Friday, December 12, 2008

Holiday Eating Tips

Please forgive the's a picture of a picture - yep, official Ironman photo came today and I picked the one of me eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich. Funny, photographer did not post the one of me showing my mouth full of said sandwich. Very classssy:)

And on to our Holiday Eating Tips...

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk and how many sticks of butter. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? .....Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, really, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.


JoyJoy said...

Thanks for the reminders...much needed and well said...

Jill said...

Just so you know, I finished off my first quart of egg nog this morning...and I quit exercising yesterday. I should have a nice Olympic sized JLo come 1/1/09.

Heh, fat floats ...right? No better way to start out Triathlon 1class 1/12/09.

Marcy said...

ROFLMAO! You know I'm going to use these tips! They're the best ones I've come across ;-)

Jo Lynn said...

Excellent tips. Thanks for sharing. Love your blog. ;)

Chloe said...

Yes. I needed to be reminded - specially of number 7. Must write that down. Please - don't forget about wind consumption as well. :) I can't think of a better Christams night then drinking loads of wine and playing Guitar Hero with the WHOLE family!

Happy holidays!!

IronMissy - it's official!

IronMissy - it's official!
A vision in green!