Saturday, December 27, 2008

Bucket List Pix - a Perfect Day!

As stated below, the bucket list was to start here with wine. It's a little bit of California in the middle of 'nowwhere' Tennessee. It really makes you feel like you're somewhere else. We used to ride by this place at least weekly during IM training.

This is 'us' - Mrs. Triswami, Triswami (my coach), Andy (faithful running partner), Ryan and me on the deck polishing off two bottles of wine.

Next stop, cheeseburgers, made by hand in the back, grilled on the Weber out front. We all indulged in cheeseburgers, chips and cokes. They were as good as you would imagine. After all those miles and having to smell those burgers being grilled out front while I got some measly water or gatorade...this was payback time.

The tomato(E) stand was closed BUT this may be better. Bo, a retired veteran, gave me one of his tomato(E)s instead. He said he didn't have time for a picture...he obviously doesn't know me that well. Here we are.

This is the local dog at the store that won't come near you...unless you have a bag of chicken fingers. He's getting ready for some kind of tasty treat here.

Oh, yeah, it's dinner time baby!

I did it and I'm so happy I did. This is Anderson Yaeger, aka Snook, I think. He was very hard to understand and I had to ask him to repeat himself many times. Snook will wave at anyone passing by, cyclists, cars, anyone. We pulled up in our dually and I jumped out with my camera hoping that he wouldn't think it was an assault and shoot me. Crazy white lady running up to my house? Anyway, I got out and introduced myself as one of the many cyclists that passes his house and told him that I really appreciated him waving to me - it was often the highlight of my ride. I would just think about who he was, what he's done in his life and if he had carpet in his house. His house doesn't look like any place 'we' would live. Even in the middle of summer, smoke would billow out the top, I presume for cooking.

After everyone piled out for a minute, we chatted, took inventory of all his pill bottles, beer cans and liquor pints on the front porch, took a peek into his house to confirm he didn't have a dirt WAS at least 100 degrees in there. I could feel the heat pouring out.

And really, I don't know much more than I did from just passing by and waving. I'm still glad I stopped, though. I always said that when 'this' is over, I'm gonna. Melanie gave him her tomato(E) from Bo and he was really happy. For a second, I thought he was going to eat it right there. He did have many pots and pans out front collecting rain water - you can see some in the picture. I wonder if this is his water. His home may not have running water, from what I could tell. If it did, it was minimal. Maybe this is his water and that's what all the smoke is all the time - boiling the water for use? While I don't have any earth shattering or historical stories to tell you about Snook, I just know that he's 'on my route,' he's a nice man and he'll wave at you the next time you go by.

Ironman Bucket List

Today, the Ironman Bucket List is in effect. I have recruited my coach (triswami), his wife (Mrs. Triswami), a training partner, and Ryan. The Ironman Bucket List will consist of tracing the route I rode for at least a gazillion miles...but this time, I'm stopping at all the places I wanted to stop along the way but couldn't because I was on a mission. It will include but is not limited to the following...

  • A stop for at least one bottle of wine at Arrington Winery. I just hope we make it past this point - it's our first stop.
  • A purchase at the tomato(E) stand. Maybe they have potato(E) this time of year.
  • A stop at the old man's house in the country to say hello - he sits on his porch and waves at us each time we ride by. He looks to be at least 100 years old and his house MIGHT just have a dirt floor. Not totally sure. I hope we don't get shot on site. He's only used to seeing us at ~19mph in spandex.
  • A stop for a cheeseburger at the College Grove Grocery Store. It's a small store and they grill burgers out front on Saturday's only. It was hell to ride a bike and stop for water and have to smell those things. This time, I'm eating one!
Maybe I'll just stop somewhere along the way and pee in the woods just for old times sake! Yeah, this is going to be a good day. Oh, yeah, Christmas was great - got my first Garmin that I tested out yesterday only to realize that my 'house route' was shorter than I thought (damn it), I'm slower than I want to be, and I had to work really, really hard for 9 min/miles (another damn it), got some cash, that ALWAYS fits, got the windows on my car tinted so I don't look like I'm driving in a fishbowl any longer, and some cd's! It was great, time with family and friends and more to come today.

Pictures are on their way...P.S. Friends of mine celebrated Festivus (along with Christmas) this year on 12/23, Festivus Day - I am doing that in 2009. What a riot!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Get your head out of the sand, er...

I think the Ironfog is finally lifting. I'm feeling the need to get out there, get running, attempt my FIRST bike ride and back into the water...with some kind of regularity. It was on my run yesterday, at about 23 degrees (that's coollld for TN) that I realized I needed to get my head out of the sand. My year was spent preparing for one day and now what? I spent that year with my nose to the grindstone, most runs were solo and often in the wee hours of the morning (or late nite, whatever you want to call it). There was speed work, long rides and countless yards in the pool. So much of it was fun but it was all with a very specific purpose. I could come home from a two hour run and not know what I the random guy at the do-it-yourself carwash at 4am, but whatever. I mean, I didn't see my neighbors, I didn't see that their kids are in high school and driving and I need to watch myself out there. I was determined, I was focused and I was purposeful...and my head was stuck in the Ironman sand.

This year...I vow to run 'around' at least once a week and if a neighbor wants to stop and talk, I will stop and talk and find out how THEY are doing. I will not casually wave them off because I'm trying to get 'this done' so I can get to work or get to bed or get to food. I vow to do one race without gadgets - heart rate monitors or even a watch. I will stop to smell the roses and I will stop at the corner store when I'm on a bike ride and eat a cheeseburger ... and not even care that I ride 15mph home. I will stop at the tomatoE (they spell it with an E) stand and buy whatever is in season just because I can. I will get my head out of the sand.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I'll be your Wingman in 2009!

I won't make this a huge review but what a kick ass year...
Gulf Coast Triathlon Half Iron - broke the 6 hour mark

Muncie Endurathon Half Iron - hit 5:39

and a bag of ice

Ironman Florida - 12:20 and happy as a pig in slop

I think I just erased my watch this week!

I think there's some other stuff in there but a lot of the year was a blur. I was eating, sleeping, training or working. Other than those three races above, the rest were just incidental or worked into the current training plan.

There were countless training sessions that were fun, some that I hated, some that I puked on and many that I did alone. They were all part of the journey I suppose. I won't recount them, I think I've beat that horse to death.

2009 - The Year of the Wingman - I will be your Wingman
Top 10 Traits of a good Wingman...I got this thing covered, oh, except that I don't have a penis but I'm still a good Wingman.

#10 - He understands his mission. I am very understanding. If your mission is a 100 mile bike ride, a 15 mile run or any combination, I understand that my mission will be to join you for the last 20 miles of that ride or bring you a cold drink while you're at mile 75.

#9 - He keeps you presentable. I don't know how good I am at this but I will always carry for you chapstick, eyedrops and a pre-packaged moist towelette (you just never know when you're gonna need it).

#8 - He understands your language. Yeah, yeah, gearing blah blah, tire changing, snot rockets, chamois butter, Campy vs. Shimano - got the lingo down.

#7 - He prevents interference. "Car Back" , psycho dog ahead...I'll carry a squirt gun for you.

#6 - He reads the terrain. Duh, Google Maps with elevation profile.

#5 - He goes kamikaze. I'll go it alone, I ain't skerd.

#4 - He bigs up his point man. I will tell ALL your friends how YOU kicked MY ass during our last workout.

#3 - He takes the ugly friend. OK, I won't take the ugly one but I'll take the slow one and we'll ride slowly, paddle in the pool or run/walk together.

#2 - He goes undercover. I will drive the course for you just to make sure we can get through.

#1 - He pumps you up. You're doing great, way to go, you're so strong, you're going to make that race your bitch.

See, I can be a Wingman of sorts. That may just be my goal for the year. After last year, I missed out on a lot of rides 'just for fun' with friends because I HAD to get in a six hour ride or some B.S. like that. I know, I know I won't just be your Wingman, I'll race too but I'm thinking that I may just have to go to Gulf Coast to be your Wingman, oh and for the party too. I make a really great sherpa. My hope for 2009 is to be a better friend, spouse and daughter - I know I neglected those that I love the most. I got to get it all in during 2009 because I'm thinking that IMCanada in 2010 seems like a really good idea......

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

My life is a Seinfeld episode...the car reservation

OK, it wasn't a car reservation is was a doctor's appointment. It WAS a 3:00pm doctor's appointment. Yep, have not shaken the funk in two weeks, this is week three, I broke down. I could not take the pain any longer (sinus/chest). It's a new doctor/walk-in clinic but I called and made an...yes, APPOINTMENT, with the doctor. I have all required forms filled out ahead of time because this will make things go smoother and faster. Right?!?

2:50, arrive - take inventory of all sketchy sick looking people in the room and stay the hell away from them. Check in.
2:53 - look at the chairs in the room to find the least soiled...I swear it looked like a kid pissed on every chair.

3:00 - appointment time, waiting, waiting, tick tock, tick tock, mess with crackberry

3:15 - OK, one in, one out, I'm next.

3:30 - Wow, this is suckin. I'm feeling worse my teeth feel like they're falling out of my head because my sinuses are so bad.

3:45 - mess with crackberry, Angie tells me to make a run for it. I decide to stay, I'm invested at this point.

4:00 - I'm in, I'm in, yep that's me. Vitals, vitals, vitals and yes, I've officially gained all Ironman weight back. It may take a year to come off but I can testify it takes exactly six weeks to come back on.

4:15 - more messages, get the hell out of there, they say.

4:17 - doctor, yeah a doctor, breathe in, breathe out, look up my nose, yep, you have a sinus infection and upper respiratory infection. No shit, sherlock. I'm going to give you a shot of 'something I can't pronounce,' a breathing treatment and some Levaquin for 10 days. OK, OK, let's get on with it.

4:25 - nurse comes back and says - this is gonna hurt. FINE, nothing can hurt as bad as my head right now, hit me. Is this an ass shot, I ask? (I did say ass). Yep, a shot to the hip...whatever, ass shot. Ass shot to the right cheek. OWWWW, that burns I say. Uh duh, I told you it was gonna hurt.

4:30 - pants up; breathing treatment on.

4:40 - doctor checks on my breathing, good to go, one prescription and I want to see you in two weeks. Yeah, whatever. If you think I'm coming back to a place that can't EVEN come close to hitting the 3:00 target appointment time, you're crazy! And you wonder why insurance premiums are up. I'm sure mine got charged for some kind of 2 hour visit...hell, someone should get paid for me sitting on my ass for that long.

5:00 - grocery store AFTER a breathing treatment - if you've never had one, you're lucky. I looked like some kind of junky with the shakes. Guess I should have taken off my NAME BADGE identifying me and my place of work...don't need them coming after me for an intervention or something.

6:30 - sitting in chair at home crying, the tears just came because the pain was so intense. If I pushed on my upper teeth, I could hear my sinuses in my head crackle. This can't be good.

7:30 - two tylenol pm, this should help

8:00 - one muscle relaxer just to ensure I'm OUT. I was OUT! I think I started to fall asleep in the chair when a snort woke me up, oh, yeah, that's just hotttt...when a snort wakes you up and you scare yourself. Oh, I can laugh now...

So, it is here I sit for another week of inactivity until I can truly shake this funky and bitch about people not keeping appointment times. I wouldn't bitch if they were covered up or there was an emergency or I didn't hear the doctor talking to her kid for 30 minutes outside MY ROOM DOOR. Yeah, that was the final ass chap for sure.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Dog Farts!

Ever lay down on the ground to do some ab work? Sure, most of you do. Do you have a dog? Many of you do. Well, I hate abs...why do I hate abs...because they hurt...why do they hurt...because I DON'T HAVE ANY ABS!...not strong ones, at least. So, in my infinite wisdom, I've decided that I want abs and to lose my back fat. I think I can feel it when I turn. Anyway, laying on the ground to get busy with some ab work. Magnus or McLovin or Mr. Velvet or Sir Licksalot thinks that abs are great because he can stand above you and get in a drive by, you know, a drive by licking.

As he's trying to lick my face, I move around on the ground and finally get him to just lay down next to me. He is NEVER satisfied, he must be touching you at all times, whenever possible. Of course, when you want your dog to lay down next to you, how do they lay? Yep, a!@ first, their a!@ right at your head. You know where this is going. Let's just say, I'm trying to do abs on the ground, Magnus' a!@ is at my head and it's just after dinner...I got blasted hardcore. Why are dog farts so potent? I swear you could power my house if you could figure out a way to harness this methane. Well, that's one way to get me up and moving around quickly...a dog fart to the face, nice.
No sooner will he turn around and wash your face because he LOVES you so much and all is forgiven...but obviously NOT was eye watering...
Yep, I think he licked my brain:) Oh, and if your spouse did this to you and THEN tried to kiss you and make up, you'd be pisssssed. But for some reason, it's OK with the dog?!? Very curious...

Friday, December 12, 2008

Holiday Eating Tips

Please forgive the's a picture of a picture - yep, official Ironman photo came today and I picked the one of me eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich. Funny, photographer did not post the one of me showing my mouth full of said sandwich. Very classssy:)

And on to our Holiday Eating Tips...

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk and how many sticks of butter. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? .....Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, really, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Wednesday Nite Torture Sessions!

Getting ready because this is gonna hurt! Love my coach...I hope she's reading this!

We know swim is going to be bad when she tells us to bring an old pair of running shoes. I am convinced that said coach likes to make us do this so she can laugh on deck. It really is hilarious to watch. Here's how it went down:

20 minutes warm up
Shoes ON
100 swim
200 swim
300 swim with paddles - shoulders and lats are on firah!
200 swim - everyone slowing WAY down
100 swim - everyone swimming on top of each other

Shoes OFF
10x50 (25 sprint, 25 easy) swim
Shoes ON
8x25 kick
Shoes OFF
8x25 kick - wow, I'm flying, do you feel that, I'm flying!
100 warm down - yee haw, it's over, sheesh!

With warm up, ended up at a mere 2500ish BUT I'm telling you, the shoe drill makes you feel like you just did 5000, I swear it. I'm totally cashed right now. You have to kick fast or you sink, it's just a fact. Thank God I have good people in my lane that are good natured and all...we were all over each other, feeling each other up and the occasional hit BUT, we made it. OH, and P.S. this is the first swim workout that I actually completed since Ironman because I know how to pick 'em. OUCH! Maybe I will finally sleep well again, yeah, sleep like a dead man!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

It's all relative!

I actually went out for a run last nite in the neighborhood - 3M at 26:30. I was perfectly happy with that since the extent of my workouts have been 2 runs and 1 pseudoswim/week (pseudoswim = getting into the water, splashing around, no 'real' yardage, hanging on the wall, laughing with friends mostly). Anyway, been feeling large and in charge lately with the usual holiday foods, parties and copious amounts of alcohol...solid liquid calorie. I've been partnering with this guy for his alcohol research...apparently.I guess it was on my run last nite when I tried to really tell myself it's all relative - 26:30 for 3 miles might be fast for you or it may be horribly slow. It was average for me but I was really happy about it. It's like this endless quest for happiness, I swear. Too many A Type runners or triathletes in one room is like paralysis by analysis - well, if I only, if I only didn't stop to change my clothes, if I only didn't stop for one extra drink I could have shaved off x number of seconds off my time. There were six in our crew that did IMFL this year and each one could be considered the best race of their life....none of us won a prize and none of us are going to Kona. Our times ranged from 10:15ish - 14:30ish. If the 10:15 was 30 minutes slower than expected and the 14:30 was an hour faster than she thought, who had the best race?! A first timer went sub-12hours, was her's the best race? I won't do any race unless I'm prepared or to 'just do it for fun' - that's just not in my make-up. I need to be able to give it my best effort while being the most prepared. Why do I, why do we continue to beat ourselves up over it? If I just did this or that...

And then, it dawned on me, during this little run of mine...get over yourself for crying out loud. You don't have any sponsors hanging over you, there is not one person on this planet waiting for you to ________fill in the blank here, do a 21 minute 5K, a sub 12 Ironman, whatever...other than you. All I could think was - holy crap, I'm a real assh!@# to myself...the best is never good enough. Well, here's to 'getting over myself' - in the BIGger scheme of life, it's just not that important. Friends, family, now that's important. Cheers to all, I think I heard a bottle of wine open in the other room.

Monday, December 8, 2008

3 Parties + 1 Football Game

What a weekend of parties and lots of alcohol and food. I think I need to detox until Christmas, wow! Christmas party on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nites - PLUS Sunday afternoon Titans game (12-1)! After all that, this week must start a come back. I can't keep doing that, eat, drink, sleep, Excedrin, repeat. I'm used to endurance but jeeze!

The final party of the weekend was our Excel Swim/Tri Party. Here, Dee and Ashley are scheming on what kind of torture session they can put us through next...I'm sure of it. This week, swim with your shoes on? Anyone ever try this? You work real hard but you don't go very far - like running/walking with weights on your ankles. Oh or swimming backwards...I'm taking video of all this very soon.And here is what I ended up with as my dirty Santa from the party - beer, shampoo and, um, a book. Nothing like some light reading before bed to settle me down....or not. Hey, they had to put the X back in Xmas!

So, this week, it's on. Back into the swing, no more CSI marathons on the sofa or anything that comes on Bravo, back on the road, back running more than 2x/week...the waistline says it must be so.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Pity Party is OVER!

One of my favorite pictures from the Ironman Florida swim start.
OK, I'm feeling at least 70% which is a huge improvement. Pity party is over and I will stop complaining about my wart (doing better but lookin nasty), my cold (still producing gu but feeling better), missing my mom (nothing I can do about it but talk about her once in a while) and finally, my growing ass. Yes, I think I have officially gained back my Ironman weight. I wasn't big to begin with and I knew I couldn't maintain that Ironchic look forever...damn it but I'm just not willing to work out 20 hours/week right now.

Everyone in cyberland is talking about all their goals for 2009. I'm feeling like a total slacker. I'm lucky to run a couple times and swim a couple times BUTTTTT...I'm ready to buckle down with some kind of regular workouts. So everyone keeps me honest, next goal...

1:45 half marathon at Tom King

There, I said it. Now someone puhleeze make me do it. 1:48 is my best to date on this course so I think that 1:45 is totally reasonable, don't you!? What's not reasonable is my non-running body. So, it is with three Christmas parties and one Titans football game that I WILL run twice and ride once in the cold on Saturday. It's gotta happen.

Oh, and anyone feeling sorry for Plaxico Bullets right now? Yeah, way to shoot yourself in the foot, leg, thigh, whatever. I don't give a flip if you carry a gun IF YOU KNOW HOW TO USE IT AND NOT HIT THE SAFETY AND SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE LEG...dumba!@.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Where's Mom?!

OK, where is Mom when you need her? Seriously, do you ever get too old for your Mommy? I say the answer is NO. Besides all the funny stuff she brought to the table, she gave MOM hugs. In my book, a Mom hug is this all enveloping warmth, it's very soft (my mom was not a small woman) and it's mushy (she had big boobs so when she hugged you, you knew it). She'd hug anyone too if they looked like they needed one. I need one and I'm sorry but all you bony broads out there just can't give the mushy Momhug that I'm used to...

I won't be a downer so I'll close with Funny Mom stories, she was hilarious. OK, so you understand her stature - she looked like me but darker skin and hair and was bigger. For most of the time that I can remember she was a size 16-20, just to give you an idea. SO, I go to the hospital as soon as visiting hours start. This was for round one of surgery, cancer, blah. Her surgery is over and she's wheeling around attached to bags of various kinds with a hospital gown on. Like any parent, they don't want to ask children for help but she had to pee. While you may not do this for a friend or stranger, you don't think twice so I get her up and we roll over to the toilet. I help her with her robe so she can get on the pot. Our exchange goes like this...

We're standing up still; she looks 'down there' (yes, at her cooter) and says:

What, mom?
When the hell did this happen?
When did what happen?
My hoo hoo is gray!
What do you mean your hoo hoo is gray?
The hair, the hair is gray. I haven't seen that thing in AGES and it's all gray...what the hell!?

At this point, I couldn't get her to the toilet. I hit the ground because I'm rolling, crying, laughing, she's laughing and yelling at me not to make her laugh because of all her incisions and it's making her hurt so she cries tears of laughter instead. Apparently, with all the surgery, she had lost enough weight to see her cooter again and it was shocking to her. THEN, my Dad is banging on the bathroom door because there's a guy next door dying. I'll never forget, something about a bad car wreck and the family was fighting over whether or not to keep life support going it was terrible. AS YOU KNOW, if you try to stop laughing when told to stop laughing, it's worse because you start snorting, hiccuping and making all kinds of weird sounds. That was us, laughing ourselves to tears in the hospital bathroom. Dad was embarrassed asking - what am I going to do with you girls? He is always the voice of reason ...he loved our antics.

So, if you have you're mom nearby, hug her for me, if you are a mom, hug your kids and hold onto them tight for an extra second until they say - moooom, c'mon. AND if you are the mom of a teenage daughter or pre-teen, hug her still, you may hate each others guts right now, but it'll change, promise:) Oh, and she wouldn't mind me telling you this either. She'd tell you herself if she was here.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts, greasy grimy gopher guts, greasy grimy…..

Yep, that’s me one great green gob of greasy grimy gopher guts! Is my mom the only one that used to sing me that song when I was a kid? Dang, she was HILARIOUS, I swear it, I miss her.

Anyway, yeah, I got the funky too. I was all jazzed that December 1 was here…I was going to make a ‘come back’ since I’ve been on the DL since November 1. Well, another week won’t hurt me, I suppose. Last nite, slept in a chair to keep the head from getting totally clogged. Seemed to work but I woke up with cracked lips and a crack in my tongue from getting so dry – yep, pretty picture, me holed up with a ‘blankey’ in a recliner, eye mask on to block the sun, with my mouth wide a!@ open. I wish I had a picture to share, very hoooottt. But seriously, is there nothing better than blowing your nose when you’re sick and you can actually feel it come from deep inside your sinuses…you gotta keep pulling on it to get it all out? Gross yes, green yes, long and gnarly, yes, and you know you’ve done it! C’mon there’s not much that can really gross out a triathlete…you ride and run behind people that have peed on themselves all day and you may have even experienced the lovely odor of someone who has shat on themselves all day. So don’t let a little booger creep you out. Lord help me….please don’t let my head actually explode.

IronMissy - it's official!

IronMissy - it's official!
A vision in green!