell asleep 20 minutes after it started.

Recap - how to go bikini shopping...
Take a friend who is as anxious about it as you are. (This is us the day after Ironman at a bar...I think you can still see the pain in our faces. We had that same look bikini shopping. AND I don't think we've taken off our Ironman visors since.)
Cocktails before and after - helps to ease the pain.
Upsize, get over the mental block and upsize - at least your crack won't show AND it won't cut into the backfat as badly. Pretty picture.

In workout news...
It was a recovery week and I am a huge fan. I've got one more swim to go that will put me in the 12-14,000 meter range for the week. Woohoo. Ever have a breakthrough moment - where something isn't as hard as it used to be? You're running or riding along and what was killer hard just dropped on the scale of difficulty? That was me and pulling with paddles - MAJOR suckitude. I could get lapped on a 300, no joke. One sprained ankle, causing me to pull for full workout sets, seems to have corrected that problem. The boyz were tired on Friday morning (all that Ironman training catching up) so coach Dee whispers in my ear - let's play a game - SHEIT, Dee is a machine with paddles.

This is a picture of Coach Dee (left), yep, that's Bob Roll, and me a few years back. He doesn't seem too upset. BTW, the dude is still shredded, holy crap. If you can tell a guy is shredded with jeans on, yep, that's him.
OK, what? Don't let me catch you...she says. OK. The boyz drop back because they're dead and I take off for a 200 (set was 4 x 200M). I'm bobbing my head underwater and I can see those dayum yellow paddles on my heels, felt them once too. SHEEEIIIIT, pull, pull. We came in at the end together and I was thrilled. Can't beat that with a stick. All I can say, whatever you suck at, do it more - riding hills, pulling with paddles - you'll get better...and I mean do it a lot more, even if you have to give up something else. It'll pay dividends. Seems simple enough, but we don't do it. Why don't we do it, because I suck at it, why do we suck at it, because we don't do it enough to improve.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

This 24 Hour 'Thing' ..er Tri

HUGE shout out to my friend, Shelly, on the right (Ironman Louisville 2009) who saved my arse at swim Wednesday nite. Ever show up without a towel? This is problematic. Those stupid ass 'paper towels' that are actually more like newspaper aren't going to dry my bits at ALL. Shelly had an extra towel in her car...didn't even have to beg someone for the sloppy second use of their towel. You DO get over that shiz in a hurry, borrowed bathing suits, towels, sports bras...whatever has been forgotten and not a workout to be missed for something as silly as that. THANKS Shelly!

My friend and coach (triswami) did this 24 Hour Triathlon last year as a team. When looking for the next big challenge, I wanted to come up with something new. This year being a 'lean one'...and I mean money not me because we ALL know that fat floats...I'm embarking on some longerish distance open water swims. A 5K coming up and a 4.5 miler in June. That leaves a huge hole for 2010. As everyone knows, you better have your Ironman plan in place a year ahead of time or you're not getting into the race. I'm actually afraid to do another Ironman...I just don't know if I can a) top it b) improve or c) capture THAT feeling again. Sooo, when I heard about this 24 Hour thing, I started asking questions. Quite frankly, the part that sold me, you get to sleep with your bike in transition. Seriously, I've been looking for that excuse for years. Anyway, you can do this thing as part of a team or solo event. For some totally unknown reason, I think that solo would be crazy good. People have been posting, commenting and asking questions on how to train for such a thing...

I HAVE NO DAYUM IDEA! I'm going to spend this year figuring that part out. You can't just look up a 24 Hour Tri Training plan on line. I suppose I need to start researching last years participants and figure out how to get a hold of them (cyber stalk them) and ask questions (and hope they don't ask me for payment). I know Dave - I just ran a 50 mile trail run bitches - likes to do some endurance training in the middle of the nite. Why not start a run at midnight and run until 5am? Crap, that's just kooky talk. I suppose there will be some of that with a combo on the run/bike ... run/bike until the pool opens at 5am, jump in and swim for a while or until you pass out, whichever comes first. I'm trying to convince others this is a good idea and we can set up camp in someone's garage with cots and crockpots of food...all part of training, my friends. That's the other thing - how do train to eat during something like that? I'm not eating effen gels for 24 hours, I can tell you that for certain right NOW. I'm gonna need a potato or something! I think there will be lots of workouts with longerish type breaks in between - train the body to go, go, go, quick rest, catnap or sleep, quick eat and then go again. This is NOT like anything I've done where it's - stop, get your water, pee and let's roll it on outta here. So there it is. Can't say I know what I'm getting into but it's all a journey. If I can horde enough vacation time this year, I'd love to go out and volunteer to get an idea of how it all goes down first hand.

Basically, it's a sprint that you keep on doing, over and over again. There are blackout times for the swim, no swimming at nite. Otherwise, wide open. You don't have to do the events in order, other than the first swim/bike/run (I believe). You have to go through one sprint and then it's swim, swim, swim, swim some more and swim THEN get moving on the bike/run part. It all boils down to strategy and if you planned your time properly...oh yeah and how hard can you actually work when you're falling asleep. I'm a total sleep whore too. At 24 hours, it's how many collective 'triathlons' you have finished. If you've done 12 swims, 14 bikes and only 11 runs - you only get credit for 11 'triathlons.' That's your final score. ...all of this is from reading their website. I'm sure there's a shitload more to it than that! Like, how and when do you sleep? What about support? Unlike a traditional event, I think you can have support. All questions to be answered. So, if anyone is up for a weekend workout of riding at 2am and then going for a run at, say, 4am and then jump in the pool at 5am, just holler....I don't actually believe I'll get any takers for that one. Just have to have Ryan track my ass with a GPS to make sure I didn't snuggle up in the shrubs somewhere for a nap!

Ever have to answer the question, "Why do you do this?" I said Ironman and he said - why? Well, first he said, holy shit, how long is that? Yep 140.6 miles. Why, he asked? I HATE that question because I never have a good answer. I'm not doing it for a cause or to raise awareness about anything...other than I'm a bad ass mofer bitches! Seriously, my answer to him, "Because I can, whyNOT?"

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

(Semi) Wordless Wednesday

Not everyone who shows up is there to help you!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

My IM 'Tattoo'

The great debate after Ironman...to get the tattoo? I've struggled with it and part of me wants it but I decided on a pendant + diamond + a chain to commemorate last years event. The picture isn't the greatest but I love it. It's very small and doesn't scream IRONMAN...it just whispers it a little bit. If you saw it, you may not know what it is. And only those that know will know and I'm AOK with that. This came in the mail today so I was all geeked out. AND THEN a new bathing suit and goggles arrived. Sorry, no pictures of that here. I'll be streaking through your neighborhood on a run in my new Speedo soon enough.

Monday was a day off and I was thankful for that. Errands, pulling weeds and the MOST HATED JOB IN THE HOUSE...picking up the yard, yep, picking up poop after two large dawgs. How do YOU know it's time to mow the lawn? How do YOU know when it's long or thick enough? Yeah, you go out to pick up the dayum yard and YOU CAN'T FIND A TURD. They've all fallen or are buried in the grass. I'm such a slack ass that I didn't bother to mow. I just picked up the two turds I could find and called that a chore well done. I know there is NO freakin way there's only two turds out there...my dogs shit more than Diana and her cranky gall bladder (which is, thankfully, all fixed now).

Tuesday - some 5:00am swimming or more like 5:15 because I just can't seem to get there quite on time. Maybe a ride and some running in the afternoon, we'll see what the weather holds...I hear it might be perfect to mow the lawn BARF! That's not fun.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Fair Weather Friend!

Fair weather friend...wow, yep, apparently, that's me. Can't help it - it was ~70ish all weekend here and we all know what that means...riding, running and having a beer on the deck. Throw in a swim for good measure and I'm perfectly exhausted.

Week in review - four swims (~12,000 meters), two rides that weren't blazing fast but got me some good, hilly leg work and three, count em, three runs. I'm on a roll now, baby! Ever have those times where you're just not feeling it? I had one of those swims on Saturday. I couldn't hit an interval to save my life. After beating myself up over it, I decided to still do the workout but not worry about my intervals. I think when you get over that mental part, sometimes, everything comes together. ...there wasn't even a little girl to point out my locker room indiscretions this time. Spring break around these parts.

Race news - a few have signed up for IM St. George. After thinking about it for ~30 seconds, I decided to forge on with my 24 Hour Triathlon plan for next year. Ryan rolled his eyes but didn't say that's the dumbEST thing I've ever heard - or anything like that. Sounds like I'm in;) I've also found another Open Water Swim in June that's local. A 4.5ish mile swim...downstream. HELL-O, downstream, yep, sounds good to me.
Let's hear it for Michigan State! Woot, woot! I've watched an entire five minutes of basketball - not a huge basketball fan but I love me Spartans! We were always in the shadows of those dayum Wolverines.

Hope it was nice were you were this weekend. There was just no sense in being inside ... or on a computer. These are the days you wish for when it's 95 and 95% humidity.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Is it 1984 or what?

I know I need a dayum style intervention on a good day. I look like I dress out of a duffel bag - Ryan calls me a duffel bag - it's because I mostly DO live out of a duffel bag. Oh hell, I so don't even care...maybe a tiny bit. BUT when I see something at Ann Taylor (or whatever), it's like, what else could I do with this $100? Then I buy some compression sox and sports bra instead. So, I dress like a duffel bag BUT here...I caught sight of myself before I walked out the door and I scared ME. I like compression sox for those days when it's a little cool and I need to protect my shins. My shoes are Filas and shiny green, throw in some 10 year old running shorts and a race shirt from a year ago and you got 1984!!! All that's missing is some big hair by me.

I DID go out and run like this and I'm certain the teenage boys driving by on their way home from school said - WTF was that?!? I never said I was cool. I got in four miles, count em, four - longest run since theincidentthatweshallnotspeakofhere - miles. They weren't fast but they're in the books baby. I'm breaking that two a week running streak, I can feel it. Two runs in the books, two swims, one bike - that leaves another run, another ride and two more swims. WTF am I training for again? Old habits die hard, guess I'm having Ironman sympathy pains for my friends.

Thanks for all that said they would vote for me for the Mule Day Queen. I think I'm about 20 years too late. Maybe we'll have an Ass King and Queen contest of our very own!

Randomness... Ever see or know someone who seriously looks like they're on the verge of crying or killing themselves ALL the time? I never know what to say to this person - if it's wrong they're bawling, if it's right, I might be their new best friend. And I don't need no psychocrazyforcocopuffs friend.

My oldest dog is really old, 12 year old Boxer. If she makes it through the year, I'd be surprised. It's hard watching them get old. You love them like crazy. She's just a slow movin these days and takes 30 minutes to take a crap. You can't be in a hurry to get anywhere these days OR you need to seriously plan ahead. At least SHE doesn't scoot across my floor and leave dingle berries!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

More tired or more hungry???

Um, I'm going with more tired. Sometimes, you just have to decide which it's going to be - sleep or food, I swear. As of Wednesday nite, ~7500 yards of swimmin, 25 hillierthanhell miles of nite riding and 3 baby miles of running with MORE running on tap for tomorrow. I'm gonna break my two a week running streak, I swear! I was dreading the ride on Tuesday nite - I'll post the profile sometime but suffice it to say, hilly, the whole way. You're either going 9mph or 35mph. Now, reminder, this is a nite ride with headlites. Descending can be touch and go and often scary. I've got a killer lite but those daym deer like to pop out every once in a while. Weirdest nite ride experience - having one in our group get hit by a bat in the chest. I immediately wanted to turn back, just creepy. But I digress...getting my shiz together, getting some honest climbing skills on my road bike that I desperately need and runnin. After Wednesday nite swim, my arms are feeling like two limp sausages. Not sure if I can lift them to wash my hair yet - speed set, all about going fast.

In Southern News....

Seeing a donkey, mule, whatever, not totally uncommon. Seeing a guy on his ATV walking his donkey, very UNCOMMON. I was driving down the interstate and looked over a side road that runs parallel. I see a guy on an ATV and I look back and I see a donkey tied to the back. Just a guy and his ass out for a walk. Only in TN, I swear! Coming to Columbia, TN in April...it's Mule Days. YES, they have a Mule Day Queen and if I weren't too daym old, I'd try to get that freakin crown. Oh, to be a Mule Day Queen.

P.S. Open registration for Ironman St. George is now open if anyone is interested. May 1, 2010 - plenty of time to train...you can do it and I can cheer for you!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Walmart Uprising and nasty dogs

I ran, yep, believe it...I gotta hit it three times this week (plus swimming four days and riding two to three). I ain't no daym slack ass slacker...this week! Ha. Three miles down Monday in 25ishsomethingerotherminutes and happy as a clam. Sometimes, when I have a bad headache, a good smash run helps to knock it out, for at least a minute or two. Off to swim at 5:00am for ~4,000 yards and a hillier than hell ride in the p.m. Who else loves daylight savings, sheesh!?

OK, I love, love, love my dogs. They've got more personality than some people I know. Magnus is a total beta dog - he doesn't give a crap about anything OTHER THAN where you are (loves you more if you're salty). He just wants to be with near you, loves kids, babies, old people, every color people, every language speaking people, just a happy guy that defers to the Queen of the House (Kasha), the alpha in this pack of two. ANYWAY, he's looking at me while I'm blogging and I watch him scoot his ass across the carpet. OK, everyone has an itchy butt once in a while but this nasty ass dog left a skid mark. Yep, turned around to investigate his new work of art on my carpet and was one step away from licking it, I'm sure. They both think rabbit turds are freakin filet mignon so I'm certain he was about to have a sample. For the love of a dog, I swear! (Don't worry, this is a picture from a run when Magnus and I found a lucky dollar...he didn't just get done eating a turd and then lick my face..this time.)

I had no idea that I had the ability to incite a riot with one word...Walmart. AHHHH!!! OK, seriously, would anyone other than some gigantic redneck shop there unless they had to, really? NO, did I enjoy my trip there, NO and except for really great stories, I don't know what else I gained. Oh yeah, money. Do you think I like to contribute to the gross national product of China by shopping at Walmart? NO. Do you think I would by from a local all organic farmer if I could? YES. Guess what, I'm a filet mignon girl living in a chuck roast kind of world right now. Have you seen my pissy race schedule? Probably not because other than the daym 5K swim I'M NOT DOING MUCH ELSE. Whilst I might drivel about useless shit frequently, I'll say this - I actually am an engineer, yep, believe it. I can do math and everything. I'm actually an engineer that has some semblance of social skills (if you like raunchy humor and still think a fart joke is freakin hilarious). I work in the automotive industry. Another topper for ya, I'm also a small business owner. Combine all that and what do you get - a smaller than I'd like to be budget. Believe me, it is with pain in my heart that I had to and will go back to Wallyworld. I actually only buy that which is of the same value = price + coupons vs. quantity. I don't have any delusions that I'm getting some great quality anything there. When all of this is over and I (hopefully) still have a pot to pee in, I will NOT be shopping at Wallyworld and back to my beloved Publix where the people are nice and I don't feel all dirty when I leave.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Adventures at Walmart and some other shiz

My heart was beating fast, I was feeling very anxious. I knew I had to calm myself down for this adventure. I kept looking towards the front, still having to talk myself through it in my head - how am I going to tackle this thing, how am I going to work my way through the crowd? No, I'm not talking about a Shamrock 5K or the Tom King half marathon...I'm talking about a trip to Walmart... my most HATED locale on the planet. I don't want to shop there. I'd rather pay the Publix tax and be on my way. BUT, my money diet said this is the right thing to do. What's even worse, I shopped with coupons! Holy crap, talk about a total pain in the ass. Shifting and sorting through what I needed, what I didn't need and what was about to expire. I truly had to talk to myself through this whole experience. Is there any cluster like a Walmart at 3:00pm on a Saturday afternoon? Apparently, this is what some people do for sheer entertainment or to kill time. I had things to do but knew that this was going to be a slow road. I tried to keep my head down because looking up was just going to make me angry. I didn't have to look too far to find the woman, the HUGE woman on the scooter - who certainly parked in handicapped parking because I'm sure she has bad knees, ya know? No shit! I'd have bad knees if I was carting around 300 extra pounds. Then, her poor young son buying his Lucky Charms and Hoho's with some Mountain Dew for good measure. Bless it. I crept slowly with my cart, just not wanting to get hit. No luck, not moving at my normal blazing - let's get the hell out of here kind of pace - I came to the end of the aisle and CRASH. Not even a sorry, just a dirty look like - what the hell was I doing there? ....and that was from the stellar Walmart staff. This wasn't the worst experience at the Walmart - I did see an escapee from the local nursing home still in her gown, a walker and her piss bag hanging out the front once - so in the big scheme, not terrible. I don't like supporting the Walmart but when my bacon is $2 less a package, I've got to go there....bacon is the best part of the pig, but I digress.

In workout news...

Swim - believe it 12,000 yards and feeling good. I actually look forward to going to the pool, gasp. It is a total pain in the ass because you have to drive there, drive home, lots of travel going on for that one.

Cycling - I graduated from our cycling class of 10 weeks. I did learn some new stuff, jump started my riding for the year and reinforced something I already knew...I'm not an explosive kind of rider. Show me a long course/sustained effort and I'm totally in, show me some hills and I wither like a tulip in March. So....decided that hill work was in order on Sunday...right before swim. WTF was I thinking? I haven't workout this hard and for this damn long in a year. Angie was still sleeping when we arrived (in her defense, she had to work late last nite and then we pull out onto the hills of hell). Needless to say, the ride was just what we needed to kick are arses in gear.

This was Ryan's reaction (huh?) when I said - hey, thanks for cleaning all the worm guts off my bike this afternoon. That's really nice of you to offer...yeah, worm guts in the gears and everything. It's the worst I've ever seen. ...and yes, for all you bike geeks out there, I run Campy components on my road and TT bike. They rock it!

Running - still pathetic and it's my own fault. That two times/week isn't going to get me anywhere. Guess I just have other priorities right now.

PT - Graduated from that too - Dr. PTIhaveangelsflyingoutmybutt said - there's not really anything else I can do for you other than what you can do on your own. Really, what about this pain here and twinge there? It was a sad day. Good bye nice office people have fun with your 800lber who just had knee replacement and your workman's comp case that will end on day 29...that would be the day before benefits end and there's a miracle...no more pain. Ah, oh well, can't draw it out any longer. We all must break up sometime.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Friday starts the Weekend!

Work was crazy busy - sorry about the sporadic posting. That's all the apology you're getting out of me!

After I cap off the week on Sunday, I'll be at ~12,000 - not quite the same as last week but life got in the way this time around. No worries. I'm good with it. Friday morning at 5am (barf), I got to swim with the big boys in Lane 1. I was very happy with my graduation until I had the grand realization it was just to even out some of the lanes. Aw hell. Someday! I only got lapped twice on two of the longer sets. Those 'kids' do a 1:20-1:35ish/100 Meters for crying out loud against my measly 1:45/100M. Damn it all to hell. On the bright side - I had to work harder to keep up (read: not get lapped, no real chance of keeping up) and I got to watch them underwater for tips. Ever look at someone and it just looks like they're not even working hard and you're just trying your damndest to hang on?! It can be very frustrating OR you can learn something. I'm just trying to learn 'something.' At least it's not like a bike ride when you get dropped, you're lost for days....

Dude showed up to swim on Friday with a bathing suit so threadbare that I saw nizuts. An arse is one thing but ....? I did NOT sign up for that, old man, and don't need the full frontal of your sad and withered package but thanks for the offer. I've never seen him before in my life so telling him to buy a new suit was out of the question. Maybe next week.

Yeah, stellar bike riding is once/week in my training class. Feeling improvement but can't seem to get my arse on the trainer at home. Gee, wonder why...can you say BORING!?!

I can't seem to break the barrier of more than 2x/week. With swimming every moment (it seems), getting in just a little baby run seems like a huge challenge. How the hell did I train for Ironman....I ask this question of myself regularly. I already know the answer....I wasn't EVER home before 8:30pm unless to pick up a bike.


Said I wouldn't watch Biggest Loser any longer after the marathon deal...I lied. Sue me. BIG draaaama last week. Too many people cryin' on that show all the time, though. OH, and big daddy, that looks like he's been nursing puppies is totally running that show. Don't let that nice, soft smooth (yet hairy) exterior fool you.

Sam's Club - the upgrade from WalMart but not as bad as previous Sam's Club experiences, as you may have read - All checked out, walking to the door, show the lady my receipt and she says...

Good Job!

I look at her with a retarded look on my face, I'm sure.

Thanks, I said and walked out the door and busted out laughing.

I'm not sure what the Good Job was for...did I buy the right kind of foods (beer, avocados, tomatoes, tortilla chips, PineSol and laundry detergent)? Good Job, not sure about that. She was probably a teacher in a former life and that's her big closer.

Bikinis - Thanks for all the positive, yet perverted, feedback regarding a bikini. I'm going to go for it. Since a)I'm a cheap ass and b)It will be worn once in Miami because nobody knows me there, it's gotta be cheap-o. We'll let you know what kind of bikinis they have at WalMart. Hahahaha.

I've totally found my Halloween Costume...does this chick rock or what!? I love it. Wish I had the chance to wear it sooner.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


OK, seriously, this work thing is getting in the way of my good time...covered up the last few days so I'm trying to catch up in bloggerland. On my way to swim right now...pool opens at 5am, barf. Not much to report other than...

Ever hear your favorite song or group on a random radio station and that just makes you happy? I mean, you have it on your iPod and can que it at anytime but you hear it on the radio and it just makes your day. It's like a little surprise. Yep, Shakedown Street (disco didn't escape them either) by the Grateful Dead yesterday on my way into work and it just made me happy....and jam out in my car. Thank GAWD for tinted windows!
Who's your favorite?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

(Semi) Wordless Wednesday

I have NO idea why but this kills me every time...

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

To wear a bikini...

To wear a bikini...well, I've booked a flight and it's looking like the 5K swim is forilla. We were all kind of hanging low just to ensure we were going to do this thing AND we could pull it off monetarily. The money diet is totally working - it has just put a HUGE cramp in my racing schedule (Ryan's too). This may be my only 'travel race' for the year - unless I can camp, not doing it. So, I'm going to make the most of it. Now, I've never been to Miami but I'm looking forward to some craziness. The REAL question is - to wear a bikini? I'm never comfortable in one - while running in a one piece speedo is GREAT, a two piece anything is scary to me. I don't know why. I figure that I must be a sticklet or shredded to put one on. But seriously, have you seen people at the beach? The thing that gets me is that they are perfectly confident about the whole thing...no matter what is jiggling. They don't give a rip, obviously. I'm not sure what I'll do and maybe Miami is just what I need to bring out my inner two piece body that my soft gooey center says - go ahead and put it on, but I digress. I mean if she can go to the gym like this, certainly I should be able to get into a bikini with some kind of self confidence???Work is wicked crazy right now but I managed to get in a three mile run and do something I wasn't able to do all last year....stop and talk to a neighbor in the middle of the run. When you're hardcore training and your time is so 'managed,' you can't bother with more than a wave and roll. I said I wasn't going to do that this year and I'm not. A friend and neighbor wanted to talk for a minute so, gasp, I stopped my watch, said hi to his kids and kicked a soccer ball why the dad and I talked. What a novel idea...

Monday, March 9, 2009

15,000? Split the difference?

I suppose I never said 15,000 WHAT - yards or meters. I swim in yards half the time and meters (long course) the other half. In the books for last week ...

14315 Meters OR 15655 yards - I'll split the difference with you! I say, goal achieved. My last swim of the week was a 5,000 meter swim. It almost killed me...BUT it didn't and I'm alive. I could almost lift my arms to wash my hair in the end. Which takes me to the locker room. Everyone loves a locker room story...

I'm done swimming, showering, busy drying all my parts and putting some lotion on - I've turned into a total lizard. Anyway, this chubby little girl comes in and is washing her hands. She's kind of looking at me, seems like she wants to talk so I say -

Are you getting ready to go swimming today (duh, she's in a suit)?

Yes (mumbles).

Well that will be fun, it's pretty nice (I proceed to put my clothes on).

At this point, I can see her eyes and realize that she's probably a special needs child. I later learned that late Saturday mornings is when the special needs kids have their swim team practice.

(She stops and points at me.)

You forgot your underwear!

Yes, I did. It'll be OK, though. Just this one time (ha, likely story).

(She stops and points at me - again.)
You forgot your underwear!

Yes, sweetie, it'll be OK. Have fun swimming (I hurry out so the girl doesn't run to her mother and start to point).

I think I scarred the poor girl for life. I'm certain she'll be telling her mom about the lady who FORGOT HER UNDERWEAR. God Bless those children and their parents too. I'm sure it's not an easy road. That little girl DID give me my giggle for the day. Often times, they just say it like it is without regard. Sometimes, it's just better that way, I think.

Getting my run on, kinda - work has been getting in my way. Trying to dial up the frequency at this point. Doc says OK so I'm going for it. It's time...

Friday, March 6, 2009

T30 and a Relay Race?

Let me just say that Ryan LOVES to race, excel and be first in everything he does - set race records, get the checkered flag, you get the idea. Yep, that's him! I LOVE to race, excel and give it the best I've got and do better than I did the last time. As you can see, there's a huge difference. I may, just MAY have convinced him that doing a relay this year with me is a good idea. This, of course, was not before he checked the relay team times from the previous year. I think after he saw the times, did the math for the paces, asked if I could hold a X:XX pace for four hilly miles, he conceded that he MIGHT be willing to relay with me. I'd get to swim and run and he'd ride. While we make a good team off the field, we'll just have to see if we make a good team on the field. YIKES! Hope we don't kill each other....

T30 - this is timed 30 minute swim. We do this exercise periodically in our masters/tri class - how far can you go in 30 minutes. While it might be really neat to know that I can go 1:30 for 100 meters...it doesn't mean jackshit unless I can hold 1:30 or my event is the 100M at some damn swim meet. I call it our time trial. We had our second T30 for the year and the results are in (drum roll please)...1:10 faster than our last T30 six weeks ago. One weird thing has happened in all of this, I look forward to the pool. I like the feel of the water. While it might take me a minute to get IN it, once I'm there, it's all good. I'm liking the change of pace from IM training...knowing that I'd be out on a bicycle somewhere right now.

January T30 - 1700 Meters in 31:08 seconds

March T30 - 1700 Meters in 29:58 seconds

That's 1:45/100M for those of you who are counting and 1:36/100yards...All that mofer swimming is paying off. I didn't get the 1800 Meters I hoped for, I did improve significantly on the time AND wasn't totally THRASHED afterwards. Next time...I'll get it next time.
Not sure what trashiness I'll get into this weekend...it's warm out so the opportunities are endless! For now, it's off to the pool.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

8000 down, 7000 to go!

8000 in the books baby. Working to hit 15,000 yards for the week. Besides all the 'normal stuff' about swimming a bunch, I am finding my inner 'tard. I swear to you, after a 5am, 4000 yard swim, I turn into a 'tard at ~2:00 in the afternoon. This would be prime time for any meeting or conversation I need to have at work. Lovely, they already think I'm a damn weirdo anyway. Who takes a 1/2 day vacation to ride a bicycle 100 miles?

Shout to my coach, triswami who not ONLY got me up to and through Ironman Florida, he also participated in the Ironman Bucket List activities that included this stop some months ago for some bad ass cheeseburgers. Now, I suppose, I can call him a friend because he doesn't charge me for each email I send...I kid, I kid. I didn't think I needed a coach and figured I could 'do it on my own.' Retrospect - no way, not with the result that I had for being an Ironman virgin at the time. I would have made it, sure, but not like that. Now, I have to suffer with him at swim in his teeny weenie bikini...anything smaller would be a thong. If you see us streaking through your neighborhood in our speedos, please stop to say HI, don't just laugh and point!

Triswami and Missy

Here is a really funny, real live email I received from a friend the other day...

I had to tell someone and you understand snot.

I just sneezed and launched a massive wad of snot into my hair. There is no way to get all of that shit out of there....guess I'll be like the weird kid in school who has boogers on every finger, crust all in the face and hair and her skirt tucked into her underwear.

I was in a meeting when I received this email on my Booberry. Of course, I read it, snorted, only to attract attention to the fact that I was doing something else. I love my friends and I'm so proud and happy to know that I am the one they think of when they blow boogers everywhere. It's great to be loved...and known as someone who understands snot!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Let me be clear...

I LOVE to run in a one piece speedo. I never said I looked good running in a one piece speedo. Mostly, I just don't give a shit if my arse is hanging out a little. It's all I need 'for the top half' so it's all good. Screw em if they stare. They're out there with their damn dogs on those effen retractable leashes that are going to hang or kill me some day, I swear.4:40 marathon split for IM - Kids, YOU can do it and never ever run more than 15-16 miles. I NEVER ran more than 2:30 as my long run in training. There was no way in holy hell I was going to get taken down by a freakin run injury. How do you NOT get injured (less the dumbass maneuver I made spraining my ankle running across the street on a sunny day) ... you run less, for me anyway. My body breaks down when I get into lots of 18+ runs. So, I didn't do them. I DID have to increase my bike mileage to compensate. I had to ensure the endurance and power were there. YOU may not be happy with the 4:40 but I might have kissed a stranger on my way through the finishers area...I was delirious. No, no, I'm certain it was Ryan. It had to be.

Swimming - I talk about it a lot right now because that's what I'm doing the most of at the moment. My pores are saturated with the smell of chlorine, my hair looks and feels like cotton candy and I itch like a damn monkey all day. Co-workers have totally busted me having my way with the corner on a wall (Glaven that's to scratch my back you sicko mofoer)....I just can't bring myself to ask them to scratch my back. They're really great and all but...


Don't know if I can watch the Biggest Liar show any longer. I was really irritated by the whole marathon deal. HOWEVER, they have since edited it out of any other airings or tapings of the show. I MAY forgive them and get suckered in, we'll see.

Rock of Love Bus - Stripers and porn stars all looking for love with Bret Michael's. What a man whore! I mean, he's not stupid...he might be a mimbo but he's not stupid. Why not, if you can with young ladies that more than willing and more than able...they are PROFESSIONAL.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Tri vs. Solo - the Run Breakdown

As I make my way to my first 'individual' Open Water Event, I broke down the Road Race vs Tri and tri won, hands down. Those road race beotches are scary. Since I got nothin on the swim YET, here's my take on a run vs. a tri run. So many distances...

2005 - Some race I don't remember the name of and before I started on this tri thing. Wow, it was less than four years ago. I look way to happy about it....my coach today says that's cuz you didn't work hard enough. Damn it all, he's only happy if I'm puking on my shoes or peeing on myself (I mean that...isn't that a nice bodily reaction to hard work)?
The 5K - For me, this is the scariest of all distances and I'm not kidding. I'm not explosive and I'm no sprinter. It's like I have this total block, this pace my body adjusts to and it won't go any lower. I really want to see a 5K in the 'teens someday but I don't know if that will ever be in the cards for me...I got about 3 minutes I need to find and that's a lot of time for 3.1 little miles.

The Sprint Run Tri - Usually 5K - 4 Milesish - I don't like this one either for the same reason. Those freaks are running so fast...I see 5-6 minute miles and it makes me puke, bastards.
Score: Tie, hate both runs

The 10K - Better than a 5K but NOT by much. This is still a bunch of damn sprinters in my book.

The Olympic Distance Tri - 10K - This one will get points because I can almost hang onto my regular 10K times. This is also when 'general population' starts to crack which is good...for me.
Score: Tie, like them both and don't terribly suck...for regular folk

The Half Marathon - My favorite run distance of all. I feel like it's a challenge but it's 'reasonable.' I don't have to train myself to death to get there and I'm a decent pacer. Even without my new Garmin (and Garmintard abilities), I've always been able to pick a pace and hold it pretty close. Since I'm good about not shooting my wad at the start, I just lerve to pass all those 'guys' at about mile 7-8 who just cashed in their chips. Is there anything better, really? Suckerrrrs. The thing is, they never learn either.

The Half Ironman - Again, I can hang with regular folk, pick a gear and stick with it BUT by this time, I AM getting tired and most likely, horribly chafed. The last HIM I did (see Firey Pee Video Post) I was so wet and chafed that I did actually have issues just running the last three miles or so. It was the physical pain of my skin rubbing off that got to me.

Score: Half Marathon takes this one! Now, if I can just find that 1:45 I've been looking for - BLASTED!

The Marathon - I've only ever done two. I was training for a third when I injured myself in training and gave up 'marathons', as it were. I liked them and the feeling of accomplishment was really great. The training is what got to me the most, all that running! Seriously, sounds dumb but running 5-6 days week mentally and physically got to me. Kudos to anyone who can hang like that fo sho! I toy with the idea these days but I don't let it go too far...I think my expectations have changed too much.

The Ironman Marathon - I've done ONE! I don't know if I can say that I loved it but I was most happy with how it turned out. I didn't win a prize but my 4:40 run split was all I could ever have hoped for. The only miles I hated were 18-21 (same as an individual marathon). Once I hit the 20's, I was totally stoked and just moving forward towards the light.

Score: Ironman Marathon has to take this one. I really thought I'd cry but I was just way too pumped about it.

Sooo, in the run category tri vs. solo, we have a tie 5K and 10K are a wash, 13.1 RUN WINS and 26.2 Triathlon WINS. There it is. Besides all the health benefits and shiz, running is the most convenient for me and probably most people. There's a smaller amount of gear and I don't have to drive somewhere (the pool) to do it. My favorite running gear - a speedo one piece bathing suit, shoes, socks and a visor...it really freaks out the people in the park and I just don't care of all my junk is hanging out the back. I like the 'freeness' of it and the way it holds my gut in;) AND you might even have a few friends 'join you' - got to check behind!

Now, we'll just have to see how this Open Water swim thing goes! Last year, there were only two chix in my age group...not like any other '5K' I've been a part of so...fingers crossed!

IronMissy - it's official!

IronMissy - it's official!
A vision in green!