Thursday, February 12, 2009

A Litter of Pups Anyone?

OK, so there's a few instigators out there (Chloe and IronBob) who really want to know my take on a couple of issues... I know they've been waiting for this....

The Biggest Loser

Since I missed my favorite damn show the other nite (because I was at a hockey game, yep, we have hockey in Tennessee), I don't know what happened so don't spoil it for me for crying out loud. I got to find on a rerun or something this weekend. Now that Joelle is gone, I have no one on which to impose my superior views upon, I mean, she was a GD idiot. Maybe the crying former model, oh and BTW, that's a catalog model, she ain't no super model...even the skinny version, but I digress. One of them bursts into tears constantly and the other pukes while on the treadmill and keeps on going (now that's MY kind of girl). Suck it up princess, if it wasn't so hard everyone would do it. But then, there's the poor father on the brown team. As my friend so eloquently put it, "there's a dude on Biggest Loser that looks like he's been nursing puppies." This was a text I received while missing the show at the hockey game. I busted out because you know, she's right, he looks like he's had at least six puppies in the last few months. Poor man, I can't hate on him though, his tit$ are bigger than mine so I am a little jealous but he's just too nice.

Octuplet Mom or a Labrador Retriever?

Let me preface all of it by saying that a) I'm not a mom b) I have LOTS of friends that have gone through IVF c) a license should be required to procreate in any fashion. I think the DG (Damn Genius) said something to the affect of - I'm not on welfare, I'm in school and I plan to get a job. Really, a job and YOU'RE going to pay for daycare for the six you already got? Oh, but I do get food stamps and state benefits for some of my already effed up children but I'm not on WELFARE??? What is that then? I'm not in school, I have a job and I can't imagine ANY JOB that would provide me the pay and benefits to support 14 (some have disabilities) kids and babies. I believe that a woman is meant to have at most TWO children at one time - two hands and two tit$ in which to feed. In very RARE cases, a mom will naturally have 3-4 and may God Bless them. I can't even imagine. Back to the DG - with six effed up kids at home and eight soontobeeffedupkids on the way home, who do you think will pay for them? Yep, taxes hard at work for the irresponsible behavior of a dumba$$ and the MEDICAL COMMUNITY that went forward with the DG's plan. OK, I get it, IVF is big bucks and by God, those embryos are MINE. I also understand some of the intricacies of putting in 'extra' eggs and hoping they will stick...maybe more than you want based on the odds of them surviving. Is it fair to Cletus the Fetus to knowingly put them in harms way? Please tell me that we have evolved enough to KNOW that having six (I believe they implanted six eggs and some split) little Cletus' in there is a bad idea - I'm no Doctor and even I know that. While a women's hips are meant to carry a baby, they're not meant to carry a litter. The kids didn't ask for any of this, not their fault. I still want to know where she got all the money for the drugs, egg harvesting AND PLASTIC SURGERY? Have you had a look at that nose and those lips? C'mon man, you're face is going to melt, just like Wack-o Jack-o's. You know.....look closer...Mmmmm, very curious. Could it be that we have found him?Oh, I'm sure this will be some kind of reality show train wreck. Doing the 'big interview' really didn't help her case...it just exposed her for the kind of nut job she really is. Good luck little babies, I know we can't pick who we're born to....I could go on for days on this one, I swear.

In other news -

~3600 yards at swim, some of the sets were puke worthy... like you ran too hard, doubled over and you can feel the acid coming. We had to swim as hard and as fast as we could for 100 yards, then 300 easy, repeat this five times. You need to maintain your fast hundred time throughout, I kept 1:25 and thought I was going to barf in the drain. Did some other stuff too, oh, pull for 800 yards and could barely lift my arms to wash my hair in the end, niceee. Ran two, yep two whole miles, ankle is still...there but getting better. I'm going to be blasting through three miles any day now....

16 comments:

Chloe said...

Bless you. I've been waiting for this post :) As I'm making my coffee for the morning and trying to get some feeling back into my toes from my 5:45 30 mile ride - I busted out with joy when I saw this post. Today is going to be a good day.

I was hoping that BL would still be awesome with out Joelle - but I was wrong. I'm with you on the 'formal models' hoping that they will keep the show alive. But for some reason - I think them and the purple team are going to rumble. That would be AWESOME. Also (not to spoil it for you) but the person who got kicked off stated that they wanted to do an iroman before the final weigh in. I'm all about weight loss and very excited for these people - but a full IM? Also - they stated some random distances - 1.4 mile swim, 80 mile bike, and then a 1/2 marathon? Not sure what distnce that is. That's like saying 'I ran a 1/2 marathon in 2 hours' but forgetting to put in the 1/2 before the marathon.

Oh man. Don't get me started on the preggo lady. I agree with you 100%. "I have a degree and will be able to take care of my kids". Um. I have a few of those myself and (degrees) and I'm rolling in millions. Sure. Once that happens IMFL will be on me. For everyone.

Wow. Long post. Once again - today is going to be a good day :) Thanks for the AWESOME post!!

Marcy said...

Normally I'm all up on that trashy shiz (OctoMomma) but for some reason I can't bring myself to read or watch anything on this chick. I heard one little bit (commentaty from OctoMomma's Mother) and I was just repulsed at the whole thing. If yo Momma is talking smack about you, YOU KNOW it can't be good LOL

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Much of this, to be honest, went over my head. I don't watch BL or that other show - Who Wants A Womb With A View, or whatever it's called, unless that was another BL contestant, in which case, hello, you don't LOSE weight by having 8 kids - but I will say this:

I knew, instinctively, that when you wrote "tit$", you were talking about t*ts.

You didn't fool me for a minute. Nice try, though.

And don't even bother trying to disguise "motherfucker$" that way because I'll see right through THAT too.

Wes said...

Funny, these people can force us to pay for their brood, but we can't prevent them from breeding. Where's our choice in that? Happy voting :-)

Runner Leana said...

I'm with Chloe, the comment that the booted off person made bugged me! I have no idea what event they were talking about, but I'm pretty positive (at least I'm hoping) that it wasn't a full Ironman. I mean, I'm all for setting athletic goals and all, but..wow...

14 children....I think 2 dogs are plenty!

Carly said...

Don't get me started on the Octomom. That is just wrong on SO many levels. I am irrate with the medical community for doing this as well. I goes to show that people will do anything for 15 minutes of fame and a few bucks. Those poor kids!

I did LOL at "two hands, two tits" So TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!

Jo Lynn said...

OctoMomma (as Marcy calls her) is pretty whacked. I feel sorry for the little babies.
Congratulations on the two miles. Woohoo! Your swimming impresses me. ;)

Lana said...

I'm with Wes, something is wrong when she can force us to pay for her caring for 8 kids, but we can't force her not to do such a despicable thing to begin with.

Molly said...

Couldn't agree more on the Octomom. What a train wreck.

IronBob (spawning?? at IMAZ 08) said...

Bless you for the BL quip of the week. Indeed the guy kicked off has a few extra miles to go to fulfill his idea of an Ironman. I think he would be better served to aim for the Coney Island hot dog eating contest. (I know, I am mean)
In terms of OctaMomma, I heard she wants to be Angelina Jolie's stunt double and used the birth route to toughen up.
Go figure.

Southbay Girl said...

So I won't spill the beans on The Biggest Loser because I haven't watched it yet-still on tivo...but I am laughing my arse off thinking about the brown team dad-his tit$ are bigger than mine too! How sad is that!!!

As for the octuplet mom-do not get me started on that idiot! And she's a california resident-i mean we're suppose to have wack jobs here in california but really, 14 kids? Are you out of your fucking mind crazy lady? I have one kid who will be going to college in the fall and I'm freaking out about how I'm going to pay his tuition and I have a job!!!! WTF??

Yeah you ran!! And swam until you about puked! NICE! Just the thought of swimming makes me want to puke..and no I haven't made it to the pool yet--I'm a swimming loser!!

TRI-james said...

I had one of those 'almost puked in the water' moments last night too - not fun. I would much rather puke and suck in air (not water) after a hard run than swim.

Jill said...

Ah...you were at the game too? Wow...next time the Wings are in town, I need to find out who else is there...so we can have some non athelete fun.

Yes, octopus mom is a nutjob. And looks like Michael J.

IronBob (spawning?? at IMAZ 08) said...

OMG, Southbay Girl has it... a new show for IMers called THE SMIMMING LOSER !!!

MJ said...

The dude on the BL has the most unfortunate chest/torso in TV (and possibly world) history. It is straight out of Star Trek or something like that. I can't help but think it would look better without the weird angular beard though. Super nice dad though....

Chloe picked up the guy's botching of the IM #s.... I hope he doesn't get in planning on a 1.5 mile swim...

Cheers,

Shannon said...

Thank you for writing this, my thoughts are exact. I don't get it!

Well I guess us (taxpayers) will be paying for them for quite a while.

IronMissy - it's official!

IronMissy - it's official!
A vision in green!