This is for all those people getting ready for their first endurance event ... run, tri, whatever. Feel free to add your own tips in the comments - a place for all the stuff you wish you knew. Seems like everyone is in the thick of things and training their little hearts out so here it goes.
- Blah, blah, nip guards for guys, body glide, blah. OK, yes, both are excellent products but you need that stuff anywhere there is skin to skin contact. Ladies, don't be shy, you got to get up in there or you will have the most firey pee of your life. (I've got video to prove it.) Guys, put some powder on it, I don't know what you're suppose to do with all that out there. For both sexes, ass crack, thighs and pits too. DO NOT put the body glide with sunscreen on your face because you forgot sunscreen either. That shiz will melt in your sweat and burn the crap out of your eyes.
- Contact wearers - baby sized bottle of eye drops in every pocket, bike bag, feed bag or transition bag. If I couldn't see, I'd be DNF. Nothing like some salt water or sand to really put a damper on things. Yeah and I'm not getting the surgery already.
- A pre-packaged moist towelette. Carry at least one ALWAYS. Ask anyone who has gotten the raging shats on a long run or race. You can't rely on a leaf and you may not be near a portajon. Even if you don't need it, it's like a little bath in package.
- TUMS - They make a little travel sized container. No sense in finding out that XXXX Gel gives you horrendous heartburn or gas and you're 80 miles from home or the nearest gas station. They also do wonders if you start to cramp. I leave a bottle at my lane at the pool too.
- Toenails - Cut them a week before your event. If you wait, could get a weird rub spot. If you don't, you'll rub the skin off your next toe....this is, of course, assuming you have toenails left! Ladies, you CAN paint the nub where your nail fell off. You can't tell from a distance.
- If you're going to try to run with no socks (for speedy transitions), do it on a short loop from your house. I ran home half way through a five miler with shoes on my hands and bloody feet. Put me out of commission for days afterwards.
- Check your cycling shorts, bathing suits and running tights regularly for wear - if you don't want to put them on and bend over in the mirror (even better share this exercise with your mate, you might get lucky), stick a fist in the butt of your drawers, if you can see your hand, everyone can see your arse...and don't think they can't or it's not that bad. It IS! Don't make me come over there and tell you...There's another rule, you must tell your training partners if you can see their arse. It's only the nice thing to do, gender does not matter.
- Water Boogers - If I have one hangin out of my nose at the pool, tell me. If you have one, I'll tell you. I think this just goes with everyday life but water boogers are more common after you've had water rushing in your nose. Bat in the cave, bat in the cave....
- Snot Rockets - On the bike or the run, make SURE there's clearance and check the wind direction. No one likes to get sprayed.
- Floss - While you may do the floss move to dry yourself at home - you know, towel between your legs and 'floss' - this is NOT OK for any gym locker room, nor is drying your hair down there with a blow dryer. You can walk around the locker room neck-ED all you want with a towel on your head, you can dry your junk as you should. No one wants to put dry clothes on wet junk BUT seriously, the floss is OUT!
- Gas - All gas from all ends is perfectly acceptable. Better out than in but if you're totally rank, try to be at the back. No sense in crop dusting anyone unnecessarily. It is also perfectly acceptable to grade any belch or fart - now that's an 8! HOWEVER, NEVER, EVER, NEVER trust a fart on a long run. While it is acceptable, you better be certain that is truly is just gas before you start letting them fly. See #3.
- To date, yelling NO at the top of my lungs like someone who is being robbed, has been the most effective defense against a dog. It scares the hell out of everyone around me, though so be ready. Almost had some people go down because they freaked out.
- IPods while riding a bike is dangerous. I get bored too but whatever, I need to hear a car. IPods while running in the dark alone, also dangerous. I get bored too but I need to hear Chester the Molester pulling up behind me in his van.
- Guys, if you are putting some loose or baggy shorts OVER your running tights, that's just queer. Why are you doing that? Is that so we don't see your junk? Seriously, do you think we're looking at your junk? C'mon man, men are made like Jeep's all utilitarian and stuff. We don't care about that...we're looking at your arse. See #7. Ladies if you're doing it to cover UP your arse, stop, you're not fooling anyone. AND if anyone is doing it because your tights are see thru BUY NEW TIGHTS.
Well, I think I've helped all of America and a few in Canada and maybe even one in Scotland...my work here is done. Oh, more swimming, blah, blah, blah. But the best news ever...I ran three miles tonite. No worse for the wear at 8:45 pace. I wasn't setting any land speed records but it was really super great to get running again. Stupid ass ankle...