Monday, January 19, 2009

Funny Mom Stories for Monday


This one has nothing to do with swimming, biking or running and everything to do with keeping my mind off my pending doctor's appointment this afternoon (sprained ankle, funky left knee, and jacked up neck...thanks Ironman!). Anyway, in order to keep my own memories of my mother alive, I try to pull them deep out of the bank. The next entry is probably sacrilegious and I'm going to hell for sure BUT I KNOW she would think it was funny, she was the funniest person I've ever known...She's been gone ten years.

If you've ever had someone leave you truly before their time...and I don't mean granny that was 97, you may have been sad but c'mon, she was 97, what the hell else did you want...you know what I'm talking about. It is sickening, gut wrenching, your heart feels like it's been ripped out of your chest, filet'd with a knife, salt poured on it and then placed back into your chest. You can't cry because your body is so dehydrated that you're out of tears. You could barf at any moment and you've lost 10lbs in two days because you can't eat. A Catholic 'viewing' should be outlawed, I swear - I think the damn thing lasted for three days, three more days of hell. BUT, she had enough friends to fill those days for sure. Shit, on to the funny part...

Catholic burial service with a mass. Husband and I were dating but not married, he sat next to me and Dad on the other (I'm the only kid). Communion portion of the service and Ryan says, I don't want to be the only one not 'going up there.' I just said, say Amen after the priest says something to you and stick your hand out, he did. For this, we are both going to hell, at least them Catholics will be sure we get there. We sit back down, sing song, blah, blah, Ryan leans over to me...at my mother's funeral and says, "I think Jesus Christ is stuck to the roof of my mouth." I snorted for sure and then laughed and then cried. Truly, the most appropriate thing that could have happened all day at Mom's funeral. She had to get the last laugh and I know she was 'there.' It is because of her that I can't hold in laughter...even at the most inappropriate moments.

Here's to laughter and keeping it 'light' in moments of darkness!

12 comments:

Shannon said...

Here's to laughter ((((holding coffee cup high in the air))).

Hey~guess what? I'm a funny chick too....(((((here's to all those funny broads we know and love)))))

I know your sentiments, my dad died at the young age of 62. Everybody came up to me at the end and said, "your Dad was the funniest man I ever met." :)

Jo Lynn said...

OMG - that's hilarious! I almost spit out my breakfast. LOLOL

Diana said...

We have a lot in common with our Mom's. Mine's been gone for 9 years and totally left this earth way too early because she was so overweight. I've vowed to change myself and get off that damn road she took.
BTW...I've had some of my best times at family funerals, the only time you get to see some people, ya know???
Enjoy the day....here's to Mom's!

Marcy said...

OMFG that was so FUNNY!! Nothing like a little laughter :-)

Your Mom was beautiful! :-)

Tri-ing Fat Man said...

OK, I can see we will get along just fine!

MJ said...

Ha ha... that's hilarious!

I am totally with you on the Catholic viewing... my Mom died at 60 (3 years ago) and we had to do the viewing.

My aunt kept saying (really, really sadly) "She looks different." Eventually, kind of pissed off, I said: "She is dead! Of course she looks #&*ing different!"

OOPs. I'm not sure much good comes from those viewings...

JoyJoy said...

I can understand the being gone too soon..but watching them be overweight and dragging it out slowly and painfully with hospital visit after hospital visit and cigarette after cigarette is hard too...after awhile..you're just numb..and the anger fades..you realize you can only control you. I'm sure its hard for them though watching folks more and more die the older they get and then they are just waiting their turn...lives lived children gone...just time to rest is all they want I think I've realized. So I just let them be. I'm so glad to have found my running and biking gals :) yes there are injuries some times but its ok for the long run...

Duane said...

Great post!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

My mother, who died almost 8 years ago, used to tell a story about her mother and her mother's mother at an Irish wake. Mom's Mom was a very prim and proper Irish lass, but her mother was a bit less ... restrained. At this wake, the old gal went up to the corpse in the casket and started saying at the top of her shrieking Irish voice, "O, Molly, when ya get to heaven, tell Poppy- "

YANK - My mom's mom pulls her away and hisses "SIT DOWN, you HEATHEN!"

Then my Mom's dad said to my mom's mom: "Now I'll never know what the message was!"

Lana said...

AHHH - HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Missy, you are so damn cool...and I think Ryan must be right there with you. Great story...LOL.

Don't get me started on the inappropriateness and morbidness of those "viewings." I can't understand it for the life of me.

KimsRunning said...

Your Mom looked like a movie star! I'm sorry you're missing her.
I lost my Grandmother 16 years ago. She was 86 but I'm still mad she's gone. I miss her everyday.

I'm not catholic, but hearing "Jesus Christ is stuck to the roof of my mouth" is HYSTERICAL!!!!!! LMAOOOOOO

Vickie said...

Yeah, I've had that experience too. And now I get to experience another one tomorrow. I think you just go into shock and those moments help bring you back to life.

IronMissy - it's official!

IronMissy - it's official!
A vision in green!